In this day in age, in which you can be addicted to pretty much anything, one of the most obsessive past times has failed to get much attention. It’s likely you know at least one person who is way too into their fantasy teams and would do well by locking themselves in a room with no television or internet for a couple of days. But then you would have no one to randomly spit out statistics at the bar whenever you need them.
Because everyone likes to take quizzes that tell us what we already know about ourselves but refuse to admit, I’ve devised a quiz to gauge just how obsessed you are with your imaginary sporting teams. Are you a fair weather player who plays because it makes random games exciting? Or maybe you are one of the 24 people in the U.S. who have still not participated in a fantasy sports league. Regardless, you need to take this quiz and find out -- because your brain won’t give you an honest answer.
1. In the weeks leading up to the draft, on average, how many draft preview magazines do you have around your house?
D. All of them
2. It is the final home stretch of your fantasy baseball season and last night’s results were key in deciding whether or not you will finish in the money. You wake up and realize you're running a little late for work. What do you do?
A. Hop in the shower and hightail it to work
B. Check your league really quick, skip a shower and book it to work
C. Check your league with the intentions of it being quick, but it turns into a lengthier session and you end up being late for work
D. Call in sick, you weren’t feeling too good anyway
3. You're watching a game with your girlfriend's father and the running back who is starting ahead of your young sleeper dislocates his knee and is carted off the field. How do you react?
A. You had forgotten you even had the sleeper on your team still and just shake your head as the players carted off
B. Pretend to be saddened by the news and remark that you hope he’ll be okay while celebrating on the inside
C. Grin, pump your fist and remark to your girlfriend’s father that that injury likely just netted you $250
D. Rocket off the couch, screaming in celebration and then immediately head to the fridge to snag a celebratory beer
4. Who is Colby Rasmus?
B. That British chef who’s always flipping out on people
C. A minor league prospect
D. Will play a major role in you winning your 2009 championship
5. How much time do you spend picking your fantasy team name?
A. Instantaneously upon sign up
B. Five to ten minutes
C. Several hours
D. You’ve already begun brainstorming for next years teams
6. It is an ordinary Sunday morning in October. What are you doing?
A. Sleeping, what else?
B. Getting ready to head to the bar with some buddies
C. Getting some food ready and watching a pre-game show
D. Sitting on the couch, surrounded by printouts of your opponents roster, obsessively trying to get an injury update on Brian Westbrook
7. On average, how many fantasy teams do you have per year in any given sport?
D. You can’t remember exactly, but it was more than seven
8. Could you accurately describe to someone what O.P.S. is?
A. How about you explain it to me
B. I think so..
C. Of course!
D. Forget O.P.S., let me tell you about this stat I just invented
9. What is your opinion on waiver wire whores?
A. Aren’t they illegal?
B. They don’t bother me too much
C. Opinion? I am one!
D. They should be killed and thrown in the ocean
10. You're in earshot of many people on a quiet bus and your buddy is calling you with a trade proposal. What do you do?
A. You don’t know why he’s calling you, you haven’t checked your team in months
B. Forward the call to your voicemail. You don’t want these people thinking you’re a fruit cake
C. Pay no attention to those around you and casually humor his offer
D. Answer and immediately start screaming at him for even considering offering you Michael Bourn and Curtis Granderson for Brandon Webb
Now, add up your totals like so: A’s are worth one point, B’s are worth two, C’s three, and D’s are (you guessed it) five. Just kidding, D’s are four. Add up your total and get ready to take a look in the cruel mirror known as reality.
10 points - 15 points
You have failed to be humored by this fantasy game that has swept the nation. You generally regard those who do play as strange and not the kind of people you want to hang out and or be seen in public with.
Addiction level: None, you get high on life. In particular, things that aren’t pretend.
16 points - 24 points
You were likely introduced to fantasy sports through some friends and have kept playing because it is fun and expands upon your sporting knowledge. While you're not the type to commission your own league, you are the guy that people always call to fill the last spot in their league, knowing you’re a sure thing.
Addiction level: It’s just a fling. Sort of like those who only smoke cigarettes when they’re bombed, you only play fantasy sports if you'rre in the mood and want to have some fun. You have little to no chance of becoming seriously addicted.
25 points - 33 points
Congratulations! You are in the same boat with about 75% of the people who play fantasy sports. You're not crazily addicted, but you're also not about to let the chance at some prize money cash slip by. You monitor your teams consistently and watch a variety of games because you're both legitimately interested in the sport and because you want to monitor as many of your players as you can.
Addiction level: A regular user. You're at risk to eventually become fanatically addicted, but your grounded enough to know that such a thing would not be good for your reputation.
34 points - 39 points
Your participation in fantasy leagues has officially become an obsession. You spend more time thinking about stolen base totals and interceptions than you do your own family. If you had to choose between acquiring Peyton Manning on your keeper league for free or a limo full of strippers and booze, you would probably take Peyton Manning. This proves that you indeed have a serious problem.
Addiction level: It’s become a problem. Fantasy sports has touched all areas of your life, whether it be the bathroom, at work, or in an airplane. The only good thing to come out of this is that you probably consistently finish in the money in all your leagues.
You are an enigma. A fantasy sports legend. You have won so many titles that you actually stopped making plaques for your living room wall. Most people don’t want to be around you because they think there is a strong chance your are legitimately insane. In fact, this is probably the case.
Addiction level: Off the charts. You are a mortal lock to be involved one way or another in the world’s first fantasy sports related homicide.