Here’s a thought…With the economy the way it is, foreclosures seemingly rubbing The Cream & The Clear all over the market, getting raped at the pump, and everything else that one can think of that blows donkey balls why not just raise ticket prices for fans for this year’s All-Star game at Yankee Stadium. Awesome idea…Although notice I didn’t say this was my thought, rather just a thought. A thought brought to you courtesy of Major League Baseball…Thanks for looking out assholes! What, just because this is the curtain call for the House that Ruth Built somehow gives you jerkoffs permission to shove another dick up everybody ass? Didn’t want to be left out of this “rape party”, huh? So kind, so kind…I mean, it’s not like we don’t have enough up there already! Oh no, just add some more…Like they say, “the more the merrier!” Honestly though, I could do without! I’m still trying to get the one yesterday that was shoved up my tailfeather at the local Shell for $86.75 to be exact!
So due to the fact that this is the last call Major League Baseball announced Tuesday that tickets will range from $150-$725 for the July 15 game…OUCH, what’s poking at my ass? Oh, silly me, how could I forget? And check this out, that's only up from $75-$285 from last year's game at San Francisco and $10-15 for box and reserved seats the last time the All-Stars were at Yankee Stadium, in 1977. Who’s in charge here, Exxon? They must be…They don’t give a shit about peeps…They just care about how quickly they can drain peoples wallet’s! Now those prices are just face value if one’s lucky enough to get them at that, which consequently registration began yesterday to buy two tickets each for the All-Star game and Derby on mlb.com, and a drawing will be held June 16. So if that’s how you’d like to spend your tax rebate check feel free to log on…MLB will love to rape you, but don’t expect to get kissed! Rather, kiss Uncle Sam’s check bye-bye!
It’s not only the All-Star game ticket who’s making like it has a fever of 110 degrees, but also his two sidekicks in that of the tickets for the Home Run Derby and workout day on July 14 are $100-$650, an increase from $50-$225 last year. Tickets for the Futures game on July 13 are $50-225, up from $22.50-$125 last year. My guess is, MLB thinks gas and food are extremely overrated! Or perhaps they think this is a great idea to help pay for a $1.3 billion ballpark under construction across the street by tickling our asses with foreign objects!
The sad reality of this, this just goes to show sports fans, that sports leagues don’t give a shit about the fan Joe Six Pack…Who works a 9-5 job, is married to the Old Lady who used to Live in the Shoe who had so many kids her uterus fell out, drives a broken down Chevy Tahoe, and everything else good ole Joe does. All they care about is their green friend Ben…Whose favorite words are something like cha-ching! Which is brought to you by the jackasses of Corporate America…You guys rock! Love you guys…Really, I do! About as much as guys like having vasectomies…Yeehaw! MLB even says so themselves as it has been said prices likely will decrease for the 2009 All-Star game, to be hosted by the Cardinals. "They will be adjusted for St. Louis. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity -- instant memorabilia, instant memories," said Bob DuPuy, baseball's chief operating officer. "The regular-season ticket prices in New York are substantially higher than they are in St. Louis."
Love how MLB has the knack of twisting things around…Actually, that sounded like it came directly from Roger Clemens’s pie hole or Butt Crusty, his attorney! A “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity -- instant memorabilia, instant memories,” huh? Interesting…Correct me if I’m wrong, but Yankee Stadium has held an All-Star game before, so how can it be a “once-in-a-life time opportunity?” And oh yeah, sorry Bob, a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity -- instant memorabilia, instant memories,” that’s being able to attend a party at the Playboy Mansion, (think of me next Saturday night, May 10 @ 9:00 p.m. PST)! I’m still trying to figure out how many peeps he threw under the bus and then backed over them in St. Louis. What’s he saying about St. Louis….Hmmm? Interesting to say the least! Not a good P.R. guy, are you?
Now lets add all this up and brush of the mathematics skills for a second starting with the cheap seats in the LastRow, (oops, sorry about the pun…had to) to the “Spike Lee Seats”. To be able to get a nose bleed in Yankee Stadium in mid-July for the two days that will only cost some poor sap $300…And that’s to go stag! Gee, that’s only three and a half times I can fill my gas guzzling hog up, (at the going rate, of course)! Or stock my crib with food. Now lets see what the “Spike Lee Seats” are going to tally. Wow, only, $1,075…Gees, is that all! Wonder how much food that can buy? Holy Smokes, for the price that it would cost to get a whiff of Derek Jeter, I could fill up Mr. Guzzle a whopping 12 times! I don’t know about you, but if I was looking to blow $1,075, um wouldn’t one think a brand new LCD would add a nice touch to the crib? Watching these All-Star festivities in HD, scratching oneself to no end…Honestly, trying to scratch yourself at a sporting event is quite difficult! Or if baseball isn’t your cup of tea and might be looking for something a bit more adventurous, looking to get more bang for your buck, in every sense of the word, I bet there’s a few thousand lovely ladies out there who would be more than willing to oblige! They need to pay their bills too, you know! Who knows, you might even get kissed before you get, well, you know! Just a couple of suggestions. Oh yeah, if you like the latter suggestion, here’s some more advice…Don’t bring her home to momma!
So does this come as a surprise…Yeah, about as much as seeing an one-legged duck swim in a circle or a whore sweating buckets in church! Like the saying goes, “The rich get richer and everybody else have dicks shoved up their asses!” God Bless America!
Who will be the next Draft Day DoucheBag? LastRowSports.com Pick’em Poll wants your vote in deciding this difficult dilemma…Will it be one of the two Longs, Run DMC, Matt Ryan, or Glenn Dorsey? Come peeps, vote…You’ll be glad you did! And besides, it’s go practice for the upcoming Presidential Election damn it!