If Fukudome ever hits a home run in the World Series, the press box might come tumbling down. But for now, the Cubs still are looking for their first win, despite the thunder of a would-be savior playing 6,500 miles from Japan and already looking completely at home. - Jay Mariotti

Doesn't that read just like a Bill Shatner line from Star Trek?

And that was only the first game of the year, correct?

Anyways, it seems that the back page pissant was overly worried that nobody would really believe that he actually attended the Cubs opener yesterday afternoon. So in order to irrefutably prove to the world that yes indeed he crawled out of the bunker to pay his annual homage to Wrigley Field, we are treated to no less than a third of a column describing the wondrous broadcasting talents of Yuji Araikawa.

Jay makes a point of demonstrating his incredible flair for diplomacy and goodwill by complimenting Araikawa's broadcasting abilities. How nice. And when exactly did Mariotti learn Japanese?

The agenda is of course obvious. With a more international media presence covering Kosuke Fukudome, Jay smells a rather golden opportunity. Why settle for simply being a national irritant when the coiffed bobblehead act can go global? Time to think big! It worked for Jerry Lewis, right?

Now that Mariotti's lost interest in the NCAA tournament (the glorious "Cinderella" teams have disappeared), attention has been re-directed towards the Cubs and White Sox. Quite recently the pundit proclaimed all of Cubdom mental midgets, then declared in a following column* that the Northsiders "owned the town" while systematically ripping apart the White Sox and now Jay second guesses Piniella's managing after only one game of the year.

Jay Mariotti - The Jerry Lewis of Japan.

Has a nice ring to it.

Before signing off, I'd like to take this opportunity to feature a rather outstanding article authored by NiteOwl, a regular contributor here at Jay the Joke. It is a terrific read on Harold Baines' career with the Chicago White Sox. NiteOwl is a long time sports fan and has written over 1200 blog entries on baseball with particular focus on biographies of former players along with game recaps. Check out his stellar work here and here.

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