Last week, Roger Clemens vociferously denied ever being injected with anything by Brian McNamee.

Then, he semi-recanted, saying that he received shots of B-12 and lyocane.

Now, he's suing McNamee, claiming defamation.

Seems like his story is flexible.

With that in mind, I hereby present the newest game:


Play along, as Roger writes a letter to his close friend.

Dear <name of close friend>:

I'm saddened to hear that Brian McNamee lied to George Mitchell about my use of <drug of choice>. I want to <verb> that <adjective> with a <large object> in the <part of body>. Everyone knows that I have never <past tense of verb> the <noun>, especially not when I was a member of the <name of organization>. In fact, when I was with <name of the same organization>, I only ate <fruit> and <main course typically found at a Mexican restaurant> -- and of course, a lot of <made up word ending with -ine>. But baseball allowed that stuff back then!

It's really stupid. <Name of teammate with Yankees> never gets in trouble for doing the exact same thing. But then again, his wife is into group <kinky-sounding word that isn't really kinky -- like, "kumquat">, if you know what I mean. Dude, she and I once went to <subpar chain restaurant> and told each other stories about that time at band camp where she shoved a <musical instrument> up her <body part> and started playing <famous song>! It was awesome. Heck, she still calls me "<your middle name> <name of the street you grew up on>" and her <noun> of a husband hasn't figured it out yet. He's probably as gay as a <color> <musical instrument>, though.

Oh, anyway, this McNamee guy. I'm going to sue him for <number> trillion dollars. He's going to be bleeding money out his <body part> until the <plural form of farm animal> return to <location>, and I don't mean that lightly! Yeah, so what if he probably has like six dollars to his name -- this is about truth, justice, and being an upstanding member of <country>. And, of course, about clearing my name so no one asks me where to get more roids.

Oh, and that Mike Piazza guy? <Verb> him. <Verb> him really hard with a <noun>.

With love,


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