Who’s Up For Some Birthday Cake....Toss?
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by user LastRow
Now there isn’t a person out there who hasn’t heard of the old cliche "You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat it Too." Although a cliche, is there anymore of a truthful one than this? And why is it that more times than not it’s referring to us guys in some way? Now I don’t know if you’ve heard of the new updated, real life version of this, but it seems to be taking Los Angeles by storm. In a police report, filled by Alexander Martinez he said he left his 30th birthday celebration at the Shore Restaurant and Lounge at about 1:45 a.m. Saturday with the uneaten 2-by-2-foot cake and walked north toward the Blue 32 nightclub, only then to have it cake napped by a cake napper.
Honestly, I don’t know what he was thinking...You don’t walk down the streets of Los Angeles at bar-closing time with a 2-by-2 foot, $190 cake in your arms! That’s just asking for trouble! The question police should be raising here is, not what did the cake napper look like, but what the hell are you doing walking down the street with an uneaten birthday cake after just leaving your 30th birthday party? You only turn 30 once my friend, why not indulge in some of that $190 cake...I mean, as you found out the hard way, you can’t take it with you...I know that was guy! Especially one that costs $190...Why if people get jacked up for their shoes and clothes, which cost a tad bit less than your cake, why not then jack you up for it? I guess you, Alex, were completely unaware of the street market for baked goods in Los Angeles...Watch out Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines and Mrs Fields, you could be next on the hit list.
Some might be reading this and thinking, how in the hell does this pertain to sports...And that’s a good question. Although Martinez is claiming that it was none other than the Los Angeles Lakers center Kwame Brown. So the "birthday cake saga" goes, in Martinez police report,Martinez told police he first came upon Lakers forward Ronny Turiaf, who he said agreed to pose for a photograph with him and the chocolate cake. But outside of Blue 32, the 6-foot-11, 270-pound Brown came along, grabbed the cake and threw it at Martinez, according to the report. Brown got into a white limousine and left, although he didn't suggest any reason for the cake toss. Of course he did just leave, What was Kwame to do since he had a wee hour of the morning date with Rachel Ray. I hear Rachel can toss a cake from her knees at least 20 yards...And since Kwame seems to be up for a career move into "cake tossing", who better to learn from than her? I’m sure the Lakers, along with the NBA, will be tickled pink to hear this.
After KB dipped out like a "cake tossing coward" ole birthday boy got another birthday surprise from Lamar Odom...Gee, another model citizen one would want to bump into in the early morning hours on the streets of Los Angeles. Trying to explain what happened to LO, Odom's bodyguard pushed Martinez into the street, yelling at him to get away from Odom. Honestly, did Odom’s bodyguard think Martinez could actually pose a threat? You tell me, but if a dude is wearing his $190 birthday cake instead of eating it, how big of a threat can that be? Although, do you really think LO gave a shit about why he was sporting cake with his Tommy Hilfiger gear...Chances are, probably not!
Detectives presented a possible "grand theft of a person" case to the city attorney's office, which decided not to prosecute....after they pissed their pants a couple of times by hearing this. Although, not going to prosecute, why not? Surely there can be some kind of punishment for this? I bet Judge Judy would be happy to hear this case in her court room. This case was surely made for television! Something must be done here...We just can’t have cake tossers and cake nappers walking our streets thinking they can get away with this! That’s just complete anarchy! I bet it’s because Kwame is an athlete, right...They get special treatment...Wait, is he really an athlete? That’s highly debatable! Perhaps somebody should ask David Stern what Brown should be punished to? Or even better yet, how about you out there who are reading this come up with something...Kwame needs some kind of punishment! Why this is the second time he has gotten off the hook...Remember that whole sexual assault thing last July? Perhaps enroll in his local high school home economics class?
Rule of thumb, one thing about baking is...Never, ever bake with bad ingredients! Something Kwame fits the mold perfect! Although let’s this be a lesson to all of us...If anybody gets a $190, 2-by-2 foot birthday cake DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT WALK THE STREETS WITH IT IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING! The CAKE NAPPERS or CAKE TOSSERS (whichever that rather be called) will be out in force...Particularly in the Los Angeles area!
