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I guess this is my so-called ripoff of Walker's Rants (There, I got the obligatory AGM LB reference out of the way first thing!). It's essentially a rotating themed bitchfest column in the essence of "the rants" - but with a Stilish angle and more words, of course...
Things that I think:
The many styles of Manny Stiles are Back..., Front, Top, Bottom, side and all other angles in between - I guess I'm back - but I don't know when, how, for how long or in what capacity... until further, more descriptive notice. I feel good and I think other matters always have a way of working out in a manner you never could have guessed! That's life!
When did the world flip upside down without my permission? - The NL has all the powerhouse teams and the AL is sputtering... I think Interleague play in a few weeks will settle things towards the "norm" again...
Just in Time - All signs are pointing to me, the wifey and kids arriving in Michigan just in time for the Stanley Cup Finals. I've always quietly rooted for the Red Wings since my illustrious Sega NHL Hockey career began - and the In Laws are Red Wing diehards. I will never forget the game 7 whooping of Patty "I'm a horrible father" Roy when I was in Michigan downing an endless stream of icy cold Labatt Blues with the family. Plus my roommate from college - whom I used to abuse in Sega Hockey; now he's a World Ranked video hockey game player (seriously), is a Dallas resident and quality trash talker to boot (Although he lost the "who would win more titles - Eric Lindros or Shaquille O'Neal" bet to me HANDILY - Therefore, Go Red Wings!
Ow! My Hamstring! - No matter what the status of Chauncey Billups, the Pee-Stains are in trouble. And no, a move to Michigan will NOT make me a Pistons, Lions or even a Tigers fan at all. If ever there was a city that suffered my fanwrath unnecessarily, it is Detroit. And I will be soon be subjugated to my second place sports Hell (Boston being #1). But then, I would NEVER EVER EVER live in Massachusetts... although Maine is kinda nice. Unlike Boston, the fans of Detroit have nothing to do with why I don't like Detroit teams. I can tolerate Detroit fans easily, I just plain ole' don't like those teams (GO Red Wings!) That being said, I am hoping to check out the Tigers' press box in September when the Rays come to town!!!
I'll say it... - even though I don't want it to happen, the Spurs aren't done yet.
Things I know:
Blue vs. Red (and I don't mean states) - Scott Rolen looks terrible in a Blue Jays uniform. It hurts my eyes to see him not wearing some divergency of red. And damn him for ruining my Wednesday night with his second HR of the season.
Stupid is as stupid does - Hey, Chicago Bulls... YOU are the ones who fired Scott Skiles to begin with! You KNEW you'd need a new coach and now you're afraid to pony up for the one you want??? Duh.
Stop living in the past. Seriously - Just because a team has never had a winning season in it's ten year history DOESN'T mean it can't happen. The Rays are hanging tough despite injuries, despite playing in the AL East and despite the mind-numbing stupidity of the national media. HELLO? Even the vaunted Pinstriped Turds went 21 seasons before reaching the World Series...
Bandwagons suck. And if you ever called me a nadwagon fan, you're a certified idiot - The Boston Red Sox fascination that has swept the American landscape is nauseating. I'm convinced that 80-90% of current Red Sox fans are clueless as to whom Nomar Garciaparra was... I remember feeling sorry for the Sox in the 80's because hardly anyone rooted for them.
Fashion with "Manny Blackwell" - Of the "America's Teams" of the past 5 decades, the Red Sox have the least fashionable logo; barely ahead of the 80's 49ers. At least the Cowboys of the 70's - as intolerable as THIER fans were - had the distinguished star and the cheerleaders as icons.
The PA Turnpike is the most ridiculously constantly "Under Construction" toll road in the U.S - the Penguins vs. Flyers series will get some heavy viewing at Casa De Stiles. As I was born and raised in PA, it's an intriguing matchup - whether I am now a Red Wings fan by association or not. I just hope the Finals matter more than the last PA team vs. Red Wings finals (a.k.a. the "End of Eric Lindros Mattering")
Maybe, naked babes, but I don't think that would even draw a meager interest in my personal being for golf - If I hit a ball, YOU go chase it! Wasn't this the year that Tiger was going to win every event?
Naked babes and free beer wouldn't be enough to make me enjoy soccer - I don't care how much you might love it, but soccer sucks. I do like watching tennis however... Seriously, I've watched more cricket in the past 5 years than soccer. (Now ask me how much cricket I've watched!)
