Alas, all they saw was me, taking the only form of transportation the hotel could provide in taxi-dry Arizona. - Jay Mariotti

Evidently the streak for common sense appearing on the back page of the Chicago Sun-Times has abruptly ended after only two columns*.

Today (or is that tomorrow?), Jay Mariotti implies in the first three paragraphs that his entrance to the Cubs training camp via limo was bombarded with an overzealous media frenzy. Oh, puhleaze.....

It seems for the next little while, the dwarf will claim to "cover the scene" (isn't that a house reporter's duty?) during the Cubs spring training. God only knows why the Sun-Times elected its laziest and least reputable sports "journalist"* for this task. And one can only help but wonder how hard and furious Jay incessantly lobbied for such a prestigious Lisagor-bound assignment.

Or perhaps maybe Mariotti is desperately seeking the affections of Sam Zell for job security and personal fetish fantasies that include the notorious Inez wedding dress hanging ever so prepared in his hotel closet?

Jay seems a little self-conscious today over the matter of taking a hotel town car to the Cubs camp. After all, he only spent a third of today's self-serving filth detailing the horrific ordeal in great detail. It seems that the pundit was unable to find a taxi in Mesa. We're here to rescue Jay in order to prevent another paparazzi scrum. Never say that those dreaded Internet creatures are not useful.

King Cab & Shuttle (480-981-0999)

Yellow Express Cab (480-217-5505)

Shadow Mexico (480-464-2988)

Mesa Metro (480-833-5155)

Safeway American Taxi (480-834-7233)

A Union Cab Co (480-303-9999)

Green Cabco (480-317-9999)

Cabco (480-777-7900)

A Taxicab & Transportation (480-668-8225)

Now Jay, pick up your pink cell phone and dial one of the above numbers. And don't forget to leave a tip to the driver that is not in the form of change. After a few miles of driving your arse to the Cubs camp, it will be money well earned.

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