I’ve got a question for anybody out there reading this…Now that the Summer Olympics been extinguished for about four days now, (depending on where the hell you live in this freaking world) I’ll be totally honest about something. I freaking miss them…Oh my God, I can’t believe those words were uttered through my cakehole! Here we have the college football season kicking off in a few hours and I’m getting all emotional and shit with the Summer Olympics being over…YOWZA! Is it just me, or does anybody else feel empty inside?
What’s up with this shit? Do I want to see more Michael Phelps in his Speedo? No, I’d prefer to see Brady Quinn in a cut off t-shirt. Do I want to see more Usain Bolt in tights and him hot dogging it across the finish line on his way to smashing a world record…Perhaps, for the given fact that I blinked during the race and missed the whole thing! Damn you eyes! Oh wait, I know what I miss the most… Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson in leotards! Oh yeah! Why? Because I fully know that they aren’t f******* 12-years old!
Although, wait, hold up…Even more so than that what’s making me feel empty inside about the Olympics being concluded is the fact that I’m missing the NBC commentators! That’s what I miss the most! I’m not talking about Bob Costas…We’ll all see and hear his ugly mug on Football Night in America. Same goes for Chris Collinsworth. The peeps who I’m referring to are the voices we can’t put with the faces on a regular basis…You know, the poor saps getting jewed into covering weightlifting, ping pong (because that’s what it’s called Damn it!), boxing, etc. You know, all the little people so to speak.
So why am I going to miss all those clowns…It’s real simple! They gave great soundbytes! Here are the top nine comments, (yes nine) made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
5.Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
6.. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'
10. My words: Call David Letterman and get your own number ten if you want a f******** top ten list, Jack!!
America at its finest again…God Bless the U.S.A.!