However many of days the answer is, the only answer that matters is TOO FREAKING MANY! Are you freaking kidding me, in a span of 12 hours the NBA season concluded and so did the greatest golfer who has ever walked the planet, (arguably I guess…to me, there’s no arguing about it)! Now yes, Game 6 of The Finals was a bore, kind of on the same level as watching a Texas Ranger game…Although, the blowout gave me time for thoughts to enter my head. And the one interesting thought that came to mind, how much freaking gas did the Lakers waste by traveling back to Beantown for Game 6? Was I the only one who thought that? It made me want to impersonate Paul Pierce & KG and just yell at the top of my lungs for no damn reason! I know, I know, it’s jet fuel, but hell Michael Waltrip has a use for it!
Now that David Stern has awakened for his wet dream from having a Celtics-Lakers matchup, um, did it live up to the billing? Well, it definitely had more hype than the Spurs-Cavs matchup a year ago…As far as off the court goes. On the court, it was pretty much equal in terms of snooze fest and the series should’ve been a sweep. Hey here’s a thought, perhaps Tiger Woods should’ve suited up in the Purple & Gold and hopped around on one leg out there since this cat certainly has some balls in his bag…Hell, he couldn’t have done any worse than Kobe did! Though in Kobe’s defense, I’ll say that Pau GaSOFT and Lamar O-DAMN took big shits on 24. That doesn’t excuse the fact of the matter that if one’s mentioned in the same breath as Michael Jordan, they don’t find ways to lead their team to the good life! Oh well, one thing that came good out of these Finals, well two actually…One, the Lakers being embarrassed in every which way in the series and two, all the ridiculous notions that Kobe was in the same category as MJ, well, may they RIP.
Yeah, I admit somebody’s in the class of MJ, but not Kobe…It’s Tiger! Though here’s some inside information, Tiger just has more balls in his bag! Are you f****** serious, a Tigerless summer! What the hell do we do now…Well, besides start to crossing off the day on our calendar until football starts! Hell, I don’t know why I’m already looking forward to the season…My teams are going to suck big time ass! GO IRISH and GO BEARS! See what I mean! A Tigerless PGA is well along the same lines of watching a freaking baseball game on the boob tube…I’d rather try something different! Perhaps for entertainment I’ll try and do my best bird impression, by jumping off the top of my condo building, (it’s only 10 floors high) and then begin flapping my arms as fast as I can, hoping I have taken some great notes from birds over the years. Oh well, worst case scenario I plummet into the river…But don’t worry, the river will break my nose dive!
Okay, so that might be a tad of me exaggerating, but seriously lets be real…Nobody gives a shit about baseball until September, well except for the Baseball Tonight assmunches! God, how boring life must be for them! Oh yeah, and all their colleagues who cooked up the whole "TitleTown" spin off of Who’s Now to try and fabricate sports news, sorry to burst that bubble but I think we all know which town it is. Could it be BeanTown…If it’s not, everybody at ESPN should be shot!
So from now until mid-July, as sports fans, what is there for us? Major League Baseball everyday…I’d rather put my head in a mircowave on a daily basis and turn it on, of course! A Tigerless PGA Tour…I’d rather be harpooned with a flag stick, bow & arrow style! Oh wait, there’s NASCAR. I’d rather play human chicken with the 42-car field…Hey Digger does it! Fourth of July we have the Nathan’s Hotdogs Spew & Yak Attack…Love filling the gut with 20 pounds of pig ass! Yum, Yum! WNBA? Nuff Said there!!
For the love of God, I want my football…I want, I want, I want! I’m sure I’m not alone either! Yes, as sports fans, we’re in the dog days of summer…And yes, it blows goats! Well, I’m off to the 10 th floor to scout things out…Perhaps Kobe might want to join me? Shaq – 1…Kobe – 0! That has to hurt!