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ArmchairGM Burns: 3/31/08
By: Nate Gordon
Everyone has at least one friend every year that picks all 4 number 1s to make the Final Four. It never fails. That guy is always ridiculed and paraded around as the group dunce who knows nothing about College Basketball. This year however, we are the ones with egg on our face. Us, those who believe that we can pick the winners of these tournament games better for whatever reason. North Carolina, UCLA, Memphis and Kansas all took unique paths to the same destination and now prepare to travel to San Antonio. UCLA is heading to their third straight Final Four, yet they haven’t won the National Championship since 1995. As the Wizard of Westwood’s days near their sunset UCLA has given him the joy of watching the program he built return to their rightful place in College Basketball. Your friend though, didn’t pick UCLA and the other 3 teams for any reason like this. He simply went with the best four teams in the nation and for the first time in the modern era (post 1985) they all survived the gauntlet. This pisses me off in ways, and for reasons I don’t understand.
It’s not important really, what’s really important though is the start of Major League Baseball with Opening Day 2008. This year my Los Angeles Dodgers, the only team in Los Angeles, opens hosting the San Francisco Giants. As I write this the Blue Crew is up 3-0 in the top of the second inning after Matt Kemp singled in Rafael Furcal and Jeff Kent homered bringing in Kemp. Dodgers ace Brad Penny has looked solid early while Giants overpaid third starter turned ace Barry Zito has struggled with location. Dodgers got out of trouble in the second when Jose Castillo grounded into a double play to end the top of the inning. Anyway there is something overtly American about baseballs opening day. Every major sports league has a season opener of some sort: The Premiership has the Community Shield, the NFL has Thursday Night Football and the NBA does something terribly mediocre. Point is there is no better curtain raiser then baseball’s Opening Day. If the Dodgers are beating the Giants like the AAA team they are – all the sweeter!
Some new users fight back when they catch flak and good for them. Andykatz22 responds to criticism of his Pick and Go advice:
• “I love the criticism. I can take it. It would be no fun if we all agreed on everything. Maybe Mr. Sports Apple can contribute something of value to the conversation since you know so much about baseball strategy.”
• ”Take him, he's yours. Pierre will do very well on your Little League all-star team.”
• “We use to always call each other Wise Guys, like your gonna like this guy, he's a Wise Guy, understand? But not just anyone could be a Wise Guy they have to be able to trace your blood all the way back to the old country. Being a Wise Guy was like a license to steal - it was a license to do anything. No one could fuck around with you - you could also fuck around with anyone as long as he wasn't also a Wise Guy. See me and Jimmy couldn't be Made because of our Irish Blood, but Tommy was a full italian. With Tommy Made, it was kind of like we were Made too because we were Tommy's boys....
Kinda reminds me of here sometimes.
• Cartman : Screw you guys, I'm going home.
[ everyone realizes there isn't enough room to move ]
Stan : Well?
Cartman : I'm gonna, just give me a minute
• Stan : Hi Kenny.
Butters : I told you my name isn't Kenny. It's Butters.
Stan : Hi new Kenny.
• Stan : You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman : How do you know?
Stan : 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night.
Cartman : Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan : What's that?
Cartman : I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet.