A funny thing happened to me this weekend…I went down to the local YMCA to attend the very much anticipated game between the Squirrels and the Woodchucks (and no I don’t live in the forest, perhaps the back woods would describe it better). The house was packed, my guess it was like a Fire’s Marshall’s nightmare…In between the first and second quarter Squirrelly The Squirrel came out and did his best Super Hugo the Hornet impression….Using a trampoline to dunk a basketball, soared through a large hoop that had been set ablaze before slamming the ball through the basket. Only on this occasion everything went flawless…Glad Squirrelly took great notes on how not to do shit from Hugo!
Of course I’m joking, but am I the only one here would like to know when did sporting events become an excuse to celebrate the damn Fourth of July? Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I don’t ever recall peeps buying tickets to see dumbass mascots jump through flaming hula hoops. When did sporting events turn into a haven for pyrotechnic maniacs? Your guess is as good as mine…I must’ve missed that memo! We all knew something as idiotic as this was bound to happen, it was only a matter of time…Surprisingly this dumbass shit hadn’t happened before Saturday night. Oh wait, it did…Remember when the WWE turned downtown Orlando into something straight out of Iraq? Yeah, that was "Shock & Awe", brother, (my bad on the Hulk Hogan reference).
So what’s the deal with all this pyrotechnic bull shit that has invaded our sports world? Good question…Too bad it really doesn’t have an answer. And we thought trying to figure out what the hell we were doing in bed with a blonde beefcake Sunday morning after a hell of a Saturday night was tough! For some odd reason the peeps who organize these bull shit stunts and what have you, have got to be some of the dumbest people living…And that’s saying something considering about 90 percent of the population, well, lets just say all their mothers should’ve swallowed them when they had the chance to! Speaking of mothers, remember when she used to say "don’t throw the ball in the house"…To go outside and do it. Fire, outside…There’s a concept. And how Smokey the Bear always told us, "only you can prevent forest fires"…He neglected to mention too that only you can prevent a basketball game delay between the first and second quarter too!
There's really no excuse for this whatsoever. Why do this stupid shit in the first place…Not just the Hornets, but everybody. Especially when the Hornet brass of shit for brains admitted that it was their first time doing it. That’s like the Hornets having Chris Paul guard Tim Duncan down in the post the whole game. Actually, that sounds better than the Hugo Hot Pants act! Can’t wait to see what’s the follow up act…Shoot bottle rockets off in gas stations at the pumps? Perhaps Hugo can shed some light on his next act…Awesome! As if shit wasn’t bad enough, now Craig Sager gives Hugo the Dumbass face time. See, this is what kind of cluster fukc you get when you mix some sort of Beavis and Butthead act with our sports. Next time save it for the mascot games! Isn’t that why the mascot games are, well, indeed the mascot games? To do this kind of stupid shit. If I wanted to see fireworks, I, well, would go see fireworks! However, if I choose to go see an NBA playoffs game, well damn it, I want to see an NBA playoff game! Not Craig Sager doing face time with a mascot to fill in time!! And by the way, what happened to cheerleaders performing? Why mess with a good thing? Just remember, the next time you attend an NBA game or any sporting event make sure you’re packing your CO2 cartridge. And so with that will conclude the spits and spats coming from the LastRow for a while due in part to me hoping on a bird, (or as I like to call it a big bomb) and flying the friendly skies, (which consequently I see absolutely nothing "friendly" about them bound for LAX. Yeah, a five hour flight for a cat who suffers from the "John Madden Disease", not fun…Although since I don’t have a Madden Cruiser, well I’m shit out of luck! I suppose I guess I could bypass my trip, and bypass the Thursday & Saturday functions at the Playboy Mansion…Yeah, I suppose I could do that if I wanted to. Thursday’s no biggie, it’s just the Playmate of the Year Luncheon…However Saturday, um yeah, that’s a "Pajama Party" . So I’m thinking, um, No Way Jose!! Hopeful Canceso will be there…Love that dude! So if you would be so kind to say a prayer for the Delta bird to land safely at LAX on Wednesday morning, (9:34 PST)…Don’t worry about saying a prayer for me on Saturday night! I’m sure I’ll be in heaven!! It’s tough, but somebody has to do it!