Shields CG one-hitter, Longlorious rips the Walk Off


The Messenger has come to deliver the Lamentations and the promises of dwelling in the new light

From the Book of Stiles

The Lamentations of ManRays - Chapter 20080510

Verse 1. As I have been sent here as a messenger from the Prophets of St. Petersburg, the Diocese of the Forlorn Rays to pronouce the teachings of Silverman, extol the works of Friedman and to sip the nectar of Tropicana, preaching of the coming of the new Sun; uttering the promises of Father Sternberg as the seeds of planning are sprouting into the fruits of development before our hungry eyes. Brothers and Sisters, I say to you, Rejoice!


He was pretty damned good last year, too. But you didn't notice, did you? (Getty Images)

2. Yeah, though we ask not for more we relish the glory of our daily bounty. Thus a staff of starting pitchers who carry their team deep into contests, a bullpen assembly which is the diametric opposite of the previous assemblies a defensive alignment that has overcome the erroneous ways of the former times and a potent lineup that can explode at any point; we cherish thee.

3. For three days and three nights, the Order of Forlorn Rays have seen their starting pitchers yield but a nary ONE earned run over the span of 23 and 1/3 innings. Amen.

4. Forsaken catcher Dioner Navarro hit his first home run of the season and yea! it was good. A 13th inning Slam of Grand to end an epic battle against former Forlorn Ray Shawn Camp. Huzzah! For the fruits of trading Camp have already paid the brilliant dividends.


Other prophets were proclaiming the inevitability of the new future as well (AP photo)

5. And in the following eve, Evan Long Ball delivered a final closing blow to finalize a tremendous outing by The Dealer, capping off the delivery of filth and nasty.

6. Yea, though the Forlorn Rays are not your older brother's Devil Rays, there is a wave of consciousness leaking, permeating into the general population. For today, the major media outlets focus on a walkoff Homer and barely mention a masterful one-hitter (striking out 8 and walking NONE) from a pitcher who has developed into one of the AL's finest in a mere two seasons. For Brother Shields leads the AL with two shutouts for the season (or as many as the entire staff had ALL of 2007)

7. And after the time of iniquity, the four-letter network will collapse under its own scrupleless ways. Sucking the sports information, destroying the essence of the sporting events and nit and grit in exchange for selling all of our souls for the thrill of the cheap highlight - and then repeat that cheap highlight nauseatingly all the day and night.


The Longlorious One is the deliverer of yard (photo by Manny Stiles for AGM)

8. The four letter was pronouncing before the game that the Beast that swings at everything was a career 6-12 against The Dealer. But house money ruled supreme as Vlad the Destroyer sat in each of his at bats in failure.

9. Verily, I say these words to you. For baseball heaven has highlights indeed - for there are many walkoff homers in baseball heaven, afterall - but there are also diving catches by C.C. and tremendous mastery of opponents for 9 inning spans.

10. Be warned! Keep an eye open and ear in a state of alert, for the day cometh... The Ace shall return to form, The Dealer will continue to pull trump cards from his sleeves, Element 22 will find comfort in his widening groove, Maddux Lite will eat innings and EJax will continue his trend of pitching overcoming a thrower's mentality.

11. Hitherto therefore unto, the Rays of Hope, the Beams of Light and the Flatfish of Florida will continue to scratch and claw their way through the tribulations of the AL East and my Lamentations with the world's mis- and non-perceptions will continue, but nary for naught.

12. Look out kiddies - hide your eyes to new developments, keep living in the past, deny the one thing that makes life on Earth so extraordinarily possible (change), ignore the tide, disapprove of the Moon's phases, negate time's sweeping and eternal shift, renounce a new dawn, take exception to and rebuke every thing you pretend to think you know; and inform your doubting older brothers and sisters that indeed, the Tampa Bay Rays are good!

13. Hyperbole Bandwagons abound and Forlorn Fans will never forget the sting of a destructive bullpen of the past. Hear my words and keep them close to your heart. Today is not yesterday, but today always turns into tomorrow.

14. Peace be with you Brothers and Sisters of the Forlorn Rays of the Bay of Tampa in St. Petersburg of Western Florida. Your time in the Sun is dawning - let the mischievous fools, haters and liars speak badly of your team and turn your cheek and laugh at them quietly, for they know not a damned thing. For a fan in the know doesn't question the developments at hand - they have ENJOYED them thoroughly. Tra-la-la-la-la.


How many more of these will we see? Lots. (AP Photo)

15. May you carry the passionate optimism and patient understanding of St. Joseph of Hazleton with you as we travel this journey. For the ultimate destination is not a goal but merely a rest stop along the path. Enjoy this day and pray for continued health. We have weathered the early storms of the Disabled List and hope to return stronger and together in the days to come. Amen.

16. Peace and good tidings be with you, Rays fans. Your brother in rootement ManRays is with you always! Fins to the left, fins to the right, more cowbell and Amen.

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