"Skip Bayless would totally pick all four #1's. Why? Because he's a jackass..."

I hate dealing with jackasses. Unfortunately, today was national jackass day.

Why was today national jackass day? Four reasons, and let’s just say they are all reason # 1… North Carolina, Kansas, Memphis, and UCLA. You know the story; for the first time ever all four number 1 seeds made the Final Four. So, with that come the a-holes who know nothing about basketball, played all the favorites on their brackets, and have now made it their mission in life to tell everybody about it.

I ran into 3 or 4 of them today and it didn’t bother me to tell them my feelings… “Real impressive, buddy. My facking cat who licks herself and pees on the couch could’ve picked this bracket. You really went out on a limb there.” One such idiot stood out in my mind when he told me I was just jealous because his wallet is going to be so fat. I told him he needed it to buy a huge hat for his over-inflated head, and a pencil-top eraser to keep his tiny you-know-what warm.

The argument they will make is that they knew who the best four teams were, and you know why they knew that? Because a freaking COMMITTEE told them who the best four teams were! Oh yeah, you’ve got a great basketball mind! What’s really impressive is when you can go against what the committee says with reasonable knowledge and solid fact-based opinions. That’s when you know you can say you actually know something about college basketball, not when you can pick the top four seeds and they just happened to not run into any big upsets that make college basketball so great.

For the first time ever, I’ve found myself having no respect for those lucky few who pick the Final Four correctly. Most years, there are one or two people you know who do this, and of course, they rub it in. I have no problem with that. If I ever become one of those people, I will scream it from the highest mountain top. But I will never stoop so low as to pick the four #1’s to try to get my moment of glory.

This is going to be a fun Final Four because the quality of play is guaranteed to be very high, but everyone loves college basketball because of the underdog, and the 2008 Underdog is officially extinct. It’s unfortunate, but it still won’t take away from the games.

Now, I’m prepared for the half dozen people who will comment and say that they picked the Final Four correctly. Well, read the title; whoopdee freaking doo. Nobody cares that you jumped four separate bandwagons and hid behind Goliath to try to win your office pool. If you want to pick the four favorites, be my guest, but don’t think you’re the shit because of it.

It’s not just because I’m bitter about the 10 bucks I pissed away to these brainless fools, it’s because there’s an ethical issue here. This is not the way you want to win the money. Even if I could’ve seen the future back on Selection Sunday and known what the Final Four was going to be, I wouldn’t have picked all four top seeds. It’s a matter of principal and being your own person.

Moral of the story: either don’t pick all the favorites like a sell out fool, or don’t be a douche if your dumbass prediction actually comes true.

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