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Article:Matt's A-Z of Funny Sports Names

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I decided that this would be fun for a day when I am so angry over the Free Agent moves (or lack thereof) that the Seahawks have made.

So I went through a lot of names for the MLB and the NFL looking for names that I thought were interesting, mean or just plain weird.

I hope you enjoy


John Abadie   Not to be confused with Jack Agoodie.

Antonio Bastardo From all accounts this guy was a gem in the clubhouse.

Wayne Cage   Why play baseball when you have a name for adult films?

Abner Dalrymple   Nothing funny…I just laughed my tookus off when I read this name. I mean, he sounds like a type of bread.

Ox Eckhardt Any man named Ox gets my attention.  

Wilmer Font  

Fact: Got this name off of a couple other lists.

Fact: They all said: “is his sister’s name Ariel?”

Fact: That is funnier then anything I can come up with.  

Lee Gooch A last name like that usually gets you, what, 2-3 swirlies a day?

Rowdy Hardy Note to self: name my kid something that rhymes.

Bert Inks Think there was a headline somewhere that read: “Bert Inks Inks Deal”?

Alamazoo Jennings   Alamazoo? Alamazoo? What the heck is this? And then his last name is Jennings?

Lynn King Any King name is usually gold: Ray, Mike, Phock…but I was thinking of sausage for some reason.

Coco Laboy   I guess that Coco is a pretty standard nickname in Spanish speaking countries…I guess this isn’t funny…

Sport McAllister Lewis William McAllister liked to go by “Sport”. Makes sense…

Don Nottebart His last name was Thompson, but his Italian grandfather always forgot whether he was Don or his brother Bart. His grandmother would say: “That’s aDon nottaBart!”

That was all a lie and probably offended someone.

Paddy O'Connor   Can you get a more stereotypical Irish name?

Nick Picciuto   That is my favorite kind of Italian ham. Oh, wait…


Wimpy Quinn I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a base hit today.

Roxey Roach Pop Quiz: OF/2B/SS or stripper?

Wes Swackhamer Coolest.Name.Ever.

Frank Tanana Pohtayto, Pohtahto. Banana, Tanana.

Make ‘em say: uuuuuh, uhhhhh, Tananana, Tananana.

Jimmy Uchrinscko   Come again?

Dazzy Vance How do you go from Clarence to Dazzy? Not really a clear and logical move.

Dixie Walker Is he related to Street? Or Moon?

No X…pathetic.

Shane Youman Who, man? You, man! (Too easy?)

Dutch Zwilling Like Dazzy…Edward Zwilling went by Dutch. I just don’t get that.


Sneeze Achiu So many things to say…but I think the point stands at this: When your last name is a sound, don’t name your kid the action that causes the sound.


Dick Butkus Great player, mean summamabeach, terribly unflattering name. I would have gone by Richard.

Harry Colon I wonder if he ever got that checked.

Kirby Dar Dar    What? Was he in Star Wars? Because he certainly had no luck in the NFL.

Jug Earp Anyone else see a kid playing a banjo when they hear this name?

Scrapper Farrell

Great first name for a Football player: “Scrapper is a high-motor guy. He’s a scrapper.”

Ben Gay The ointment was brought to America in the 1890’s and he was born in 1980. Coincidence? I think not.

Chris Hanburger Chris, stay away from Wimpy Quinn. When he invites you over for dinner…he means it!

Rocket Ismail I just think it is totally cool that he went by Rocket.

Jack Jackson    Redundant Redundantson

Cedric Killings Great name for a Defensive Tackle. Bad name for a doctor.

Brad Lekkerkerker   and Cory Lekkerkerker Thank God they weren’t pitchers, huh?

George Magulick Any name that sounds like “made you lick” is just wrong.

Peaches Nadolney This guy played the wrong sport with a name like Peaches. His real name was Romanus Frank Nadolney. At least go by Frank.

Ben Obomanu I had to throw this in. It just roles off the tounge.

Bubba Paris When your last name is Paris, you first name better be Bubba.

Skeets Quinlan   Who names their kid Skeets? A skeet is a clay target that is used for target practice. Maybe he is the plural version of that. I guess it is also a slang term for cocaine. Mr. and Mrs. Quinlan, do we need to have an Intervention?

Ken-Yon Rambo What a great name. ‘Nuff said.

Saint Saffold The patron saint of mediocrity: 16 receptions in 14 games.

Craphonso Thorpe   Alphonso meets Cribbage? Or just someone really mean to their kid?

Jiggs Ullery

This sounds like a fake name; like “Hooty McBoobin” or “Max Powers” or “Ron Mexico”.

Pug Vaughan   I sure hope there is a funny story behind this name and not that he looks like the dog.

Todd Weiner This made the list because I am supposedly 12.

No X. Sad.

Ron Yankowski Let’s break down his last name:

Yank: To tug or pull

Ow: What you say when you are in pain.

Ski: To sled downhill or over water on skis.

So deep.

Tony Zuzzio I will not speak ill of a man that sounds like he has mob connections.

From: Afraidofedhochuli

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