AGM Burns 03/09/08

By: Nate Gordon

Daylight savings is a horrid concept originally developed to assist farmers. Now it helps college age kids pull all-nighters by knocking an hour off the night. Thank you daylight savings for helping me get up at 5 am Sunday, and pretty much work straight through to 2:00 am this morning. Throw a little I.M. basketball, a little sticky, a shower and a 30 minute drive and you have – an all-nighter. Anyway I’ll stop before we rename this “LA Sports Blog has life – cries about it.” So without further girl-talk, let’s get to what I’m burning on.

F.A. Cup Semis Set: 2nd tier rises to the top.

Many of you have taken a cursory glance at the Barclays Premier League news and tables. You may have seen Portsmouth F.C. amongst the names but never taken notice. Moreover, I will put one thousand dollars on a bet that many of you couldn’t name the captain of the other 3 FA Cup semifinalist; all League Championship clubs. Barnsley FC, West Bromwich Albion and Cardiff City FC overcame trying odds to make it to the final four. Thanks to the popularity of Fox Soccer Channel and ESPN2’s coverage of the UEFA Champions League, we get stunning AGM analysis like Jake the Snake: “I say that Portsmouth will take the championship because of the big win against Man U. “

…Doing Tim McCarver, Mychael Thompson and Jim Rome proud with that analysis.

Anyway, I’m a passionate soccer fan so I will be awaiting a final for the ages in May at Wembley Stadium.

 Times Square Gets Bombed, LASB Lives Under Rock:

Okay, I know this went down a couple of days ago but it just registered with me yesterday. Who the hell blew themselves up in Times Square? I didn’t hear about this happening but saw it on CNN Headline News yesterday and went into a rant of “what the facks” and “where the hell have I been?” I’m starting to wonder if I’ll remember the next girlfriends’ birthday, or to vote on Election Day. It’s not sports related, it’s just bothersome to me that this wasn’t like in your face national news. If it was, I live under a facking sports rock the size of Vermont.

Manny Updates Book – Writing Wrong Book:

Manny Stiles is a man that I only pretend to fully understand between the hours of ten and twelve on the 2 nd Monday of every other March. The rest of the time I’m asking questions and awaiting responses. So I ask this, why write the Anti-Kenrick book when your own life drama is a book in itself. Your family doesn’t want you to write it, your wife wants you to organize it. You have an English kid (Alex) to narrate the behind-the-scenes documentary, and you have haters to heckle you along the way. It’s your life, your story and your book, but I strongly encourage Manny to write about his experience with his brother and the Tampa Bay Rays. Like Manny mentioned yesterday, Sports Guy may have made the genre of being a loser popular. However, when you’ve banned Manny from all things credible – all is left is the INCREDIBLE.

SSR Changes Caption Contest Rules – Gets It.

Our friend SSR has updated the rules of the Caption Contest to actually make some sort of sense. Thank goodness, maybe we can get some serious Caption Contest action going now that everyone is on the same page. If you missed his new rules they are as follows:

Please note that the new cutoff time for captions and voting for the winner (who was Manny for the last one BTW) is from this post to the next caption contest (usually posted at 8:00 AM PST). Also, seeing as the captions have been less than stellar recently, you can enter as many captions as you want and I'll count all of them.


Beast Does Angels Previews: I Begrudgingly Endorse:

I hate the Anaheim Angels. I hate their stupid Disney affiliations, rally monkey and market stealing. I’ve asked many times before why this team is called the LA Angels if they are in Anaheim, 1 county south and 30 miles away from downtown Los Angeles. If I put a soccer team in Thousand Oaks, 35 miles north of downtown and in Ventura County, can I call them Los Angeles Gauchos of Thousand Oaks FC? It’s an absurd marketing and revenue sharing travesty. Anyway, now that I blew off that steam go check out The Beast Angels Previews: Second Base and First Base.

The 3rd Degree: Ban Dodgeball? Ban Bad Parenting.

When I was growing up in the early-mid 1990s it was natural to get home from school and go right out to play until the sun went down. Sometimes we would go inside for a little while to play a video game, but it wouldn’t be long before we were outside again. Now, children plant themselves in front of the TV, get babied by their parents and don’t learn how to properly wipe their ass. I’m telling you now parents, you are screwing up your kids – all of you. Even the high and mighty Cougar2k is not above this. (Oh no, I questioned your parenting!?!?! – do something about it or eat cack and like it) Parents, your children are not special! They are not something to behold and cherrish, and neither was I. I was a regular kid with ambitions and outdoor activities, friends, enemies and curiosities. Parents want to protect their children from every minor scratch and insult that comes their way. Let your children get outside and take their bumps and bruises. Let them get in playground scuffles and then teach them about how to defend themselves, and how to mediate a conflict like an adult. But STOP and I mean STOP treating your children like the facking Bubble Boy. I don’t need to pick on you individually (although I did take a light hearted jab a Cougar2K) you should be able to reflect on your own childhood and be able to tell if your screwing up. The sad thing is most of you will let ego or apathy stand in your way and allow this crap to continue. Oh well, don’t come and get angry with me when your kid is living with you at 30, talking about going back to college so they can lose their virginity and are playing Super Smash Bros. on your couch. That will all be YOUR fault.

Quotes of the Day;

  • Tyrone Briggs directed at Tmil42 “You don’t have to apologize for having a life.” (I’ll at least apologize for making you guys have to suffer through listening about my life above…)

  • Agent0 decided to call Manny out in the locker room for wanting attention. Hey guess what smart guy? If you don’t want to promote Manny getting attention, ignore him. Way to promote his cause though, I’m sure that’s what you were shooting for.

  • What Would Oakley Do? has a Monday basketball blog that you can reach Here. It’s called Monday Starting Five and I enjoyed it. If you’re an NBA fan I believe you will too. So click the link I provided and show the new guy that we do like the NBA here. Also, he’s posting full articles – let’s support this behavior!

  • DNL is promoting an Invite a Blogger Month. As you all can tell I already invited myself to start writing again and am enjoying it. You too, should also invite yourself to write again. Or, if you are a points whore like This Guy you can go Here

  • We end with wisdom from "The Boondocks"

”Ya nigga, I’m gonna get a chain!”

”Oh of course now I get it.”

“Huey, your not a real nigga like me see. You don’t understand how bad a nigga need a chain. If had a chain, everything in my life would be perfect… ooo whoo I can’t wait for niggas to start hating I can’t wait!”

“So you judge your success by the amount of ill will you generate from those around you?”

“Hey if niggas ain’t mad at you then you doing something wrong”

“By that definition then, you have a bright future.”   Huey and Riley Freeman of “The Boondocks” – don’t be Riley, be Huey.


Mr. Burns - AGM Burns Mascot

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.