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Article:20080616 Manny Stiles' Sportsune Cookie

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Welcome to Manny Stiles ' Daily Weekday Column:

"Sportsune Cookie" – If you 'Google' the word "Sportsune" this is what you'll find.

00a Sportsune Cookie

A noun always gets more done with help from a verb (in sports)

Sportsune Cookie

The agony of defeat is usually pretty painful but it's scars won't impress the ladies

Man, this section is tough for me to write today. Which means I'll keep it under the 3,000 word threshold this time! I didn't have any "adventures" or "obligations" this weekend, so it was a lazy one, start to finish... And the Sonoran Desert heat finally decided it was time to rear it's ugly, sweltering head.

I could get into all the reasons you're foolish if you think the Rays want to trade for Ken Griffey Jr....

Hint to World: Just because he says he'd waive his no trade clause, it doesn't mean the Rays WANT to trade for him (especially considering his contract status and the fact that he'd like his option picked up in order to waive that no-trade clause)! And especially when his agent says it's not true.

... but I won't.

So on to everything else...

All in all, being that I'm not much for golf on TV, I hate both the city of Boston's smarmy sports fans AND the Los Angeles Lakers and the Rays - Marlins game wasn't available at my regular MLB game carrying pub. Sunday was ominous from the start. All that was left was choosing between watching NASCAR and going outside to play with the kids in the screaming 110 degree heat. Yeah, neither was happening on this day...

Well, there was the U.S. who beat Barbados 8-0 in feetball. Yawn (slaps self in effort to re-awaken), Yawn some more. The only thing worse than no scoring in feetball is too much of it on one side. How many soccer fields big is the island of Barbados, anyway? 3? 4? Paint me fluorescently unimpressed.

When they abbreviate the team name as "BRB"... THAT should be a "clue"...

I'd still rather watch bowling, or a fishing show. All things which are more fun to do than watch...

It was too damned hot to even do any decent cooking without torturing the A.C. unit more than we already were! My computer monitor FINALLY croaked all the way and I had to take the monitor from my recording studio to use the internet until I get a new monitor. The studio is also where I like to hide out since it's the coolest and most Manny-ized room in the house... the Manny Cave!

So with that computer dysfunctional, I had no real purpose to be in my cool, dark cocoon to write or record music and my kids were just ornery because we had them couped up inside to keep them from melting in the heat. My TV was a Ice Dancing Special away from joining my former monitor involuntarily!

I decided the kids were going to provide my entertainment. Since there was no suitable sports to brainwash them with, I gave them the choice of media input for the day. So my kids made me watch a Power Rangers DVD wifey recently got them - or as I call it, "a 90 minute example of why jamming a rusty screwdriver into your eyes and ears might not be as bad as you'd think". That was my Father's Day treat. It was painful and sweaty. Then the kids watched it again when it was over because they are my kids - and coincidentally... you know... "compulsively obsessed" with things. After it was over the second time and we turned the DVD player off, we flipped over to the regular TV and guess what? The exact same movie was JUST starting on the Cartoon Channel... and my kids were NOT going to miss the opportunity to see the same movie they just watched twice but this time WITH commercials!!!!

F - A - C - K - M - E with all five colors of Power Rangers!

And when did Cartoon Channel show movies that AREN'T cartoons anyway!!!!?????!!!!

Probably around the same time VH1 stopped showing music videos (which was well after MTV stopped), the E! network had more comedy on it than the Comedy Network and ESPN started pretending to be a socially conscious moral obligation provider.

So I blame interleague play for not being able to save me - like I could pretend to enjoy a Royals - D-Backs game if my life depended on it - and I think I really, really, really hate Rachel Nichols more than ever... for no other reason than she overtook Rachel Ray in the "annoying as shit to me" category (I wonder if it's just all "Rachel"s)...

Overall... What a crappy Father's Day! (maybe it was that damned karma returning the favor for not creating a more pleasant environment on Mother's Day?)

Pre-emptive Maneuvers

I'm taking Rocco - It just seems like a good day to root for guys named Rocco. They're underdogs! Whether it's Baldelli in his comeback revival or Mediate in the sport I give little regard to watching (golf). I'm rooting for Rocco.

Another reason I'm rooting for Rocco is because I actually have heard of him! He's won the FBR Open (well, it was called the "Phoenix Open" when he won it) and always seems to do well at Scottsdale TPC - which I used to live very close to. Of course, it's known as the "Party Stop" on the PGA tour. Although I never attended it, I lived close enough to feel the roar of the drunken crowd. The wussyish Mr. Woods likes to skip that tournament because people often get "too rowdy" plus it's a giant Phil Mickelson leg hump.

