What if the Clippers won the Lottery...
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by user The Beast
If you have been buzzing around Southern California lately, I hope you picked up a copy of Thursday's Los Angeles Times. J.A. Adande had a very funny column discussing the optimism that now resides in Clipper Nation. You can read it here, but Adande basically said that these are the Clippers that we all know, missing the playoffs and going to the lottery. On the positive side, he noted that the Clippers now have 0.5% chance of winning the Lottery and landing Greg Oden or Kevin Durant compared to a 0.0% chance of beating the Dallas Mavericks.
This whole thing got me thinking. What if the Clippers did win the Lottery. Judging by their draft history of taking Danny Manning, Michael Olowakandi, Tyson Chandler, etc., here is what will happen if they do win the number one pick.
The Los Angeles Clippers select: Kevin Durant. The choice is applauded by most NBA draft experts, especially Greg Anthony. Most feel that Durant is the outside scoring presence that the Clippers could feature to compliment Elton Brand in the low post. However, two weeks later, Durant is diagnosed with Osteoporosis. This forces Durant to undergo treatment, and he misses most of the year. Durant is never been able to become the player that people expected him to be.
The Los Angeles Clippers select: Greg Oden. Unlike, the Durant pick, the Oden pick is more controversial. Dick Vitale loves the pick as he emphatically praises him, "He is going to be a star! A real PTPer, Baby!" On the other hand, Bill Walton mumbles and mumbles, but he eventually gets his point across. He feels that the Clippers already have their center of the future in Chris Kaman. Others such as Isiah Thomas agree with Walton. After playing his rookie season where he finishes on the All-Rookie team, investigators make an astounding discovery. After getting his shot blocked five times in one game by Oden, Kobe Bryant claims that Oden is too old to play professional basketball. Kobe feels that he is at least sixty. While it may simply be a joke an aspiring news reporter named Michael Vu believes Kobe’s rant and decides to lead an investigation. As it turns out they discover Greg Oden's birth certificate, and it is discovered that Oden is really fifty-five years. Age takes its toll during the next season and Oden decides to retire. He is seen throughout the next couple years as a tourist.
The Los Angeles Clippers select: Joakim Noah. The pick is heavily criticized as experts feel that there were better players than Noah and he didn't need to be a number one pick. Some felt that they could have trade down to take Noah. However, Noah proves skeptics wring as he has a spectacular rookie season, making the All-Star team, winning the dunk contest, and winning rookie of the year. Now everybody loves the Noah pick, as Elgin Baylor wins executive of the year. During the off-season, Noah contracts lice. Nobody is too upset as they see lice as a treatable illness. To treat it, doctors have a barber shave Noah’s head. A bald Noah goes through a sophomore slump where he gets injured and loses his starting spot. Some critics joke that his hair had given him strength like it did to Samson in the bible. However, doctors determine that this is not the case and he has actually contracted HIV virus. This occurred while his hair is being buzzed. The barber has blood on the tools and it mixes with Noah's cut on his head. Noah decides to retire from professional basketball for three years. He returns, but he never is that some player that he was as a rookie.
Also published at http://talkinglasports.blogspot.com/2007/04/what-if-clippers-won-lottery.html
