Week 15: What are the Odds?
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Well readers, what did we learn this week? We learned that Golden Boy valued his vacation in San Diego over writing this column. (We apologize to the four of you fully expecting to read pure gold last week). We learned that performances by Drew Brees, Marques Colston and Joseph Addai completely ruined Fatty’s week by knocking him out of the playoffs. We learned that Trent Edwards and Todd Collins kept their teams’ playoff hopes alive, while Vince Young and the Philadelphia O Coordinator likely ended theirs. With three weeks left in the season, games like Pittsburgh/Jacksonville and Buffalo/Cleveland will remind us why we love this league. Onto the games….
Week 15 (home teams capitalized)
' HOUSTON 0 Denver' Congratulations to Travis Henry, who found out last week that his appeal against NFL was granted; as it turns, the NFL does have a policy against smoking weed, but a player cannot be suspended if the NFL cannot prove your pee sample was not tampered with. Never have so many fantasy owners had so much invested in a pee test. In another big win for Henry and his owners, it has come to light that the NFL does not have a policy against fathering hundreds of children out of wedlock. Score one for groupies everywhere…. PICK: Denver (aka not Sage Rosenfels)
' NEW ENGLAND 23.5 NY Jets' GB : Funny thing about this spread...it could be doubled and I would still consider taking the Pats. If I am the Jets, I play a rush three, dime prevent all game on defense, and I run the ball every down on offense. At least this way, it will take the Pats longer to score and the clock will be constantly running. Fatty : I have a funny feeling that this game is going to be closer than people think. This Jets’ team beat the Steelers and almost took Cleveland to OT last week. I know the Patriots are better, if not perfect, but let’s not forget that Fat-gini’s Jets were the last team to beat New England in Foxboro. I just hope Patriots’ fans aren't disappointed if the Pats only put up 24 points and win. Remember Pats’ fans, we have bigger goals this year than revenge on Fat-gini, and those goals begin with a perfect regular season. GB : You mean the fans of the "greatest team in history" should be happy with a 24-17 win against the measly Jets??! I wonder if Fat-gini plays Chad this week for the sole purpose of trying to cover the spread. Fatty : When your team is three wins away from a perfect regular season, you cannot be disappointed with any win, no matter what the score is. Would I love to see the Pats put up +50 on them, absolutely… sweep the leg, NO MERCY! But I don’t think it’s happening, and I am ok with that. PICK: PATRIOTS 34-10
' CLEVELAND 5.5 Buffalo' Easily the best game of the week. Cleveland has the better record, but many would agree that Buffalo is playing better football right now. Here is one of our pet peeves; WE CANNOT STAND IT when announcers or analysts say “the Browns would be in the playoffs if the season ended today.” Great, whoopdy effing doo! Such a comment is ridiculous. The season doesn’t end today, as a matter of fact there are three weeks left, so let the teams play the games and then we will know WHO ACTUALLY DID MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. As for the game, if Buffalo could throw the ball at all, they would have a chance in this game. Unfortunately their quarterback options are still Blowsman and Edwards (and no not Braylon, Troy, or even Presidential hopeful John, but instead, some other bum). PICK: BROWNS
' ' TAMPA BAY 13.5 Atlanta On July 13, 2006, Petrino signed a 10-year, $25.5 million contract with Louisville to stay on as its head football coach. During the 2006 Louisville football season, Petrino talked with Auburn, LSU, and the Oakland Raiders before finally leaving the Cardinals in January 2007 to accept an offer from the Atlanta Falcons. During his first season with the Falcons, after a two game winning streak, Petrino inexplicitly made a change at quarterback and benched Harrington—the team has not won since. Petrino, who posted the word “finish” on the wall of his team’s meeting room, could not manage to finish the season as head coach, bolting for Arkansas the minute he was faced with some adversity. Sounds like the Falcons will be better off without Bobby. Look the team to band together and keep it close this week. PICK: Falcons to cover
' ' NEW ORLEANS 3.5 Arizona GB: I am going against Brees, Colston and Fitzgerald this week in the playoffs. What are the odds my opposing manager benches his other five starters and still beats me by 20? Fatty: Let’s just say that this game should be high scoring and leave it at that. But then again, who knows what Drew Brees and New Orleans Saints team you are going to get this week. They are more up and down then Heidi and Spencer’s relationship. I do think that the commitment to the run with Aaron Stecker will help this team, but I am far from a Saints' believer because their defense couldn’t stop an amputee from winning a marathon. GB: I appreciate your efforts in trying to make me feel better, but neither one of us should believe the words, "commitment to the run with Aaron Stecker." We are committed to writing this column every week (almost), but that doesnt mean we have readers. Fatty: We’d have readers… if they would just click on the damm link. Fantasy aside, neither team is consistent enough on defense to be a lock, but the Saints have found a rhythm on offense, and they are playing at home, and that's all the reasons I need (or can think of). PICK: SAINTS
