Why We Didn't Go After Gagne
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by Fakegeorge
From the Secret Diary of Fake George Steinbrenner:
Boy, my e-mail in-box is overflowing after yesterday's trading deadline. (Btw, if you have a question, drop me a line at fake-george@hotmail.com.)
Everyone wants to know why we didn't go after Eric Gagne. A couple of people even said we should have done it just to prevent the Red Sox from getting him.
Ah, once again I prove how I know more than all of you combined. You see folks, it is possible to have too much talent in your bullpen. The Red Sox were already at that point before Gagne showed up. Now that he's there, watch out! They're going to completely collapse.
We, on the other hand, are showing how to get it done with almost no pitching talent whatsoever. I didn't want to screw with that formula, and believe me, adding a guy of Gagne's caliber would have really changed the chemistry. Guys like Farnsworth would have been out there constantly asking Gagne for an autograph.
No siree, we're going to win this thing with the bats. Cashman worked up a spreadsheet for us yesterday and as long as we can score an average of 16.3 runs per game we should be fine. I'm still not sure where we'll get the .3 from though.
By the way, how do you like that photo of our existing pitching staff? Those monkeys are always playing games!
