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Question: "What’s the Over/Under" on Pacman Jones F-ING Up Again?
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Lately all our ears have been bleeding more and more and will continue to do so until the damn NFL Draft, AKA Roger Goodell two day telethon, finally commences and Mel Kiper Jr. can finally return to his roots somewhere under ground for the next ten months. There’s only so many mock drafts one can take! When did they start becoming asshole-like? Now that’s not a cheap shot at Mel, because really the guy’s brain teases drive me wild…And honestly that’s what Mel does! He’s like an exact replica of a groundhog…Human version 7.0! Anyhow, Todd McShay on the other hand, well lets just say I wish MTV still had its Celebrity Death Match around so Mel could go to town on his punk ass! As one can put two & two together and (hopefully) come up with four, I like him as much as us guys like to get vasectomies done! Like everybody else they want to be a Kiper-Wannabe!
With the draft only ten days off, the questions surrounding the telethon make like California wildfires raging out of control…With everybody blowing smoke up everybody else’s hinnies. The closer we get, the hotter the flames are, (go figure, isn’t that how it usually works? Wow, I’m a genius). Although there’s been smoke for a better part of a month regarding this thing that will finally happen next weekend and really, if we think about, it’s the re-birth of Pacman Jones coming back to all the media outlets, particularly the ones with the call letters of ESPN. It’s practically how it was before Michael Vick took all the cameras and the heat that went with it off of him!
I can’t decide what’s worse…All the damn mock drafts, or "Pacman’s Nightly Updates"? What will Roger Goodell do? Will he reinstate Jones? Well, we all knew that was going to happen? What will the Tennessee Titans do with him? Will they try to dump his sorry ass? Gee, another surprise their! Will the Dallas Cowboys and Titans finally get a deal done? Now here’s where it becomes somewhat foggy. Get a deal done before the draft, if I was a betting man, (which I’m not…I’d rather do my best Pacman impression and throw my money away by showering all the pole huggers with my Ben’s) I’d think a deal is likely to get done. Now, get a deal done with the Cowboys? All the Titans want is for some sucker to come in and take their headache away and I’d say that’s their best shot to dump Jones’s sorry ass and pawn him off on his ass. Notice I said sucker there. J.J. has a resume filled with taking in "headaches"! Hmm, let’s see…We have Terrell Owens, "Tank" Johnson already in Big D and now Jerry Jones wants to bring in more trouble…Now if that’s not totally awesome, what the hell is? Boy, there’s a recipe for success if I ever saw one! Giving new meaning to the term, "Triple Threats"…Yeah, that would definitely apply! Good Job Double J and, well, if the shoes fit, well walk in them Jer!
Although I must point out that nobody’s asking the correct questions regarding the Pacman situation…The questions that are being thrown, well, we already know the answers to. He’s going to apply for reinstatement to the league, though he now plans to wait until he's traded before seeking commissioner Roger Goodell's OK to play pro football again…But Jones changed his tune and told Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin on ESPN 103.3 Dallas that he would await a trade first before seeking reinstatement. "I'm hoping it will be done this week, but that's just agent talk." Aw yes, only in America can a crack head not only have his own talk show, but be inducted into the Hall of Fame in August…Don King, where you at boy? Surprise he hasn’t tried coming to the aid of Pacman. One thought here about Jones talking to Irvin…Um, yeah, see, that might be a smart thing considering, well, considering the source! I’m sure though that Irvin would suggest he’s trying to help guide Pacman away from Inky, Blinky, and Pinky. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt Mike, and he can start chilling with you…There’s a novelty idea!
Man, with all this Pacman talk it’s making me want to get on the sticks like Donkey Kong! Okay, bad reference, but have to admit, it did fit! So getting back to the question that nobody seems to be asking is, "What’s the over/under on Pacman having his next brush with the law?" Because you know it’s going to happen! Come on people, can we get some insight on this…This is important shit here! Come on Kiper, where you at on this? We need to know how to bet in Loss Vegas! We all know it’s going to happen, the question is when. You may be able to take Pacman out of the strip club, but you’ll never take the strip club out of Pacman! And that’s a fact Jack, or Joe, or whatever the hell your name is reading this far down!
So with PB&J coming back to the league, (which is a formality) will Goodell go Myles Brand on his ass with that "Zero Tolerance" bullshit"? Honestly, I don’t see how he can, he may want to, but compared to Chris Henry, Jones is in Double AA ball and Goodell hasn’t done one thing to Henry. What will Roger demand from PJ. We already know he can’t live up to Goodell’s expectations of him staying away from strip clubs. I’ll have you know though, it’s not as easy as it sounds! I mean this isn’t easy it stay away from…(Well worth watching the first 2:57), Roll it!
[1]You feel me?
So we’ll see…We just know once a screw up, always a screw up! Pacman’s no different as he’ll follow suit! Again, it’s not a matter of if, but rather how long will it take? Step right up and place your bets here peeps!
