Oh thank heavens…No, not for 7-11 either! For the fact that the college football season is less than 24 hours away! With a whole slate of games spread out like the buffet at Muffy’s Smorgasbord over the course of tomorrow and climaxing Labor Day night…It’s almost like you don’t know where to even begin. Do I want to start with chicken or beef? It’s like going to a strip club and trying to decide how hard/much you feel like getting suffocated with, well "female objects". Nevertheless it’s a tough call to say the least!

Same can be said for this first weekend of college football which will encompass 120 hours…Gee, isn’t life grand! One of the more intriguing/interesting match ups this weekend will take place in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome when the ninth-ranked Clemson Tigers open the season Saturday against No. 24 Alabama. Already a spotlight game, it would seem as if the spotlight got a whole lot hotter and brighter thanks to a Clemson assistant coach who came down with a classic case of oral diarrhea at an inopportune time…Better take an immodium to fix that!

Now we all know that every coach in the country instruct his team in the annual Bulletin Board Material Class 101…Hell, it’s a prerequisite for college football players! Trying to instructing their players on some college sense on don’t give your opponents anymore motivation to kick our ass just because you suffer from the very common loose lips disease! Usually the first couple of weeks of the season the sound bytes are at a bare minimum due to the fact that everyone plays the ever popular Creampuff University. Thus the reason why Clemson-Alabama is the marquee matchup of the weekend. And it goes without saying that when Tommy Bowden gave his spiel to his Tigers about keeping the blowholes closed, it’s good to know that his affable defensive coordinator, Vic Koenning was, asleep!

It’s because of him, the spotlight surrounding this game got a whole lot bigger after saying the following which most likely gave the underdog Tide something to rally around when he talked about Alabama freshman receivers Julio Jones and B.J. Scott…

"Julio? You know what, I actually ran into Julio in the spring recruiting," Koenning said according to an account published in The (Columbia) State and a review of a tape recording of the interview. "I said hello to him and said, I guess I'll be seeing you at the end of August. Then he got out and got in his Escalade and drove off. That's serious.

"And then I went over and watched (Alabama freshman) Burton Scott at Vigor High School at the track over there," Koenning continued, "and Burton Scott was running around. He went and got in his Escalade out at track practice and drove off. So I'm familiar with those two guys."

Oh shit…Did I just say that out loud? SHIT! Now it’s on like FU****** DONKEY KING PADRE! Yeah, Tommy Bowden loves you! As if he doesn’t have enough shit to worry about…Enough shit on his plate! Now he has to worry about his D-Coordinator trying to become the next big name comedian, since he says he sought out the reporters involved to emphasize he was kidding. "I guess I made a mistake in cutting a joke," Vic Koenning said. Too bad your comedic career is over before it even got off the ground! Some joke bud…A joke that alleges serious NCAA violations against a program…HaHa funny! You forgot to mention the Caddies were filled with briefcase of jack along with a handful of strippers as well! If you’re going to tell a joke, tell it right at least! Hell that joke ranks right up there with, Why did the chicken cross the road? Again, HaHa, too funny! Dumbass! I guess at least Tommy Bowden has a prime example to show his team on the kind of shit you’re not suppose to do before playing an opponent! So much for Tommy trying to use the same old press conference answers of, "Oh, we respect Alabama", and all that jazz…Because clearly you don’t!

Tommy Bowden says Koenning's remarks don't reflect him and his staff's high regard for Alabama and its above-board recruiting tactics. Aw, great tactic…When the ship starts sinking, quick throw over all the lifevests! Outstanding! Although I agree with Bobby’s boy…"A guy makes an off-the-cuff comment, and I know we're really looking for things to write about and talk about on the Internet and on talk shows," Bowden said. Everybody makes too much of this "Bulletin Board Material" shit! The way I look at it, if you have to wait to hear some words, quotes whatever come out of some dumb shits mouth to get you all hyped up, well, then you shouldn’t be playing in the first place!! Like T.B. said, it’s good for media outlets, good for story lines, etc. and so forth. However, even at that though, Coach Dumbass should know better…Because we all know joke or no joke, Nick Saban will refer and use these comments at some point in some context as prick coaches do!

Man, I can’t wait until Saturday night to see what colors these Escalades are! See if they’re sitting on 26’s. How much funk do they have in their trunk! Do they have 1,2,3, or 4 monitors…Because that’s how Alabama rolls! Oh wait…I’m only kidding! Funny huh? Yeah, a real FU****** knee slapper!

Who’s your preseason Heisman Trophy Candidate? Tebow, Daniels, White, Wells, Crabtree? Vote now at in the latest Pick’em Poll!

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.