What makes a Fantasy Football Expert?
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by LastRow
Ever wonder that? Ever wonder what kind of sad lives these so called "experts" must have? Sitting in a cold, dark basement, crunching the numbers down to how short the blades of grass are. God, the must be a bitch to figure out when one’s dealing with field turf! How do rubber pebbles fit into the equations used by these "Fantasy Scientist"? Or if a running back wears a ¾ of an inch cleat in stead of 7/8 of a inch. If must be something like that…Something more involved than reading the same stat line everybody else read and then going with what the gut is telling you.
Are these guys experts because the list their credentials resume style?
Well, Jon won a league championship in the Bald Bull Fantasy Football League, and won the Playoff League in the ultra competitive and highly prestigious Anus Poker Fantasy Football League. He also finished 2nd in the Tim Donaghy League, while winning the Cheaters-R-Us Division in the Head to Head. His team made it to the Super Bowl, finishing a respectable 2nd in the league. In the Your Moma is Like a Doorknob League, Jon’s team made the playoffs, certainly a perennial event in that league. Definitely has expert written all over him, noe doesn't he? Lets look at Joe Cool now…
Joe won the NFL Picks League of the Go Ahead T.O. Scarf Down Them Pain Killers Fantasy Football League, and made the playoffs of the same league. In the My Dad Can Kick Your Dad’s Ass Fantasy Football League, he finished a respectable 4th place finish. He also won his division in the Head to Head, and finished a respectable 3rd. While his resume isn’t as polished as Jon Boys…He definitely in the stadium. Just maybe holding a clipboard or posing as the waterboy.
Then we come to Ray... His team scored the highest season point total and his team was the highest scoring team for the entire 2006 season in the Clinton Portis What’s Wrong with Dog Fighting League. He was the odds on favorite to win the league but as many great teams, the playoffs did his squad in. His team ended up with the league’s 3rd best record. In the Ron Mexico I Have Herpes League, his unit fared decently, scoring an impressive 207 points. While Ray might not be on the sidelines passing out water...One can see Mr. Cotton Candy man in the stands!
And to think, I thought fantasy football was mostly about luck? You put a lineup together based on stats, overall team performances of your players and their matchups for the given week, and the take an educated guess. You know, kind of like the whole concept which surrounds the NCAA Basketball Tourney thingy that goes on in March…Where we either pick team A or team B to win? Perhaps that’s why I’m not winning shit year in and year out! I’m not looking at the fine details of how high a particular player wears his socks, what kind of jock strap he wears…If it’s wind resistant or has drag to it. What kind of pre-game meals he likes to pack his gut with? Does he prefers wearing wrist bands or no wristbands…Or does he only sport them on special occasions? And if he does what are the special occasions? All of which can play an important role in the point outcomes on a given week!
Point is there’s nothing even remotely close to a "Fantasy Football Expert"! Hell, there’s not even such a thing that should bear the label of "expert" in the sporting world period! If you want experts, call Roto-Rooter…For they’re the plumbing experts! Don’t call Mr. Roto! All he’s a legend in his own mind just like all of these other "Fantasy Experts" who live in the fantasy world. I guess, it’s where the all belong having no sense of reality!
LastRowSports.com