' ' Tennessee 4 KANSAS CITY Bill Simmons reported in his podcast this week that KC's GM has hired a bodyguard to protect him while he travels in the Kansas City area. Are the threats or actions that caused him to make hire a bodyguard an overreaction by the Chiefs fans? Well, let me ask you this, if someone stole $1,500 dollars from you (price of season tickets and everything else that goes with going to games), and you saw that same person walking down the street, wouldn't you be tempted to take a run at him? We think it’s great. We treat sports as being bigger than life in America, so shouldn't fans get more upset when their season is wasted by a GM who trades the team's quarterback, rehires a miserable coach, and then acts like his poop doesn't stink on a preseason documentary about the team?!? Hell yeah fans should get upset, this is America where sports are more important than say the Presidential race. (We don’t condone the threats, just the passion). PICK: TITANS (and not Vince Young's Titans, because they are no longer very good, but more like Jeff Fisher’s Titans).
SAN DIEGO 10 Detroit The Lounge is dead, at least for this week. Lounge Leader Chucky has not been heard from since Detroit’s collapse last Sunday, but it is only fitting that we stand true to the homer theme of the Lounge. San Diego is hot of late winning seven of their last nine, wrapping up the league’s worst division in the process. On the other hand, our favorite felines can’t seem to get out of their own way, as they have lost five straight including last week’s heartbreaker. Yet still, Christ the Kitna and his disciples find themselves a game behind Minnesota in the race for the last playoff spot. (Here is where the Lounge Leader would say, “this is a must win, and the Lions are still for real.”) We expect the Lions to give maximum effort this week against a team with very little to play for. That effort, combined with Norv Turner’s intelligence and a little divine help for God’s team, should help the Lions cover the big spread. PICK: Lions to cover
' NY GIANTS 4.5 Washington' Fatty : When Jason “The Soup Man” Campbell went down last week, my buddy and I had a two minute conversation about who the Redskins’ backup quarterback was; Mark Brunell, Patrick Ramsey, and I think even Doug Williams’ name was mentioned. But then the “journeyman” himself appeared; Mr. Todd Collins from Walpole, Massachusetts, home of the Walpole Rebels. Early on, things didn’t look good for the former Rebel, but he finished strong and secured himself at a chance at the G-Men this week. Do you think the Skins have a chance, or do you think the Sean Taylor effect is going to be too strong? GB : With division games in the NFC East, everyone has a chance. The Taylor effect should be all but gone after Washington found a way to win last week. Giants have been miserable at home this year, but they have owned Washington of late. This will likely be a close game decided by one score, but I will still have to go with the Giants in this one. Giants' 4 losses were all to likely playoff teams, as they seem to beat the teams they are supposed to. While that won’t help them in January, they should take care of business this week. Fatty : Out of curiosity, have you picked against the Giants yet this year? I know you have been giving the Lounge a lot of heat lately, and rightfully so, because of his homer tactics, but I am having a hard time remembering the last time you picked the Giants not to cover. GB: The Lounge Leader is a delusional homer. I am an educated analyst who knows his stuff. Yes, I always pick the Giants, who are 8-5 against the spread this year. If you did the same, I wouldn’t have thrown my back out carrying you, the Lounge and this column PICK: GIANTS, as if you couldn’t guess
' Green Bay 9.5 ST. LOUIS' Remember when Brett Favre couldn't win dome games? Yeah, we don't either. Remember when Brock Berlin was an awful college quarterback who single handedly turned the University of Miami from National championship contenders to the "also ran" of college football? Yeah, that still applies, and we wouldn’t feel comfortable with him quarterbacking an intramural game let alone an NFL game against a solid Packers’ defense. That should make Rams’ fans and Holt owners want to slit their wrists. PICK: PACKERS ' ' Cincinnati 8 San Francisco Congratulations to San Francisco 49er fans, as the Niners are rumored to begin the Chris Weinke era very soon. As fans, you know your team has hit rock bottom when Trent Dilfer gets wheeled off the field, and you know your chances of winning have decreased substantially. As a side note, congratulations to all the fans out there who used their prayers to request a new announcer for the NFL network games; apparently Mr. Gumble will be a scratch this week. We are unsure of his replacement, but we have to say that we like our chances for what Beyonce calls an “UPGRADE.” PICK: BUNGLES
