X Chromosomes - NOT a good Fantasy Football Team name
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by user Manny Stiles
If you read the Armchair once every 3 months or once every other 15 minutes, you PROBABLY have a fantasy football team, or two or seven... That also means you are most likely in 7 different leagues for the last 3-10 years.
Using really foggy math, each of you has encountered 23,874 different Fantasy Football Team names.
Why is X Chromosomes a BAD fantasy football team name? It doesn't strike fear in anyone since two X chromosomes are what makes a human female. If you are a female, good for you, go with X Chromosomes; it's smart, it's witty, no non-science-dork guy will understand the reference (Until possibly now, since I explained it).
Now, my wife IS a female and she actually has a fantasy football team in my Autodraft league called "the Pink Tacos". Witty, relevant, timely and subtle. Last year, we co-owned a franchise called "Muthafumbles" to which I honored that 3rd place team with this year's entry (Muthapuckers) into the Armchair Fantasy Hockey league (Could still use 2 more teams... JOIN NOW, PUNKS!!!).
Now I like to talk smack more than most people. Why? Maybe I'm strange, maybe I'm weird, maybe I am not even really real.... but I likes to keeps things interesting, and sometimes I change names to suit my opponents.
Past franchise names I've used include:
- Stiles Fusterclux
- Glorious Namechangers
- Wake me when UR good
- "Whoop" in the key of U (a musical reference)
- Bye Weak (whenever I face a weak opponent)
- Isn't Brett Favre dead?
- The Ian Beaters (when I faced my buddy, Ian)
- Insatiable Fog Duckers (which led to...)
- Those Fang Duckers (which led to...)
- FUnkey DOckers
- Fifth fifth down (maybe I drink too much)
- Grey Goose Killers (in memory of Maurice Clarett)
- Superfluous Nipples
- Furious PinkPounders (last week while facing "Pink & Harry")
- and countless others I am unable to recall at this moment
and manny more disgusting ones (referring to people's mothers, of course) that aren't suitable in any venue... or any of my infamous Fantasy Basketball teams like "Backdoor Penetration", "the Double Teamers" or the "Poop Chuters".
Another little trick I like to do in the Yahoo leagues is change my name to something 'slightly' different than the other people in the league (Yahoo doesn't let two teams have the EXACT same name); for instance... If your team name was say... "British Lions", I would change my name to "British Lions" (with TWO spaces), "British LionS" or "British Lioms" then go into comments and say something like "I suck, my team sucks, Stiles is my hero", then I'd change my name to slightly different than one of the other teams' names and post stuff like "Yeah Lions, you DO suck" and over and over again until everyone in the league "posted" something of my choosing! It's a classic psyche out tool! Then no one knows what the hell is going on and craziness ensues - that little trick is my gift to you smack talkers who wanna kick it up a notch.
It works OUTSTANDINGLY if you're ever in a public league. A guy in a basketball league I was in tried calling Yahoo to tell them I was controlling everyone's User IDs!!! It was freeking hilarious, he was SO bugged out! Just know that it will still show YOUR user name and Avatar/helmet in the info... No harm, no foul.
Now some of this nonsense sometimes leads to people taking offense. Last year, I talked smack on EVERYBODY in my league; in posts on the league site, in person, on my blog, even through mental telepathy and voodoo. Well, that led one guy threatening me with physical violence... the one guy from Oregon U with a short temper in the league who didn't know me or my Stiles-ish brand of humor (or know I am about twice his size)... which caused me to re-name my team the "Organ Ducks" (it's not what they are, it's what they do); those were good times!
So... You better Watch out for those "Stiles' Fusterclux", D21Dub!!! Trent Green will get healthy eventually...
What are the Best Fantasy Team names you've encountered?
Enter the names below in comments...
I know you got better names than mine...
Date
Tue 09/19/06, 4:28 pm EST