I wish golfers and tennis players would grow their respective sacks and learn to play their games with the PAYING crowds able to root and cheer as they please. If you can't focus because "it's too loud" well then maybe you suck - or at least you suck at handling pressure. I mean, there's freeking blimps buzzing overhead and noise from action on the other holes - it's time you made your sport FAN friendly...

Besides, Tiger has a sore knee he's faking to add unnecessary drama - or "built in excuse" if he loses and I can shove it all in your faces that I was right!!! If Tiger wins, then I'm wrong, but big whoop - I have my "built in excuse" - Tiger is SUPPOSED to win this thing! And I don't care about golf much anyway. Ha ha! You can't beat me!

Go, Cinderella!!! Whack that ball into the hole!

On the other hand... - I'm actually going to watch the playoff round even though I rarely ever watch golf on TV. Why? It's a Playoff! It's Overtime of Game 7. It's extra innings! It's do or die!!! Even something that's as dead boring as golf or even soccer is fun to watch when it means more!

Hey, I LOVE sports - when I say I "don't like it much", that just means "in comparison to baseball"!!! It's still better than whatever is on TV that my kids want to watch! Except Deadliest Catch of course. These kids are crab addicts - especially eating them! (well, anything seafood related. It's all externally influenced - it's 1/3 me, it's 1/3 the aquariums in our house and 1/3 SpongeBob Squarepants!!!)

On a third, imaginary hand... - While I will rarely stop while flipping through stations to watch golf because it's better to play than watch - in my opinion - I cannot resist stopping on any kind of competition or exhibition founded on eating. And it's ALWAYS more fun to eat than watch... but still I get suckered in every time. Man, if there's ever an all consumption version of Fear Factor, I want in!!!

Popular doesn't always mean "good" - Next time someone tries to sell you on the rising popularity of soccer in the U.S. and you REALLY don't feel like hearing it, explain to them the finer points of NASCAR.

Warning - You are about to be warned! - I'm giving you three days to prepare for my next WNBA article and an indeterminate amount of warning for my next rap tribute to the Rays...

Happy and Sad - Alright, I'm pulling for the Celtics to win but I don't want Boston to enjoy it. I just hate the Lakers more and I'll feel less disgust seeing KG fall off the list of NBA MVPs to never win a title. (I still see you, Karl Malone, Allen Iverson, Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki)

You know what hasn't happened in a while? - I'm trying to jinx it, but it's inevitable - the death of a current athlete. But I'm hoping for a suicide or O.D.. I don't like the sudden unexpected deaths as much. We need some extra drama when the NBA Finals end. (So what. I'm a bit of a sicko - news flash!)

Is it ironic sarcasm or is it sarcastic irony? - NBA draft prospect Bill Walker from Kansas State has the wrong last name. After a serious knee injury in high school, he suffered another knee injury while working out for the Warriors. He has been overshadowed by "star" athletes his whole career (first O.J. Mayo then Michael Beasley). Poor kid is a tough dirt worker who can't seem to catch a break. Now, Bill Walker might NEED a walker... sad.

MLB gets it wrong every time they try to get it right - I'm BETTING a serious chunk of coin that MLB's "instant replay" will be needed about 12 times in the last 3 days of July (you know, before they are implementing its use) and then not again until the playoffs - and the first time they try to use it in the playoffs, there will be inconclusive evidence and endless debate and rhetoric afterwards. GUARANTEED! You know, because the baseball gods are funny like that...

NASFL Special Report

NASFL cities and their respective abilities to make the playoffs this century

A quick look into the NASFL and a little statistic called "Playoff Ratio" The following chart consists of data gathered since Jan 1, 2001.

NASFL logo

NASFL is always there when you need to shove useless statistics down people's throats! (A Manny Stiles and Fudging With Numbers Ventures Production)

Listed for each city is the number of playoff appearances per seasons played in that city for each of the four major sports (MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL).

There has been 7 seasons each completed for MLB, NFL and NHL (thanks to one season of lockout) and 8 seasons for the NBA since Jan 1, 2001. Years are only counted for seasons teams played in that city (Note - the Hornets count for CHA in '01 and '02, but NAW gets credit for seasons the Hornets split between OKC and NAW)

Template:NASFL Playoffs Ratio Template

  • Notes:
    • (a) Best % among "Tier 1" cities
    • (b) Best % among 3 sport cities
    • (c) Best % among 2 sport cities
    • (*) San Antonio is the only single franchise city in NASFL

I find these things interesting about NASFL Playoffs Ratio

1. Maybe "Northeast Bias" has a good point. But "Central Bias" should be screaming from the rooftops! People in Dallas, Denver and St. Louis have it really good as far as consistent winners. Championships, however are another animal in the Central during the "Naughty Aughties" (my nickname for this decade).

