Who Sucks the Most? Jeter, Owens, Bonds, Redick, Kobe, Brady, A-Rod or Beckman
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by user Manny Stiles
We all know they're all over-rated and over-hyped and over-loved. There just doesn't seem to be enough discussion as to WHY they suck so much! We could point out the obvious; They all suck. But let's go into MORE depth here... so, let's crack open a case of "Haterade" and have at it!
Derek Jeter is the face of the Yankees and Avon. He never kicked a puppy on the field. He hangs with Jordan and broke up with Mariah Scarey. He has never won a World Series without Paul O'Neill's help. We credit Derek Jeter for his "clutchness" yet he has never produced well in a Game 6 or 7 in any postseason series. He's not the best shortstop in New York OR even in his own team! Yet we love him anyway. Plus his glove serves no particular purpose other than to distract us from his lack of an actual throwing arm. But WHY does he suck so much?
Terrell Owens completely sold out three franchises (working on a fourth), has a horse's ass for an agent and a mouth. He likes to dance, yap about loving him some him and works out whenever we are willing to have a camera ready. He has never been arrested for any real crimes, and is not very good at OD'ing. He signs autographs for his financial advisors. He's not such a bad guy if he writes children's books is he? Why does he suck so much?
Barry Bonds is a swell enough guy. He never raped anyone (that we know of). He's just like you and me - he HATES paying taxes. He has never failed a steroids test and he has never passed a pregnancy test. He is trying to surpass Hank Aaron on the all-time HR list. He makes for one mean looking Paula Abdul. Sure he's pissed off most of the time, but we should root for him to eradicate those old meaningless records we've had to carry around in our memory banks! Why does he suck so much?
J.J. Redick Redick is a nice guy. He went to a reputable and scandal-free Duke university. His little sister is well-liked throughout the ACC. People call him "JJ" even though his initials are J.C. He has no business in the NBA other than to allow people to blow by him and to collect guaranteed money from the Orlando Magic for three years. He writes poetry that pales in comparison to former Magic center John Amaechi. Why does he suck so much?
Kobe Bryant, well he didn't technically rape someone since the charges were dropped. He is as fake as fake gets when he imitates Allen Heckard. He called himself a Philly boy even though he grew up in Italy and went to high school in an affluent household in the suburbs. He socked Manu Ginobili in the eye and he's clearly VERY P-Whipped. So why does he suck so much?
Tom Brady is a lucky summanah. Drew Bledsoe got hurt and "Tom Terrific(ally lucky)" did his thing. He takes sloppy seconds from Leo so maybe that's why he sucks. He hasn't won a Super Bowl without Adam Vinatieri. He hasn't beaten the Colts in over three calendar years. Is THAT why he sucks so much?
Alex Rodriguez is handsome, paid handsomely and has a handsome resume to hand in to the Hall of Fame voters when he retires (even if he retired right now). He hasn't won an MVP award in OVER A YEAR! Sure he has the personality of a used tampon, but why does he suck so much?
David Beckman is new to the celebrity circuit. He is built like an imp, dresses like a colorblind fairy and talks like a elf that's a little too into Liberace. Apparently he likes to "bend it", but never breaks it. OK, he is somewhat of a bad-ass with that "fancy" tattoo work of his. But, no one ever heard of him until he married the almost-tolerable Spice Girl. Is that why he sucks? OH YEAH....
What do YOU think? Feel free to add your comments! (You know you want to...)
