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Another year already?? Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday when I was watching David Tyree make the best catch in NFL history and I was jumping around like a maniac after Plaxico nestled in the winning TD throw.
I almost STILL cannot believe that I saw the Giants as Super Bowl champs, Lombardi trophy winners, and defeaters of the undefeatable. I have enough equity built up for the next 15 years, but let's not go there.......
If we look at the recap of last year, the FatMan had 7 out of the 12 playoff teams pegged and had the Pats going to the Super Bowl and winning it, and the Giants losing to the Saints in the NFC title game. So overall, it isn't Kreskin-like, but probably a lot better than the fools at BSPN, especially the brain dead like Merrill Hoge. But the FatMan doesn't want to rest on laurels and only being half right, he wants to be 100% correct, and until he reaches perfection, he will be a surly, agitated motherfucker. For the love of humanity, let perfection be attained!
Enough babbling about angry fat men, let's take a look at how 2008 will play out and who will be lifting the Giants trophy next year:
New England 13-3 Buffalo 9-7 Jets 7-9 Miami 6-10
Cleveland 10-6 X - Baltimore 9-7 Pittsburgh 8-8 Cincinnati 5-11
Indianapolis 11-5 X -Jacksonville 10-6 Houston 8-8 Tennessee 3-13
S.D. 12-4 Denver 8-8 K.C. 6-10 Oakland 4-12
Giants 11-5 X - Dallas 10-6 Philly 8-8 Washington 6-10
Detroit 11-5 Minnesota 9-7 Green Bay 8-8 Chicago 6-10
New Orleans 11-5 Tampa Bay 9-7 Carolina 7-9 Atlanta 6-10
Arizona 10-6 X -Seattle 9-7 St. Louis 6-10 S.F. 4-12
AFC Champion - San Diego
NFC Champion - New York
SB Champ - Giants
Coach of the Year - Ken Wisenhunt
Offensive MVP - Peyton Manning
Defensive MVP - Justin Tuck
That's right - it's a repeat!!! The Lombardi Trophy is going nowhere!!
It has been an interesting offseason. Favre retired, then came back, then got his own category on the ESPN Bottom line. Now, much of America wants to punch him in the balls. Twice. Javon Walker was beaten on the street until video showed him getting beaten in a hotel and then walking to the street. Then he threatened to retire, and failed to follow through. Strahan did follow through, leaving FOX with a big ass gap in the studio, but not such a large one on the Giants, as Osi and Tuck are up to the challenge.
Steve Smith punched another dude from behind, earning the Michael Westbook Award for Sucker Punching, his second piece of hardware in the past few years. The Redskins lost two DE's the first day of camp and signed an accomplished dancer. Danny Boy must have been watching ABC with a passion. Jeremy shockey was traded to the Saints, putting him right in the epicenter of a party district, but still within wafting distance of Tara Reid's fetid hatchet wound.
And after that, is there really anything else to report?
Three Teams Who Could Surprise -
Houston- In what seems to be a team always on the cusp of turning the corner, we find a squad that has to contend with Indy and Jacksonville continually who keep slapping their asses back towards the cellar. On the bright side, what a difference a year makes in the way people look at Mario Williams. Just another example of why every talking head on ESPN should get shit-canned. Between calling Williams a bust and their nightly Giants bashing, how can any of them actually look at the camera with a straight face and say that they are bringing insight??. It is amazing how many times the Giants were going to fire Coughlin, replace Eli, or lose a playoff game. But I digress on a tanget of stupidity! Back to the Texans, so instead of contending, this team will be asking once again, "How come the Panthers and Jags got all the breaks as expansion teams and we were dealt the shit?", because they are still digging out from under a pile of dung. Don't count them out, but don't bet on them while the Colts and Jags have fly swatters in their hands.
Buffalo - Look, nobody expects anything out of this group - and why should they. The OL is horrid, they don't know who is going to be throwing the ball at QB, they have a running back hitting clueless pedestrians in the offseason, and they play in the NFL's version of Siberia. Players don't seem to think about playing football there, they are thinking about ways to escape the gulag and get the fuck out of Dodge. But even through all of this, the Bills show pluck. I have no idea how they do it, but maybe being around an owner with one foot in the grave shows them just how fragile life can be, or maybe they realize that if Buffalo fails, they might end up in Toronto or LA, which believe it or not are both worse than Siberia. Nyet!!
Cleveland - One time a long, long time ago, people feared going into Cleveland. Mainly, it was out of fear of getting shot or mugged, but there was fear nonetheless. Since the city has put the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in and revitalized its look, people have become more pussified, which is great for those looking to remain stab-free, but really sucks for players on a gridiron. They have a TE who gets hurt doing wheelies on a moped, and a QB in the wings who has gay porn star written all over him. Fortunately, some of the attitude is coming back. Fans might actually think about pelting people with dog bones sometime soon, and not get laughed at for doing it in a 30-7 rout. Then again, the pussification of Cleveland could continue. This is why they play the games, to find these burning questions out.
Three Teams Who May Disappoint - Washington - Alright, give it up to the Washington Redskins - the NFL Paper Champions in July for the 13th straight year. And this is what creates a double-edge sword. Expectations get raised so high, for so many terrible reasons, that the Redskins can't help but suck dick like a porn star. They have a new coach, a rotating defense, and inexperience at a lot of places, not to mention pretty poor depth, yet a lot of "experts" have them doing well. Don't listen to the experts, listen to the FatMan.
Green Bay - I know the Brett Favre thing is played out more than a drama queen at a wedding, but the reality is, the Pack are unlikely to repeat their success from last year. They were amazingly healthy at key positions and stumbled onto a gold mine with Ryan Grant at the one position they had injuries at. Don't expect that kind of good luck to continue. I think even with Favre, they were going to be in tough shape, now when they realize the poor performance, everyone is going to use causation to blame it on Brett's departure. And there, I used my big word for the day....
Miami - The other rite of Fall, other than proclaiming the Redskins champions and to watch the Bengals commit heinous crimes, is to watch the Dolphins horribly miss expectations. This year, it could be tough to miss expectations because they are set lower than Vern Troyer's urinal. Still, the arrival of Tuna brings the arrival of reeling in a big fish and pulling out a playoff berth. If they do that, Little Bill might even give his former mentor props. However, it is more likely that Little Bill will give a smug smile under his hoodie as the Fins stumble to the bottom again.
Well, there you have it - the annual list of winners and losers. Don't take it to the bank, take it to Vegas and then take it to the bank. Compound interest has nothing on Vegas odds. It's the offseason and already I feel like a fat cat. Join me in having some Whiskers. Actually, give me a whiskey....... Remember,
When you Want the Skinny on Picking, Turn to The FatMan!