Why I Hate the Colts (and Why You Should, Too)
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by Bwell316
I overanalyzed my fair share of articles regarding the Colts/Patriots game, and the overlying theme in all of them was that the Colts were as good and pure as the driven snow, while the Patriots were a cross between Darth Vader and Satan. As a football fan, I feel as though my intelligence is being insulted every time I read an article like that. If after yesterday's game (which the Patriots survived 24-21),in which there were more yellow flags flown than a Colombian pride parade,you truly believe the Colts are all that is right with the sporting world, I would suggest getting an appointment immediately with your family doctor so that they can prescribe something for your delusions. The Colts are about as far from classy as you can get, and have possibly the worst after game sportsmanship of any team in the NFL.
Let's start off with yesterday's penalty discrepancy. I expect more penalties on the road team than the home team, simply because the referees would like to make it back to their rental cars without being peed on, which I can respect. However, yesterday's game was ridiculous. The Patriots were penalized 10 times for 146 yards, 4 of which gave Indy automatic first downs. The Colts meanwhile were cited for 4 penalties for 25 yards. I am still trying to figure out two of the calls, the first being a pass-interference penalty on Ellis Hobbs in which Reggie Wayne tackled Hobbs to the ground in the end zone, only to give Indy the ball inside the 5. That would be akin to arresting a convenience store clerk for breaking up an armed robbery when steals the robber's gun from him, and then charging the clerk with kidnapping for holding the robber there until the cops arrived. With the Patriots down 20-10 and driving for a touchdown, Randy Moss got called for offensive pass inteference for standing in the end zone. He did nothing else. NOTHING! Even Phil Simms, who given the right formula probably feels as though he could stop global warming, was speechless as he stated "Jim, I don't know what they saw there". By the way, I do find it convenient that the point spread of this game was anywhere from 4.5 to 6 points, and the final margin was EXACTLY 4 points. Apparently Tim Donaghy went into the witness relocation program as an NFL ref.
This is not the first game in which the Colts have benefitted from biased officiating (see 2006 playoffs vs the Steelers, every Patriots game since 2004, every Titans game since 2005). I always wondered why it never gets questioned, why no one brings it up, but I think I have the answer. Tony Dungy, who is the NFL's version of the Dali Lama, has successfully gotten convenient rules changes for his precious Colts every year since the end of the 2004-2005 season. Ever wonder why the game is almost less physical than touch football? Your answer is Tony Dungy. Ever wonder why teams just throw the ball deep in hopes of a penalty, and more often than not get a call? Again, Tony Dungy. Why you can't lay your hands on a quarterback ever? Ladies and gentlemen, TONY DUNGY! The man is as crooked as George W Bush. In case you are wondering Dungy is on the league's competition committee, which oversees rule changes and interpretations every off season. Does anyone else find it, I don't know, astounding perhaps, that defense is almost an afterthought now? That there are more potent offenses than ever? It's not because the offensive coaches are smarter, it's because the game is slanted towards offense. That's fine, I can understand the league never wanting a Super Bowl Champion like the 2000 Ravens ever again, but when competitive integrity starts to get compromised, that's when I question it. I do not think any ACTIVE coach should be on a committee that oversees rules changes. I don't think that receivers and quarterbacks should all be treated like fine china. I also believe that if you want to see all offense all the time, you should just watch the Arena Football League, but hey, that's just me.
Here's another reason to hate the Colts, Peyton Manning. His smarmy remarks about someone's cell phone yesterday (which went off during his post-game press conference),his lame excuse for his game clinching fumble yesterday,and the fact I have to see him on EVERY commercial break. He reminds me of that kid in the neighborhood who thinks he is better than everyone and when everything is going well, such as winning Super Bowls, he's a great guy who is funny and charming. When it isn't going well, he pisses, he moans, he blames everyone else for things, then he goes home and terrorizes his little brother.
This has given me inspiration for a drinking game, called "Praise The Colts". Every time Peyton Manning or Tony Dungy are complimented for their character and heart, take a drink. Every time an announcer mentions Tony Dungy's book, take 2 drinks. Everytime you see Peyton Manning angrily correct a wide receiver after an incomplete pass and the announcers praise him on his competitive fire, take 3 drinks. Every time an announcer talks about Dwight Freeney's pass rush ability, take 4 drinks. Every time they mention Bob Sanders talent against the run, take 5 drinks. When they mention how Freeney can't stop the run, how Sanders can't cover a book, how Manning looks like he is throwing a tantrum after every incompletion, and how Tony Dungy's defensive skills are overrated, drink a cup of coffee. Needless to say, you won't have to put your coffee maker on, and your liver will probably shut down by the second quarter. On the bright side, however, you won't have to see Peyton Manning's latest cell phone commercial.
