Want My ESPYs LIVE, DAMN IT!
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by user LastRow
On man, here we are just over 72 hours away from watching the ESPY’s on Sunday night. Showbiz has their Oscars, Golden Globes, and whatever the hell else they have? Music has the Grammys, and us who live and die with every aspect of sport have our ESPY’s. Thank You ESPN for making this annual thing grow by leaps and bounds every year. This shit is huge from when it first started…The night that we won’t ever forget as Jimmy V gave us those inspiring words to live by, “Don’t Give Up…Don’t Ever Give Up.” Giving the growth over the years, why is this damn thing on F&%*%^ TAPE DELAY?!
If that isn’t bad enough ESPN doesn’t hide the fact that they are. No, it’s more along the lines of that little snot nose kid we always wanted to beat his ass because he had something that we wanted mentality. It’s like ESPN is telling us, yeah the “real” award show was last night, but for those people who didn’t see it live…Well, I guess you peeps aren’t VIP enough. Well how do you like that, ESPN is no different than anything else in the sports world…For they too work with the mind set that a stripper usually has. Sure, they want us to vote for their dumb awards, but doesn’t have the common courtesy to broadcast the show live. ESPN said a record 12.1 million votes were tabulated, with fans voting online to decide the winners for the third consecutive year…Thanks for nothing, right. At least with a stripper before she takes your money & makes you believe she’s in to you, you get a little more bang for your buck, depending on how much you want to spend on her. Bambi’s right there in front of you, working hard for her money…Not on some tape delayed bull shit. I feel so used & dirty. What’s next, are we going to find out Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, & the Tooth Fairy don’t exists? Well then who the hell answers all our letters & knows our phone numbers in order to call us?
Good news everybody, word has just reached the LastRow and turns out “The Best Moment Award” went to Jason McElwain, the autistic manager of his upstate New York high school's basketball team, who scored 20 points in barely four minutes as a substitute. J-Mac did indeed beat out Kobe Bryant’s 81-point performance…How do I know this…Could it be some inside information, or just ESPN’s way of showing their arrogance. Not only do we get to hear about who won what and in what category, but we also get to hear about the jokes that were said too. Let’s not get into too much details here now. Actor-presenter Mark Wahlberg took a jab at Roethlisberger's accident, warning Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade not to ride a motorcycle this offseason. Wade smiled sheepishly in the audience. For the love of God would you guys stop…I don’t know what’s worse? Finding out all that happens at the ESPY’s 72 hours before us peons have a chance to watch this bogusness now, or find out Michelle Wie will attempt to make the cut in the John Deere Classic? So I guess we can expect to see a lot of Lance Armstrong, Albert Pujois, Shaun Alexender, "The Flying Tomato”, the Pittsburgh Steelers & Ben Rosjbjggvhygvygf, Tiger Woods, walk on stage to accept some kind of award. However, unlike ESPN has done, I’m not going to let the cat out of the bag on the exact title of their ESPY’s…Now that would just be totally wrong for me to do! Although it’s good to hear the Big Ben RosIJGBJHLUHH was there & on stage…This all after Mr. “SummerTeeth” tried his best impersonation of Evil Knievel. I know this is no laughing matter considering he was minutes from dying, but hey he brought it on himself. For somebody who wear a helmet for a living to say “I literally forgot to put one on that day,” deserves all the jabs that are throw at him.
Although, do expect a Mariah Carey sighting on Sunday night…I’ll be waiting for that. Well, that is if I even watch this shit now. You know, that prick you hate when he tells you what happened in that movie you just rented from Blockbuster, yeah that prick...I’m not sure if this would fall into that category or not. ESPN might’ve outdone themselves by passing the category altogether & starting a whole new on their own, but then again they are the “Worldwide Leaders”. For the love of God, the VMA’s (Video Music Awards for those who don’t understand acronyms) aren’t even TAPED DELAYED! Who would’ve of thought it would be better watching little “popcorn awards” be handed out
Well, there goes my Sunday Night….I guess I’ll watch the Red Carpet Pre-Game Show, not unless I find out what happens on that too. Then guess I’ll just make it a Blockbuster night…I’m into watching shit unfold before my very eyes. Maybe I’ll even invite Bambi over for a private viewing…After all she likes me more than ESPN does! She can comfort me if some very bad person tries to tell me out Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, & the Tooth Fairy don’t exists as only she can.
Date
Thu 07/13/06, 7:49 pm EST
