We've had All-Star teams of robots and super heroes, but quite frankly, those were too masculine for me to have any idea what any of you were talking about. So, it's time to hit the way back machine and embrace your inner child who thinks animated characters are still really facking cool. And surprisingly athletic. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Major League Baseball Disney All Stars. Let the nostalgia begin...
Incredibly smart, long arms, long fingers, leader. Rafiki has all of the intangibles needed to become one of the all-time greats. Can you imagine the action he can get on a curveball with those digits? Good grief, I wouldn't want to be standing in the batter's box on his turn in the rotation. It seems like he never has a bad day, so even after a bad start, he'd just say, "Iss in da passssssssssssst."
The Lineup1. Center Field: Aladdin
Everyone's favorite commoner is the best athlete on the field, hands down. I challenge anyone to give me another Disney character who can navigate the markets of Arabia with the greatest of ease by bouncing off canvas, traversing buildings and flirting with the ladies, all while stealing bread and other assorted goods. Plus, he comes equipped with his very own rally monkey. And he'll charm the pants off every lady he meets. Obvious choice.
2. Shortstop: Tigger
The kindest tiger ever created is the definition of spunk. His infectious energy at the shortstop position makes web gems galore and endless giggles. Line drives that would normally go for base hits would be snatched up in his paws after he skyrockets off of his gravity-defying tail. He has a good size and body to be an excellent hitter. He could also physically crush any would-be base-stealer by landing on his head tail-first. He's grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat.
3. Right Field: Buzz Lightyear
Can you think of anyone better to track down a fly ball? His x-ray vision would make an afternoon game in the sun a piece of cake, and his flight would make it possible to take away a home run multiple rows back into the seats. What he lacks in speed or flexibility, he makes up for in heart, determination and confidence. Power potential. He would take his team to infinity and beyond, for sure.
4. First Base: Gaston
The Frenchman's upper body strength is second to none. Gaston has the potential to be hit any pitch out of the park. Put aside the fact that he's a jackass, and Gaston will be the meat and potatoes of the lineup. His self-confidence will lead to a lot of strikeouts and profanity in French, but his teammates love his passion.
5. Third Base: Peter Pan
The flying boy in green's best asset is his range; he will get to any ball within 25 feet of the hot corner. Peter is a tremendous leader in the clubhouse, and is always very encouraging to young players. Size is a concern, but he hits for average and is a tremendous threat on the base paths. He can score from first on an infield single. Managers have described him as magical and enchanting. There is a concern with aloofness; he has made unannounced trips in the past and has not identified his destination. That's just Peter being Peter.
6. Second Base: Tramp
Takes the shortest route to the ball and closes in very quickly. Glove (mouth) is solid. Range is good. Turns the double play with relative ease. Tenacious; plays with a mean streak. Good leaping ability. Offense will come with practice. A dirt dog if there ever was one. Loyal to his teammates and fan base, although it'll be very difficult for him to give up a ball he catches to fans in the stands. That's just how much he loves baseball. Weakness: spaghetti and meatballs in the clubhouse.
7. Catcher: Elastigirl
She could catch for 162 games, and more. Her complete elasticity would allow for her to have control of any pitch in the dirt, and there would never be another wild pitch thrown by her staff. More importantly, she'd be able to handle the everyday beating that comes along with being a catcher. At the plate, she could make contact with any pitch in or out of the strike zone--like a super-powered Vlad Guerrero.
8. Left Field: Mowgli
Surviving in a jungle amongst panthers, bears and orangutans has to count for something, right? Size is an issue, but agility and athleticism are excellent. Raised by wolves, his toughness is what sets him apart. His youth and character will allow him to develop into a more polished hitter. A project for any major league team to take a chance, but his potential is very high. He has the bare necessities, now he just needs to develop them.