AGM Burns: 3/11/08

Today, after many sleepless nights, days without shaving, nights without booty and afternoons without eating the Rec Sports Newsletter was released. After starting the UC Santa Barbara publication last April, Matt has hired our friend Jeff and as of January myself. Today's release is my first article to be published, and my Women's Lacrosse feature is front page, below the fold. So I'm throwing on my dodgers jersey, a blue Dodgers fitted and going out to enjoy the day. As for you losers? Well unless your heading over to Poker Stars or Full Tilt to get a little $1/$2 No Limit Hold Em; your either going to spend the rest of your work/school day jumping between ArmchairGM and ESPN, or between ArmchairGM and porn. Regardless of your choice of options, check out what I'm burning on, and the expanded Quotes of the Day, featuring Gil - our CEO and newest admin/respected member. If you need to have your ass kissed anymore then that, head over to SSR, and give the kid a few extra points for his troubles.

Everyone's Writing a Book - Or at Least Copying off of Manny

Frank Stevenson was intrigued by Manny Stiles leaving his daily post as Dr. Commento and his new job writing a book. This made Frank wonder what kind of book he would write, and ask the community what kind of book they would write. Let me be honest with you right now: almost all of your books wouldn't sell, moreover I wouldn't let you pay me to read it, and that goes for my own book as well. NFL Cheerleaders? Rejection, actually double rejection. Unless your going for a coffee table book that your 14 year old will eventually steal to masturbate too, this is a pointless book idea. SSR... actually - expanded that chapter on ChokingLosersHockey into a documentary on why rich young libs are so angry and upset with the world and you may have something there. After that, the conversation spins in to the AGM Linebacker instructing all young people to get off their lazy, Internet addicted asses to go outside and play. Which is more then a good idea, and don't just obey because he is the AGM Linebacker. Obey BigPPup because he actually knows what is best for you in this case. Let me break it down for the slower kids of the group: If you are in High School, get out of the computer lab and go play some basketball. If you are in college, put down the bong, move through the haze that has enveloped your living room, grab the soccer ball and go knock it around the pitch. I am going to be able to out run your children when I'm 40, because we are raising our children to be fat, lazy, insecure patsies. That's right.... patsies!

Butler, George Mason are Teams to Watch

Butler and George Mason Universities have earned their way into the NCAA Division 1 Men's Basketball Tournament. Since George Mason's final four run in 2005 they have made the NIT and have started to build a program that appears to be spiking upward. Butler are the silent giant killer lurking in the shadows. Disrespected with eleven and twelve seeds in recent past, they have used that position to knock off powerhouse programs and bring peoples brackets to their knees. If you have a team you like this year and they are matched up with Butler in the first round, swallow your pride and fill in Butler for round 2, it will save you money. Moreover now that I've got my sleepers out of the way I will give you my homer prediction. UC Santa Barbara is 2 wins from making their first NCAA Appearance since 2003 and currently sit on a 23-7 record. They by far have the strongest resume of any Big West team, therefore if they don't win the Big West tourney, you would think they would have a shot. Not even close. The Gauchos must win the Big West tourney in Anaheim if they want to go dancing. I believe that they will prevail and end up with a 12-13 seed, a nice position to be an upset special. Watch your back American, UC Santa Barbara is pushing for the second round!

Another Jay Mariotti Article...Yawn

I'm sorry, I'm just bored with bashing the facktard. There are just so many more productive things I can accomplish with literary diction then rehash the ramblings of one Fishlips McCackface. However, Tyrone Briggs has been able to put together about a years worth of documentation and analysis of Mr. McCackface. I am always amazed by how one person can find so much vitriol and distaste for another that they can spend an entire year breaking down the guys articles. Jay Mariotti doesn't deserve to write for a major market, nor does a major market deserve Mariotti. No doubt in my mind. However, do we deserve to have to endure one man's obsession with a mullet wearing fat ass from Penn? I'm not entirely sure. However, it's his space, and his time, so he can write about whatever the fack he pleases and that is just fine and dandy. Just don't expect me to continue to participate in the taking a dump on Mariotti because I'm over it and would rather ignore his existence.

