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Article:Twilight Zone: Football from My Couch View

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Some people think women don't know anything about football. Although I've had to work a lot this weekend, I've also taken in some football via the couch, including Pats-Jints, 'Skins-Boys, and Colts-Titans.

What am I learning? I actually watch the games looking for innovations off the Cover 2, who's playing best going into the playoffs (gotta feel bad for the Brownies with Jim Sorgi playing), and so on. But with my three daughters home for the holidays, I'm getting an entirely new football education.

  • Tom Brady is the hottest man on the planet, according to the Twins. Every woman from 14-75 knows that, if they have eyes. Chrissakes, I'm watching the shotgun, not a shotgun wedding. I'm hoping he doesn't get crushed by the pass rush, not that he's out of dating circulation.
  • Football players have big derrieres. And I was thinking that John Hannah's anatomy was key to blocking, and that Dan Koppen doesn't eat 6000 calories a day to maintain that body. But my daughters can only notice that guys wearing 60s, 70s, and 90s look like Mack Trucks with legs...especially some guy named WHIMPER.
  • My oldest daughter informs me that she only got half the games correct in her 'office pool'. I didn't know that she knew how many chances you get to get a first down, and now she knows the names of the coaches, the key players, the playoff hierarchy, and the latest in HGH testing technology.
  • So women obviously do know football, at least what they like about it- the Cover Boys, Fat-assed Linemen, and Office Pools.

What a country? Now I know what they mean by the Good 'Ol Days.


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