2. For the rabid fan base that Chicago supposedly has, maybe the sports fans of that city really do have a reason to feel like a bunch of losers. 27.78% chance of making the playoffs per season/per team so far this century? With FIVE Pro franchises in town, that SUCKS.

3. Miami really sucks. By far the WORST playoff percentage of any 4 sport city. And Charlotte, you aren't much better!

4. I think Philly fans, despite not having a championship since electricity was invented have a pretty good reason to shove it in the faces of New York fans... Five less teams in your city but they make the playoffs slightly more often... there's some significance in there. And yes, I said "since electricity was 'invented'"...

5. Shut up, Boston. Or I'll run these same playoff statistics for the LAST century...

6. If you like having winning teams around, move to Indianapolis. Only twice since 2001 did Indy's pro franchises NOT make the playoffs. Of course, that's about ALL that's going on there... (We don't call it 'Indy-a-No-Place' for nothing!)

7. Poor Cincinnati. As if living that close to Dayton wasn't enough of a drag...

8. And people wonder why the Bills want to play some games in Toronto.

9. Only Boston, Philly, New York, Detroit, and Dallas offer you all four major sports AND a better than 50% average track record of a playoff team in each of them! Keep in mind, these cities INCLUDE such teams as the Boston Bruins, New York Knicks, Detroit Lions and Texas Rangers!!! Amazing when you ponder it.

10. San Antonio is gonna skew my whole league, dammit. I needed a 32nd City to make it even out, because there were 31 cities with at least 2 sports teams and I chose San Antone because of the Spurs recent titles, (well and Jacksonville, Salt Lake City, Sacramento, Columbus and Portland don't exactly knock my socks off, sports-wise!) so don't read too much into the Alamo City's stats in this round.

Media Rant

You know what? Not ALL of the media is bad. It's just that the bad part is a redwood tree and the good part is half a toothpick...

When you got some sports stuck in your teeth and you need it out, it's better if you know where the toothpicks are!

WTMF Sports

Channel Manny Presents:

W.T.M.F. Sports with your host, Manny Stiles!

Brought to you by Jacked Up Petroleum Products

"If you can find lesser quality or more expensive petroleum products, you're a liar!"

Reporting on Monday, June 16th... Manny Stiles:

MS - "Didn't believe it 'til I tried it. You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd... but first, our top story today"

Damning proof that God isn't a dude, Jello ISN'T a sponsor...

Ever wonder?

Ever wonder if all the voices in your head are actually just one voice that is really, really good at ventriloquism?

The Adventures of ManRays

Today's "Ray of the Day" is...

The whole facking team

Why? Because they are on pace for (drumroll, please........)

94 Wins

Honorable Mention - Grant Balfour

After mopping up for Edwin Jackson against the Marlins, Grant "Strike Three" Balfour posted two innings of hitless relief allowing only one runner due to a walk and notching 4 K's. He won't get many mentions on the 'cookie except on days where the teams suffers a brutal loss, especially with Carl Crawford serving his suspension - so I tossed him a bone.

Tomorrow, the Rays face the Cubs - who by their very definition and physical location are required to SUCK - and should be a decent measuring stick for the young Rays as they slap the sCrUBS around Tropicana like the little innocuous bitches they are.

I will dare to say this though - judging from how all the signs are indicating the world is going to end soon, this might be a preview of the World Series!!!

Go Rays!


1 – Boomer Esiason
2 - Babe Ruth
3 - Toe Blake
4 - B.J. Upton
5 - Doc Rivers
6 - Cy Young
7 - Rusty Staub
8 - Arky Vaughan
9 - Bill Parcells
10 – Tiger Woods

A Picture is worth 1000 sleeveless jerseys

Ever wonder where sleeveless jerseys started? Blame THIS GUY... who despite his horrible contribution to baseball fashion, was quite a damned good player (when he was healthy, that is..). His fashion sense swung and missed more than his bat did!


Dr. Commento Answers the Questions

ATQ – Friday's 10 was athletes who "Dad"s according to the media but not to their kids.

False Prophet earns the honor getting his comment responded to from Friday's cookie: Maybe times have changed again, and I'm just out of date. You can never go wrong with senseless cartoon violence

FP, there is no such thing as "senseless" cartoon violence. Violence is the most important purpose of cartoons! But you were mostly correct in that you can never go wrong with it!

Strike a Prose

To a long lost friend

what would life be like

how many times have I wondered

if only one thing would change

what if you were here now

how many ways 'til tomorrow

how many tomorrows last a lifetime

how many lifetimes will be forgotten

how many regrets are remembered

who dreams of yesterday

who lives in tomorrow

who dies for the present

who holds onto now?

I cannot grasp the water of time

not even with a single groove

of my fingerprint

What's wrong with that anyway?

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