The 3rd Degree: What if Questions

Vishal put together a series of what if questions about the Seattle Supersonics inspired by Bill Simmons article on the top 15 What If's of the NBA in the 2000s. Vishal ask all kinds of what ifs, and answers none of them. This is such a waste of time I wanted to go to this guys house and force him to pay me for the time it took me to go over his article. What a facking tool! Hey guys, what if MJ never came back to the Bulls? Hey, guess what facktard, what if he never left in the first place? What if, because MJ never left the Bulls won every title from 91-99 and Jerry Krause actually works to keep the team together through the early 2000s? What if my buddy Jeff's mom hadn't adopted him and he was working in a Nintendo factory in Korea? What if your mom hadn't hooked up with that mailman while your Dad was at work. What if, what if, what if all god damned facking day! What if the Germans got the A-Bomb first and we didn't have a Philadelphia or a Boston? We'd have a much happier sports nation!

Basically I hate what if questions, and if you refuse to answer them with some sort of outcome I just want to rip your damn head off. With that said, here come my quotes of the day which are inspired by Vishal's article and the arrival of our CEO, Gil. Who until this morning, I had no idea existed...


Quotes of the Day

  • Afraidofedhochuli is making a mistake by coming after me with this garbage: "Dude LA, dont be mad that you don't have an NFL team so you take it out on cities like seattle WHO ARE TRYING to save a team that won them a title in '79. Bitter is not a good color on you "

Sorry AoEH if you feel that way. See, my city gave up on the NFL because we didn't want NFL teams. Obviously, because we let 2 bolt town and have made no serious effort to bring a team back. Los Angeles functions better as a sports town without the NFL, and looking at the last 12 years, the NFL functions better without Los Angeles. Moreover, I could care less about the Seahawks a team that has never won a Super Bowl. A team that banked their defense future on Brian Bosworth and their offense on Jim Zorn. I could care less about a franchise that prides itself on it's quality, but had to be realigned to the NFC in order to get out of it's own division.Ya, that's a team I'm jealous of. I'll take my Oakland Raiders 400 days out of the year, which means I have to make up another 35 days.

Look buddy, your city pissed away your basketball team and I'm sorry that is happening to you. But bottom line your citizens and city let the Supersonics walk out of town. Seattle did less to keep the Supersonics then Brooklyn did to keep the Dodgers. Your city is disgraced and should be pointing the finger at themselves. Too bad they won't - but they should.

  • He wasn't the first to say this, but heed the warning. Tyrone speaks from the truth: "Those that forget the past are doomed to repeat it"

This was sparked by a debate of what if George W. Bush hadn't won the 2000 and 2004 elections. Tyrone and several others expressed a thought of Bush never winning the 2000 election in the first place. JuT has to realize that the single biggest enemy (for whatever reason) to liberals in America is George W. Bush. He has single handedly raped everyone of their mothers, murdered their fathers and got their siblings addicted to drugs. George W. Bush is the single reason everything bad in the world the last 8 years has happened. He is the reason you have ever had anything sad, unfortunate, tragic or bad happen in a liberals life. George W. Bush is the anti-Christ and needs to be hung up in front of the nation and executed on national television by the CEO of MoveOn.Org. If George W. Bush was never elected president everything that you've ever wanted or ever wanted to happen would of came to fruition. REMEMBER TO WAKE UP AND HATE GEORGE W. BUSH EVERYDAY AND PRAY FOR HIS DEMISE SO THAT YOU CAN LIVE YOUR PERFECT LIFE.

  • BigPPup has a few words for our CEO: I don't care if he is the CEO, you gotta pass the AGM Linebacker test if you want to be an admin, you got to pay the cost to be the boss. Watch out cause the pain train is coming."

Dan threw that ball across the middle to Gil a little high and the AGM Linebacker is gonna put dude in the hospital.

  • Justin ponders impeaching Gil for being a Red Sox fan: "impeachment for being a sox fan... geez, Ted Kennedy is still in office, I can't even imagine what it would take to take down the CEO ; - ) "

"I know the Count is a vampire, but has he ever sucked blood?"

"Are you asking me if the Count from Sesame Street has ever bitten someones neck, then sucked their blood for food?"


"No, no he has never done that."

Peter and Brian Griffin.


Mr. Burns - AGM Burns Mascot



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