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Article:The Real Sporting World, Episode Three: Drunken Interviews

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Template:The Real Sporting WorldClips are shown of the first two episodes. The camera then cuts to the living room where everyone except for host Steely McBeam is present.


Mannythumb

Manny: “Where is McBean?” Manny looks around, troubled by the absence of his new best friend.


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “They should have had me as the host of this show.” Kobe is filing his nails.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Why, so you could yell at everyone when they did something you didn’t like?”


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Exactly.” There is no sarcasm in his voice at all.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Wait, are you serious?”


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Yup.” He nods.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Does anyone want to play hide and go seek?”


Everyone looks at A-Rod and a response to his question would likely have came but a loud bang is heard, similar to as if a mascot just took a digger down the stairs. No one appears to be too concerned.


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “I can’t believe I’m not on this box of Wheaties..”



Rogerclemensgrittingjaw

Clemens: “I can.”



Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “What’s that supposed to mean?”



Rogerclemensgrittingjaw

Clemens: “For one, you’re a dick. Two, you might like to think it, but you're no Michael Jordan.”



00000Tombradythumb

Brady: “Aren’t you supposed to be shooting up steroids or something right now?” He looks around sarcastically for a clock.



Rogerclemensgrittingjaw

Clemens: “I DON’T TAKE STEROIDS!” He stands up, turning the familiar purple.



Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “Just in case you haven’t noticed, no one believes you. No one at all.”



Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “I believe you Rocket!” (He offers a high-five. It is ignored.)



Rogerclemensgrittingjaw

Clemens: “DO NOT CALL ME ROCKET!!” He storms off, bumping into a woozy, disheveled Steely McBeam.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Good morning everyone, getting along as usual I see.”


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “It’s one o’clock in the afternoon..”


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “Actually, it is one o eight.”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Oh, uh.. Sorry.”


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “You’re a pretty horrible host.”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Well, I’ll make it up to you all. I have details of what we’ll be doing today!”


Mannythumb

Manny: “Can we play soccer?”


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Hide and go seek?”


Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “Tag?”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “No. Seriously, some of you guys might want to start thinking before you speak. Anyway, to prevent you all rioting we figured we’d do something fun.”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Did you build an indoor basketball court?”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “No.”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Are there strippers downstairs?”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Unfortunately, no. We’re going to all get drunk and play a getting to know you game.”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Oh yeah! Gonna get crunk! WOO!” He goes to high-five Steely who pats him on the shoulder instead.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Think about what you're going to be telling your partner, get something to eat then meet me downstairs in a couple of hours.”


The camera cuts to black and then cuts back in, presumably a few hours later in a new bar type room. There is an assortment of different beers and liquors on the bar. Mad Dog has sneaked a bottle of whiskey and is sipping from it, attempting to be sneaky but failing horribly.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay, we’ll be playing drunken getting to know you. You won’t have your normal roommates as partners. I think it’s safe to say you know enough about them quite well by now.” Madsen tries to nod at Clemens who is doing everything in his power to stare straight ahead.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “The partners are: Alex and Manny, Tom and Kobe, Peyton and Mark, and Roger and LaDainian. Before we break off, what do you all want to drink?”


Mannythumb

Manny: “Chocolate milk!”



Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “Gin and tonic on the rocks.”



Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Grey goose and cranberry.”



Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “Some of that expensive looking wine right there..”



Rogerclemensgrittingjaw

Clemens: “Just gimme a beer.”



Tombradythumb22

Brady: “A mimosa.”



A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “A Seagram’s with ice. The raspberry kind.”



Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Three shots of Tanguaray 151!” He starts pumping his fist, bobbing his head back and forth.



00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay, get your drinks, get in your pairs and start asking the questions provided. And everyone please keep an eye on Mad Dog, we’ll probably have to shut him off in about twenty minutes.”


The alcohol, not surprisingly lightens the mood a great deal. Except for Clemens of course. He is complaining about something to LaDainian who appears to be listening intently. After about an hour, McBeam moves to the front of the room for his next announcement.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay, Mad Dog is now officially cut off.”


Madsen is sitting on the couch, both his arms crossed, pouting.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “First up, Alex and Manny!” He starts clapping, then goes back over to his spot and resumes drinking what appears to be Jim Beam.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Well, my partner was Manny Ramirez. He plays baseball for the Boston Red Sox. His favorite food is peanuts.”


Manny begins rubbing his stomach, rolling his eyes back. He appears to expressing his love for peanuts.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “His pet peeve is people who don’t like the number twenty four. And the one thing he would most like you to know about him is that if he could be any animal, then he would be a squirrel.”


Manny shrugs his shoulders.


Mannythumb

Manny: “They have the life!” He gets his piece of paper and turns to point at Alex.


Mannythumb

Manny: “Thees is my new fren, Alex. He play for the Yankees.” Manny shakes his head. “His favorite food is.. Lettuss?” He looks at A-Rod who nods back.


Mannythumb

Manny: “Uhh.. His pet peeve is all who make fun a him. And the one thing he want you to know about him is that he is NOT gay!” Manny begins giggling.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Uh, I didn’t say that, but it is true..” He nods, looking at everyone very seriously. The whole thing was obviously planned.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay, um, that was interesting. Next up.. Kobe and Tom.”


Kobe and Tom strut up to the front, arguing over who will go first.


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “My partner was Tom Brady. He plays QB for the Patriots. His favorite food is..” Kobe looks over at Tom. “I’m not saying that.”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Aw! Come on! You all know what it is!” He points at everyone, nodding.


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Uh, yeah. His pet peeve is anyone who likes Peyton Manning and the one thing he wants you to know about him is that he’s had more women in his life than you’ve had all time in your imagination.”


Madsen nods.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Can’t argue with that! Just kidding Peyton, you the man!” He tries to reach for Peyton’s glass of gin but Peyton stands and brushes him off.


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “Wow, that was mature Tom.”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Hell yeah it was! I’ma P! I! M! P!” He chugs from his mimosa.


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Okay, my partner was Kobe Bryant. He plays basketball for the Lakers and is most known for his comparisons to Michael Jordan.”


Kobe is nodding at Tom, pleased that he’s actually saying all this. Madsen raises his hand.


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “His favorite food is Wheaties and his pet peeve is when anyone sucks at anything and he is good at it. Which is everything. That annoys him. Uh, what Mark?”


Madsen stands up.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “I think I speak for everyone when I say that no one has ever compared Kobe to Michael Jordan. Or ever will. Thank you.”


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Bullshit! I hear it everyday! In the paper, on the internet..”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “What on kobebryantisthebest.com?” Mad Dog looks around, laughing incredibly hard. Must have been some good whiskey.


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “The one thing that he would like you to know about him is that he’s liked gambling and Hanes underwear his entire life and doesn’t like it just because Michael Jordan does.” Everyone starts laughing.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Haha! Good one Kobes!”


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Mark, shut up! You suck at basketball!”


Madsen’s jaw drops.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “WHAT!? One on one, right now! LET’S GO!” Peyton sits Madsen down and hands him his gin so he’ll shut up. Kobe is laughing.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Next up are Peyton and Mark.” Were those words slurred by our mascot?


Madsen pounds the rest of the gin and runs up to the front of the room. Peyton leisurely strolls up behind him. Madsen swings his entire body and then turns sideways, pointing with both hands at Peyton.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “GIVE IT UP FOR MY BOY PAY TOOOOOOOOOONE!”


No one claps.


Peyton: “I told you no introduction was needed.”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Peyton the Man is on the Colts and is a QB. Dare I say he’s better than Tom?”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “No.”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “His favorite food is.. Football?”


Madsen looks down at his list.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “His favorite food is football because he eats it for breakfast and dinner? Uh, did I get that right Peyton?”


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “No, no you didn’t.”


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Aw, dude. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, man. I messed it all up, I’m sorry.” He goes to try and hug Peyton who dodges.


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “It’s fine, keep going.”


Madsen stumbles.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “I’m sorry man, I’m so sorry!” He stops, lifting his fist up to his mouth. He tries to run to the bathroom but ends up hurling all over Clemens, who sits there in shock for a moment or two. “Dude! Rocket! I’m so sorry! I must have ate too many yodels, dude. I’m so sorry!”


Clemens promptly gets up, grabs some more beer and storms upstairs.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Wow, he handled that well..”


McBeam stumbles over to the front of the room.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay, LaDainian -- you need to finish yours and Roger’s. You have to do it, you just have to. Sorry.” He hiccups and sways back over to his chill spot.


LaDainian shrugs and moves to the front of the room.


Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “It’s okay, Roger didn’t answer any of my questions anyway. He just kept telling me Vizio’s sucked and sometimes he thought I might be retarded. He didn’t mean it though, guy had like three beers, I think? He was crazy. But about me, shucks, where do I start? I learned the value of hard work and being classy early on. I was barely walking and already I was running around the yard, little football helmet on, working out and being polite! I was always trying to get better and I was polite to EVERYONE in my town. They all knew me as polite, classy LaDainian. I used to get SO MANY free cookies!”


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “Okay L.T., speed it up!”


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “LaDainian, did you know this show is sponsored by Sony?”


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “Nice, Alex, real nice.”


Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “What do you mean? Why would they pick Sony over Vizio?” He turns to McBeam. “Is this true?”


McBeam shakes his head.


00steelymcbeam

McBeam: “No, we’re sponsored by Burger King, actually.”


L.T. nods, looking relieved.


Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “Okay, I like them. That king is so classy!”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Are you seriously from like a comic book universe where they injected you with Vizio and classy juice? Is that why you always talk about that stuff? I would seriously believe you if you said that was true..”


Tomlinsonthumb22

LaDainian: “Oh Tom, stop playin!”


McBeam hiccups again and stumbles, falling over. Everyone stares at him for a minute or two before they realize he’s not getting up.


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Did he pass out? Where does he sleep?”


Peytonmanning2thumb

Peyton: “I think it’s somewhere down here. Let’s try down the hall.”


McBeam is carried down the hall to a door with a Steelers sticker on it. They bring him inside and the camera shows Steelers posters and memorabilia everywhere. Also, there’s tons and tons of bottles of Jim Beam.


Kobebryantthumb2

Kobe: “Still living in the past..”


Tombradythumb22

Brady: “Wow. Steely sure does like Jim McBeam. Haha!” Tom looks around. “Not funny? Okay..”


A-rodthumb2

A-Rod: “Maybe that’s why he woke up at one o clock today. Do you think he’s sad he got let go by the Steelers?”


They all look down at Steely who’s passed out on a makeshift bed.


Basketballmaddog

Madsen: “Well no sense in worrying about it now. Let’s take this booze upstairs and PAR-TAY!” He runs around, picking up as many bottles as he can. The rest follow suit, leaving McBeam to sober up by himself in his basement abode.


The camera cuts to black and same cheesy reality show music plays. The credits inform everyone that the show is indeed sponsored by Sony.

Next week on the Real Sporting World: How will McBeam respond the next morning? What story will he tell? When exactly will Roger Clemens snap and actually hit Mark Madsen? And when will the Mad Dog finally get some returns on his high fives? Stay tuned next week for these answers and more on.. The Real Sporting World!


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