ArmchairGM Burns: 4/9/08

By: Nate Gordon

As humans it is inevitable that we will be hungry for attention and strive to hold the attention of others, and that we will at times allow emotion to cloud reasonable judgment. With Arsenal officially out of the running for any trophy/cup/silverware and the Lakers crapping bed I came up with a little poem inspired by all this losing and a certain Ninja’s distaste for poetry. It’s short and bad so bare with me:

Football is my game

Heartache is my wife

I can’t divorce you to save my life

Yet you continue to stab me in the back

And won’t rest until I have a heart attack

Football is my game

There you go, now that I got all that… I’m not even going there – this will be politically incorrect as it is, so let’s get to it.

In Which Some Stuff Happens, No One Cares

I go to work at this hotel in Santa Barbara 5 days a week. When I get to work I spend a good amount of time perusing Armchair as well as many other sites. After all it IS work, why be productive? When the day is over I log out and don’t come back to the internet unless I’m really bored or really intoxicated. In either case I’m using it to kill time and maybe share a laugh – and if I better myself in that time it’s extra credit. However some people strive to hold the attention of others that they come across on the internet. Even in their off time they try to find ways to irritate and anger others who are on other sites on this network called the internet. But what does this behavior accomplish? What does pissing off someone hundreds of miles away do for you at your computer? Nothing, or at least it shouldn’t.

I have come across a lot of different people in my little-over 2 decades on this planet, it wasn’t until recently that I discovered what an agoraphobic is. Someone who is agoraphobic struggles with leaving their own home or place of business and struggle to interact and socialize with the outside world. These people restrict themselves of face to face interaction due to a fear of panic attacks in areas that the victim of the disorder does not deem safe. I have found several people who have agoraphobia, except it is inside the internet. These people are scared of leaving their safe haven of their username. Behind this smokescreen they can become the people (multiple if they wish) they desire and abuse people they don’t like without real life repercussion. I don’t need to speak about these people, they already suffer from a serious disorder and don’t need to be dragged through the mud unnecessarily. I ask you folks who know of whom I speak to please let these people be and do not antagonize them. It is not their fault that they suffer as they do, nor can they change it without help. Let’s not be part of the problem, let’s be part of the solution. Let our friends with agoraphobia live their virtual lives somewhere else and without our worsening their condition.

Yes – that means you Mook (no matter how sweet the fastball your sitting on is served up, let that ball hit the catchers mitt Mook.)

The Third Degree: Do Protest Work? What about politics and sports blur?

Afraidofedhochuliwrote a provocative piece on the protest that are surrounding the carrying of the Olympic torch. First things first I feel like we should get the political stigma out of the way. I am by definition a conservative American. I believe in restricted federal government, low taxes, free market, closed borders, strong military defense and a strong economic future. I try to think through political situations and topics thoroughly and make sound decisions based on reason and the information presented. I do my damn best to keep emotion out of my decisions. So now you know where I stand in the landscape. This is easier for some then others, others even prefer to make all political decisions based on how it makes them feel. This is fine and I have no quarrels with anyone else and how they choose to approach politics. However when it comes to protest and boycotts it’s hard to not be emotional, especially when it comes to your nation.

Afraidofedhochuli is right when it comes to protest and boycotts: some are required to make statements on situations that need to addressed, and putting your life in harms way is not the way to do it. First off, putting yourself at physical risk to make a political statement is a poor way to go about things and shows your mental capacity is low to begin with. If the only way you can think of creating change is to put your self or others at risk – then you already have come up with the wrong solution. Moreover an extreme protest or boycott by a few never gets nearly the attention or movement towards change that a modest event done by a mass of people does.

So with those bases covered lets take a look at the protest at the Golden Gate Bridge from the other day. Extremist scaled the cables of the Bridge to hang banners in protest of China’s treatment of Tibet. This was an inane attempt that brings a spotlight at how loony people from San Francisco are instead of on their cause. Threats and attempts of violence at the Olympic Torch Relay event in France were in my opinion equally as fruitless. I have gained no knowledge or insight about the situation in Tibet – but I know people in San Francisco and Paris are idiots. So they really accomplished very little while risking a ton.

We’re not going to agree on everything here at the ‘Chair, but I hope that we can agree that extremist are not people we want to support, mimic or associate with.

I hope that we can also agree that Afraidofedhochuli truly misspoke when he represented himself as “anti-American”. He tried to put it in the context of “when it comes to foreign policy.” I’m sorry Matt, but anti-American is anti-American no matter what, and I sincerely doubt that you are such. You are a liberal, I know this – an upset liberal at that. But I hardly believe that you are Anti-American, especially considering everything this country has given you and the opportunities it affords you. Let’s be reasonable Americans; we all have different political views but we can all agree that this country is great. It is the greatest nation in existence and we would all be worse off (exceptions made to our English friends) if we weren’t Americans. Love your country, love what it has given to you and what it can give your children. If you’re upset with your government (as I am) then work positively to change it and make it better. And please, approach issues with reason and judgment, not emotion and knee-jerk reaction. Enjoy the cartoon quotes…

(Editors Note: There were other opinions and sentiments stated in the comments section that I both heavily agree and disagree with but I won’t address. I will only say this: please think before you make blanket statements and generalizations in the comments because you cannot edit what you write and there were some things I would consider foolish and irresponsible stated.)

Cartoon Quotes

Ned Flanders : [ screams ]

Ned Flanders : PENIS!

Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders : [ devoutly ] ... bountiful penis.

Todd Flanders : Amen.

  • [ Bart puts a black bra on his head ] Bart Simpson : [ in the voice of a cartoon mouse ] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!
  • Mayor Quimby : I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.

Lenny : Black? That's the worst color there is. [ Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend ]

Lenny : No offense there, Carl.

Carl : I get it all the time.


Mr. Burns - AGM Burns Mascot

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