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That big, Texas sigh of relief you smell…Yeah, no, sorry, it’s not coming from Terrell Owens’s cake hole, surprisingly! And no, this time it’s actually not being blown by George Wiener either, (something he’s been good at over the past few years. Instead this Texas Tornado is being blown by none other than the fans of the Dallas Cowboys…Turns out they were all holding their breaths and turning bluer than the rare blue jerseys the ‘Boys wear from time to time, but good news for all of them! They can breath a little easier now! Why? Oh, that’s real easy! Jessica Simpson isn't going to be in attendance when the Cowboys play on Sunday. So who really gives a shit if T.O.’s going to play or not…Simpson won’t be in the building!
While this is the best news a Cowboy or Fox viewer like myself can have, (won’t have to watch Fox turn a NFC Divisional Playoff game into a "What’s Jess Doing Now Telecast" courtesy of the horn ball directors in the truck for about 1,000 cutaway shots that she and her pink jersey would provide) for the Giants and their fans, well could the news get any worse? There goes the "Romessica Popcorn" advantage they seemingly were going to have! My advice, leave a couple tickets for her and her entourage, (mommy and daddy…since they have to follow her everywhere she goes to keep explaining to her that Romo isn’t really throwing a pig to Jason Witten…No, No honey, it’s pigskin. I know it’s hard to distinguish the difference) as they can be honorary guests! Hell, if Jerry Glanville can do this for Elvis, surely New York can do this for her!
As for the reason why blondie won’t be shaking her tat-tats in a pink number eight jersey in Texas Stadium…Well, here’s the song and dance to that!
"She is not attending. She's working on a new album," said Cindy Berger, publicist for the dishy distraction. "She will not be there, but she'll be watching [on TV] and cheering [Romo] on."
Gees, almost as bad as Owens publicist! Working on her new album…Funny, I didn’t even know she had a singing career still! What, is she doing collaborations with Britany Spears? Are they planing on making a comeback together…"The Comeback Duo", AWESOME! So then believing Berger’s "hogwash" about the "album work" and not being there…How the hell will she be able to watch the game if she’s in fact "working"? I take that back, Cindy’s making T.O.’s publicist, (excuse me, former) look like a freaking genius! Perhaps Berger is somehow related to Roger Clemens.
Working and watching a football game doesn’t happen…Period, (as Rafael Palmeiro would empathetically waggle his finger at)! Much less for Ms. Blondie Juggs! Hell, before Papa Joe and Mamma Tina told her what a quarterback was, she thought it was some kind of freaking refund…And that’s no lie! So I’m guessing she doesn’t even have the ability to walk and chew gum…Never mind "working and watching a football game"
Although by staying away from Texas Stadium, well it shows that she might have some common sense! Seeing as since her boy toy sucks ass when she’s in attendance! I wonder who provided her with this common sense? Big Poppa Joe or Big Momma Tina? Because we all know Romo didn’t convey the "stay away" message to her! Perhaps Terrell Owens? Nevertheless, while the real Jess won’t be live and in color at Texas Stadium, rest assured that the few Giant fans who will be in attendance will have to rely on pasting Simpson's head to a stick if they want to distract Romo from the task at hand.
While it didn't work in Carolina, the last time I checked the Giants don’t suck balls like the little putty cats, so one Tony Romo should be free to focus on Michael Strahan and the rest of the Giants defense. Of course, even without Simpson at Texas Stadium so to speak, (please see "head to a stick" if Romo should play poorly in a Cowboy loss he'll catch flak for spending time south of the border with the songbird.
You think Romeo might get distracted by this if this clip was played on the JumboTron Sunday…?
Just something to pass the time by during those boring ass television timeouts!Now that’s one hell of a TV timeout….To go along with one hell of a distraction, regardless! Make sure you "ROCK THE VOTE" in the "LastRowSports.com Caucus" which is trying to determine who’s the more "Laughable Liar?" Two worthy candidates, but one can have the distinction! As a fan of the spits and spats coming out of the LastRow help decide!…Polls are open now, so be heard America! Just like Roger Clemens was heard on 60 minutes!