I don't know exactly when, but it was sometime around the advent of the hard salary cap - I used to love the NFL. Now every time I hear something about the NFL I can't help but think - the more you need my attention, the less you'll get. It's ephing MAY! I don't care about football in MAY!!!
Stop it. Just Stop it. - OK, Memo to the General Media: Micah Owings can hit. He always could!!! Look up the all time High School leaders in Home Runs and see Owings comfortably in second place - just one behind Drew Henson - yes, yes, insert Henson joke here, and only TWO other High Schoolers ever but I digress. Owings was a decent hitter in college. The REAL feat of amazement no one is seeming to grasp is that Owings is pitching well, too!!!
PETA needs a better marketing plan - Hello, douches of PETA... try, JUST ONCE to make an outcry BEFORE the fact. If there is any organization that jumps on the story for marketing purposes only MORE than PETA, well... there isn't. PETA is the equivalent to a lawyer that places ads in ambulances instead of the buses, trains and subways of public transportation. When you make noise only when the general population's noise is the loudest, it captures NO ONE's attention. Bitch about the inbreeding of thoroughbreds . Bitch about the modernization of safer racing surfaces. Don't bitch about a horse that is mortally injured being euthanized. Don't bitch about a 1,200 lb beast getting slapped with a whip and don't bitch about horseracing in general. A person smart/lucky enough to bet $100 on the winning trifecta could BUY your organization and make you disappear.
P.S. - Getting Pam Anderson to speak on your behalf is not helping your cause. Unless you're trying to save animals like crab lice or the herpes and chlamydia viruses.
To us it's Chinese Food, but in China, they just call it "food" - Congrats on trotting the Olympic flame to the top of Mt Everest. While you're up there, take a good look to the north at what you're doing in Tibet and consider aiming your resources in a more functional manner. You got the prominent stage and attention you wanted, now realize the rest of the world won't be fooled about your issues as your own people are. Killing people over religious and cultural differences goes against the foundation of every religion and culture.
BTW - Americans may be everything the world says we are, but at least we're TRYING to not pollute as much as possible - or at least attempting to rectify what we did to this mudball planet we ALL call home.
Things I wish I would have never thought about:
I know the world does not revolve around me, but... - Yes, I really do believe that my individual actions sway the outcome of sporting events and alters history forever. Coincidences aren't THAT frequent... also, google: "Sports Augury" if you doubt me!
It's over and I knew it would be before you did - The most enjoyable run of professional basketball (Mike D'Antoni's Phoenix Suns) was over well before anyone else was ready to admit... But I told the 23 people who were listening that it was coming. Now I don't know what to do!
When I root loudly, things go wrong. When I bet on things I root for, people die - I sometimes feel like I am a walking jinx to teams I root for... I mention how the Rays' bullpen is getting better then they act like it's 2007 all over again, blowing a decent outing by Matt Garza.
With enough Ranch dressing, even a hat would taste good - When I typed the words "If the Lakers go to the Finals, I will eat my Suns hat" I knew it was stupid for one very simple reason - that hat fits me SO WELL; better than any other hat I currently own (since my Rays hat paid the price of wear and tear - literally tear) - I have a gigantic head - 7 7/8" - but I still don't think the Lakers will advance to the Finals - which if you read the title of this section, should be heading to Loss Vegas RIGHT NOW to bet against me!!
One think I thought of and KNOW is true, but wish I wouldn't have mentioned it, because now it will prove me wrong - When the majority of professional media picks a side on an 'iffy' issue, they are ALWAYS wrong. Don't know what I mean? Write down the top headlines for a week and then read them in 6 months. Worse than weathermen are sports journalists. They are rarely right and never have to apologize for being wrong! I dare you to read the headlines from six to eight months ago. "The Pats are headed to a perfect season", "Kobe wants out of LA", "The Rockies are unstoppable", "Tiger Woods is unstoppable".
Why do I wish I wouldn't have thought this? - Because no one in the media is talking about the Rays seriously yet, which means they soon will and all hell will break loose.
Eric Hinske is the new Carlos Pena - A Rays spring training non-roster invitee is on a tear! What? you thought it would be Brian Anderson? I hope this doesn't mean they'll both be overpaid and sucking next year? Ugh... why do I have these thoughts?
Now I did it... - I made mention to how L.A. was so fake. I hope this doesn't mean that all the "True Hollywood Stories" will actually be true from now on... (cue dramatic THS music!)