World’s Sexiest Athlete
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Okay, Okay, yes this is another spiel praising bomb shell beauties in sports, so if you’re sick of reading about the lovely female gender I’ll just assume you’re gay and should be living upstairs from me with the two “Pickle Pirates”. Maybe these two Fruits can teach you some sports of a different variety? After all, besides sports & hotties what else is there really? For why else would there be women on the face of the earth? Imagine that, wouldn’t life be great to live, just man & sports. Anyhow, the time has come for me to give another big shout out to FHM Magazine (for those of you who never learned the concept behind acronyms, my condolences...it stands for, For Him Magazines. Do yourself and society a favor and go finish getting your GDE). For those of you who aren’t VIP enough to get a copy delivered downstairs on a monthly basis, it’s time to put the beer and the clicker down, get up off your dead ass and drive to your local 7-eleven to get an Amanda of your very own.
Amanda you ask...Yes, Gees...Amanda Beard. The same 14-yeard old who carried around a teddy bear at the 1996 Olympics in Altanta. Trust me, her cover will jump right off the rack at you. Now we all know nobody gives a rats ass about swimming in this country...For I don’t know if it’s even a sport. If I can do it, although not well, it probably shouldn’t be considered one. I’ll admit, that teddy bear that she carried with her might be the luckiest teddy on earth…Oh to be teddy, damn you teddy! I can’t really go into a lot of details on the contents one will find between pages 126-131, (that’s assuming you can bring yourself to get past the cover), for fear FHM might come after me. After all, I’m only a patron of the LastRow…What the hell are they going to get out of me? Besides they should be thanking me, I’m getting the word out about their August Issue and telling the world how hot swimmers are…For lets just say she’s all grown up not...Holy shit is she, giving a whole new meaning to the term “breaststoke”.
I’m still trying to figure out how in the hell did Carl Edwards land this hottie? What is it with hot women & race car drivers. Anyone of us has the “God given ability” to drive vehicles, so what the F&^%$# is up with this trend of Smokin hot women in the pits? Is it because of the Hazzard County accent these boys have? If it is, Bo & Luke Duke should bring the General Lee back. Sure, Uncle Jessie could be the Crew Chief…Oh wait, I just remembered, he’s resting in peace, or at least trying to. Wonder if Cooter could handle these duties? Boogity, Boogity, Boogity...There’s Jessica Simpson. Here’s a scary thought, there’s a lot more Jessica Simpson on the road then on the race track. So isn’t it more challenging to be an “everyday driver” rather than being a “Sunday driver”? We’re a lot worse off in the rush hour traffic.
So Carl Edwards & Amanda Beard…The perfect example of the odd couple. For what was the attraction here? She’s a swimmer, he’s a race car driver…Okay, so I guess you can say the both they can race in some aspect or another? He clearly doesn’t meet her “height requirements” of 6-foot-4. What, is this some kind a ride at Disney World? Minimum height requirement to ride this ride is 48 inches. Now that would be a ride I would like to take…Imagine how long the line would be for it. This is the perfect situation when you would rent a wheelchair to get to the front. Just too bad it probably wouldn’t last for more than two minutes, if that? Back of the line fellas, I had my wheelchair here first you bastards! Boogity, Boogity, Boogity!
So Amanda has just proven that she’s no different than all the rest of the hotties that we gawk over…She’s just has a little more gold to her name and money in her bank account. Because of her, I suddenly feel the need to drink a Red Bull & go to the gym…Aw shit, just remembered, I’m all out of Red Bull. Hopefully some Rockstar can do the trick? Maybe I’ll stop by the local 7-eleven to see if I could get my hands on any more copies. Seems as if mine is all worn out…I don’t know why? Did I mention it comes with a “Free Pull-Out Poster Inside!” Is there a better combination of words than Amanda Beard and Pull-Out? GOD BLESS THE USA! Who gets your vote as “World’s Sexiest Athlete”?
Source
- LastRowSports.com
Date
Sun 07/09/06, 4:39 pm EST
