Last night my wife and I went to a friend's house to watch the All-Star events, play poker and Oh, yeah - consume volumes of libations.

I got knocked out of the first round of Texas hold'em early. I had stated when someone got 4 Aces (and did my Krusty bets his daughter's violin routine - "But the sentimental value is through the roof!") that I had never seen a Royal Flush happen in real life. Yes, I annoy most poker players quite well.

On the second round I knocked my wife out when she went all in - a move most husbands would be wise to avoid for fear of sleeping alone, et al. My wife and I are different - TREMENDOUSLY competitive. Wife or not, I'm playing to win. She was pissed but I didn't care - I had ammo next time she talked smack on my poker skills and a big stack of chips to comfort me.

Luckily I actually won the second round on some typical Stiles unorthodoxy and utter luck (of course). Wifey wasn't so salty at me when I split the pot with her. Winning cures all.

On the third round, the table wound down to three players left - my wife, another guy Bobby and myself.

I got Ace of clubs and King of diamonds and was feeling good.

The flop was Q-J-K of spades and I was feeling better - Pair of Kings, Ace kicker.

But the words were muttered by an onlooker - "Woe. Jack, Queen, King of spades! Maybe you'll see a Royal Flush tonight, Erik."

Yeah and maybe we can change the constitution so I can run for President this year (I won't turn 35 in time).

Bets were made, I raised it, Bobby was short stacked so he folded. It was just me and wifey.

Turn card - Queen of diamonds!!! Yes! Now I had a pair of Kings, a Pair of Queens and an ace kicker!!! Wooo!!!


She called me. "She thinks I'm bluffing" I thought to myself. "beautiful!"

Then came the river card - 10 of spades!!! Now I had an ace high straight!!! Woo!!! No way she had the Royal but a flush would beat me.

Uh-oh... if she had a spade I was screwed!

I looked at her and went all-in. I figured there was no way she'd call after I knocked her out the round before. But she went all-in too.

I actually had $25 more in chips than her.

I flipped my card and showed my straight ace-high.

She flipped her one card - a nine of hearts - She had a straight, King high! I won, I won! She appeared dejected and sad. I was definitely sleeping alone tonight!

I started to collect the chips and then she flipped her other card...

Ace of Spades - ROYAL FLUSH.

There it was something else I had never seen before!


Whether you think it's a sport or not - A Royal Flush is a tremendous feat indeed!

I told her to keep the $25 I had remaining - I was so excited to see it happen in real life I didn't mind losing (plus I didn't have to yank out the fouton!) She ended up beating Bobby as people began to leave the party and the night came to an end.

What a night - first Dwight Howard's royal flushes and then my wife's. Plus we took home two of the three pots!!!

Damn, if only we were playing at the casino instead....

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