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Article:Awesomely Awesome Moments from...the Clemens 60 Minutes Interview

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I have never watched a full episode of 60 Minutes in my entire life. Neither has Chuck Norris or Wes Welker, as they both watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes. That's about to change, as the Scum of the Earth is about to take the stand in Court of Public Opinion. Mike Wallace, you may proceed.

  • In the opening segment, where they show all of the stories that will air in the episode, there's a clip of Clemens saying, "After 24, 25 years Mike, you'd thank I'd git an eench a respect!" I'll refrain from spelling phonetically from here on out, because it would be indecipherable, but that's what he sounded like. I love Southern accents, but not when they're spoken by an obnoxious egomaniac who may be lying on national television.
  • Mike Wallace is really wrinkly.
  • Wallace starts asking about how Clemens can possibly pitch this well for this long, saying it's impossible. Clemens responds by saying it is possible, with hard work. Meaning getting your ass shot up?
  • Wallace is reading a segment from the Mitchell Report, Roger is looking down nervously and nodding/shaking his head. He continues to do this while Wallace is asking all of his questions and reading the Mitchell report. Clemens usually responds with, "Never happened." Nothing more than that, so Wallace continues. No berating McNamee, no further explanation.
  • Clemens says that if he had been taking steroids, his body would have changed, a third ear would have grown out of his head and he would be able to pull a truck with his teeth. I think his chin has been made up to disguise the ear.
  • Best question so far...What would McNamee gain from lying to Mitchell's committee? Clemens says he thinks by lying, McNamee got himself out of going to jail for selling steroids. Wallace continues by asking why McNamee would tell the truth about Andy Pettitte, but lie about Clemens, Roger simply says the two cases are very different, with no further explanation. What? How are they different?
  • Clemens says he is concerned with the amount of Vioxx he took for his joints, now that it's been recalled and has shown possible damage to his heart. Really? That's the biggest thing you're worried about, Rocket?
  • Clemens says he's not sure if he can defend himself, that people have already made their judgments. I thought he was a selfish pig before the Mitchell Report, so it's a lost cause for me.
  • Clemens says he's retiring? Really? Wallace makes the point of his numerous un-retirements, but I feel like the Mitchell Report will exhaust his passion for the game to the point where he doesn't want to pitch anymore. Plus, if he did take steroids, his body should be breaking down by now.

Overall, disappointing for a few reasons. He didn't seem that angry, he just seemed whiny about the fact he's been painted as guilty when no hard evidence has been presented. He didn't feel the need to explain his denials, as if he felt a "Never happened" would be satisfactory to the American public. He didn't seem angry at McNamee, just sort of miffed, nothing that McNamee's lawyers could sue for.

The worst part of this whole thing is, how the hell are we supposed to know who is telling the truth? A lie detector, as Wallace suggested? Do we trust the ageless greatest pitcher of the Modern Era, or someone who told the truth about so many others under oath? This has to be one of the most frustrating sports stories I've ever come across. I will be satisfied when the truth is generated...I'm hoping this means Clemens bawling his eyes out like Marion Jones and admitting what a liar he is.

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