Two Fantasies and One Nightmare

by user LastRow

Yes, it’s another Monday again and we all know what that means…It’s time for another weekly installment of Tony Kornheiser’s Monday Night fantasy team. What must it be like traveling around the country trying his best to imitate John Madden & his cruiser, as he studies up for his weekly exam…Knowing absolutely nothing about football. I think my grandfather may know more and he lives in a nursing home with various issues. Is it too soon, (or do I mean too late) to bring Dennis Miller back? Or how about Mr. Roto…That guy is a fantasy genius!

Although seeing how it is Monday and fantasy talk is inevitable, so why the hell not talk about it? If TK can, (and he gets paid for it) so why can’t I? Remember back in late July, up until the first week of September for some, (those would be the ones that bitch about their players might get hurt in the preseason…So lets hold our draft the day before the Steelers-Dolphins game). The question going into everyone’s draft was, “If I was one of the lucky bastards to get one of the top two picks in the draft, who would be the one to select?” See now, I don’t know about you, but I wanted to be the one sitting at number three where all the hard work & decision making was already done for me…It’s less stressful, doesn’t cause nightmares. Well, that is unless people out there took Shaun Alexander with their overall first pick in their fantasy drafts…But I’ll have you know, my decision was already made for me! Now, if I can just somehow find a way to get passed all these nightmares that keep reoccurring for me…For some odd reason, for the last couple weeks, I’ve dreamt John Madden is holding my team hostage! He has taken Shaun Alexander on his Madden Cruiser, take his picture, slapped it on the cover of his video game, and won’t release Shaun back to the Seahawks or more importantly the Pickle Pirates.

Rumors have it Alexander is coming back this week against the Raiders, or the week after, or the week after that, or the month after that…The Seahawks will welcome him back with open arms. However, the Pickle Pirates have found more than adequate replacements to fill the void. And now with Seneca Wallace taking the snaps instead of Matt Hasselback, sure the return of the waning MVP will help, however before Shaun hopped aboard the Madden Cruiser his numbers were un-Alexander like….

RUSHING YARDS G = 3 Att = 65 Yds = 187 Avg = 2.9 Lg = 14 TD = 2

RECEIVING YARDS G = 3 Rec = 5 Yds = 22 Avg = 4.4 Lg = 9 TD = 0

Now we all wondered how Steve Hutchinson’s flying the coup, (no pun intended) would affect Shaun’s abilities to run as he did last year. Although it was said that the same type of scenario in Kansas City would have a greater impact on Larry Johnson than Shaun, it’s safe to say this assessment was way off base…I bet Tony Kornheiser was the one who made this assessment!

Meanwhile, those other two backs in the three headed- monster debate…Some might’ve heard of them, they go by the initials LT & LJ…It’s halfway into the season and still the best way to decide this one is to flip a coin. And yes, even if that means you’re in Detroit on Thanksgiving and the referee can’t hear what was called…Isn’t that right, Jerome? Since in this case, it doesn’t really matter, unlike the turkey day up in Detroit!

While Larry Johnson came out of the gates slow, he’s slowly regaining the sick running form that he graced the gridiron with last year…Trying his best to stabilize the Chiefs offense and doing his best bobblehead down impression a few weeks back in Arizona, thanks to Antrel Rolle. The question was how would he fare with some new pieces in that O-Line…I’d say not too shabby just by looking at his stats…A very good fantasy to have!

RUSHING YARDS G = 7 Att = 172 Yds = 644 Avg = 3.7 Lg = 38 TD = 8

RECEIVING YARDS G = 7 Rec = 27 Yds = 329 Avg = 12. Lg = 78 TD = 2

A year ago the question was who’s a better back, LaDainian Tomlinson or Shaun Alexander? Well this season Johnson has replaced Alexander in that aspect…Although it’s just another status quo season for the former Horned Frog. Is there really a better back in the league than the LT, who’s copyrighting those initials on the west coast. The question that was coming into this season was how would he do with Phillip Rivers behind center instead of Drew Brees? One question…How stupid were we to think this…The Chargers could bring back Ryan Leaf & LT’s production would be the same. Okay, maybe not Leaf, but Dan Fouts could certainly come out of retirement. Sick doesn’t even begin to describe this…I wish all my fantasies could be this good!

RUSHING YARDS G = 7 Att = 150 Yds = 656 Avg = 4.4 Lg = 58 TD = 9

RECEIVING YARDS G = 7 Rec = 35 Yds = 303 Avg = 8.7 Lg = 37 TD = 2 Not to mention one touchdown pass on the year.

So halfway through the season how does your fantasy look? Is it what you had hoped for…Has it been as advertised? Has it exceeded your expectations…Better than you could’ve ever possibly imagined? Well at least somebody gets this lucky & feels good? Why is it mine always turn into nightmares? Story of my life!

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