' DALLAS 10.5 Philadelphia GB:' I wonder if Donovan wishes he still had Owens to throw to. At least back then, he had one good knee and someone to throw the ball to. Now, Philly is better off directing snapping to Westbrook on EVERY play. Fatty: Every play that Philadelphia runs that is not for Brian Westbrook is a travesty. Similarly, every Thursday night that goes by when I don’t get to see a new episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is a lost night in my uneventful and sad life. GB: I am sorry "Night Man...keeper of the night," but you will have to wait a long time for new episodes. Similarly, you will have to wait a long time before Andy Reid realizes that the LDT of the NFC needs to be involved in 75% of the Eagles' offensive plays. They have to look at box scores right?!?! Every week Westbrook had over 150 total yards on 20 touches...that's like 7 yards a touch Andy! Fatty: Andy Reid can’t keep his kids off the rock, how do you expect for him to run an offense effectively. I have to say that I love what “Old Balls” Johnson is doing with the defense, and I think there is an outside chance that Philly keeps it close. But if we learned anything this year, it was… never bet against the Pillsbury Diaper Boy. PICK: COWBOYS
' ' MINNESOTA 10 Chicago All of a sudden, Minnesota is every analyst’s sleeper pick to make some noise in the NFC come playoff time. Four weeks ago, this team was 3-6 after being shutout by Green Bay. Yes, Minnesota is 7-2 when Ms. Jackson plays. Yes, they have a two headed rushing monster. Despite all of this, Minnesota just does not have the type of team that can cover double digit spreads. Chicago’s defense is still good enough to keep this game close, and though Orton is being thrown into the fire, he can’t be much worse than the Griese/Grossman tag team. PICK: Bears to cover. Baltimore 3.5 MIAMI Thank god this game is on the road for the Ravens, because it is going to take a long time for the workers in Baltimore to clear the field of the huge “poop” that the Ravens’ players left behind last Sunday night. Miami ended the Jon Beck era prematurely last week, as apparently he was not helping them win football games. Really? And this was surprising to you? He is a rookie QB, with a fourth string running back by his side, playing on possibly the worst team in league history, and you are shocked that you aren’t winning football games with him as your quarterback. At this point, don’t you think the development of your rookie QB is more important than maybe 1 or 2 wins this year?!? After having his confidence crushed this year, Beck will be vastly improved and ready to lead your team to the playoffs in 2008 (heavy heavy sarcasm). Still this week is as good as any for the Fins to find a win. P.S.- Baltimore Front Office, great decision to bring back Billick next year (even heavier sarcasm) PICK: Dolphins
' Seattle 7.5 CAROLINA' The ‘hawks are hot right now…winning six of their last seven. However, all six of those wins came against sub .500 NFC teams, and Tampa Bay is the only team with a winning record to lose to Seattle. What’s this all mean? Seattle is a decent team that will probably win its first round playoff game, but that’s where this team maxes out. One can only hope Matt Hasselback gets to head back to Lambeau for a playoff game where he will have one of his patented guarantees taken to the house. Luckily for him this week, Carolina is one of those sub .500 teams. PICK: Seattle
Indianapolis 10.5 OAKLAND Dear Peyton, You and I have been through a lot in the last year and a half. I traded two top 20 players after the 2005 season to get you on my keeper fantasy team. I gave you the captain’s jersey to begin the 2006 season and relied on you to be my team’s leader. During our championship run last year, when I needed you the most, you threw up 33 points in a tightly contested semifinal matchup. A week later, we each held one end of our championship trophy. This year, on a team filled with tons of inconsistencies (Smith, Rudi Johnson, Andre Johnson, Gates, Ahman Green), you have been the one consistent player for me week after week. You even managed to put up 18 points in your 6INT performance. Now, we find ourselves back in the semifinals, trying to defend our crown. It is time for you to carry me once again, and lead this team to another championship. Love, Golden Boy PICK: Indianapolis
Well readers, happy betting. Nothing says Happy Holidays like nailing a six team teaser.
- Fatty and The Golden Boy at Flea Fanatics
