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Article:The Fast Fifteen: 2008 Resolutions

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The new year is only 2 days old, and many people have made resolutions for the new year. It's time to take a peak at some resolutions from sports personalities. The following is not real, and is intended for comedic purposes only.

15. Sugar Bowl national anthem performers Bonerama try to retain title as funniest sexual innuendo band name.

14. James Dolan promised to all Knicks fans that Isiah Thomas would indeed be kept until 2050. 13. Brent Musberger has promised to himself to say "folks" only 50 times per game. 12. Pat Riley wants to cut back on hair gel, as it has sank one Florida city entirely. 11. Seattle Sonics promise to try other sports to see if they are any good at it. 10. England's soccer team plans to request to use 3 goalkeepers at the same time. 9. Jay Mariotti has made a resolution to start complaining about the Chicago Blackhawks. 8. Arizona Cardinals: We will win the division. 7. ArmchairGM writer SSreporters says he will try to beat his father in picking NFL games next season after a merciless ass kicking this season. 6. OJ Simpson: This is the year I'll find the killer. 5. Joe Buck has made a resolution to tone his voice down a bit after getting a little too excited this season. 4. The Tampa Bay Rays and the Florida Marlins have made a promise to start winning more games before the usual crowd of 50 walks out on them. 3. The Detroit Tigers have made a resolution to trade for the rest of the Marlins team. 2. Michael Irvin will cool himself down as he continues to get excited over the color of the out of bounds line. 1. Monday Night Football will try to cram an improbable 500 people into it's telecast.....450 of which are former Dallas Cowboys players and/or coaches. That's all from me, play nice folks.

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