Troy Smith Scores Big at SCORES

by user LastRow

Maybe it's all those tiring banquets, photo ops and interviews. Maybe it's the extra pressure that comes with being a Heisman Trophy winner. Or maybe the so-called Heisman jinx doesn't even exist. Nevertheless, Troy Smith will forever be remembered as the 2006 winner of this honor…Whatever that means? To me, the Heisman Trophy is more like a dubious distinction rather than an accolade, but to each their own. Although having said that, I would love to have one so I could use it as a glorified paperweight or better yet, I could run it through a metal detector as one of my carryon items….I just hope it doesn’t lose a finger or two!

Once Troy Smith officially picked up his hardware a few weeks ago, it was a night of celebration for him and his peeps…From where he came from, to where he was on that particular Saturday night, and what better place to celebrate something as this than in New York! In winning the Heisman, Troy showed his best moves on the field…However, in celebrating as the winner, he showed his best moves off the field, celebrating it by taking a road trip down to the famed New York strip club, SCORES. Boys will be boys, right! I’m sure everybody who has ever won the Heisman has had this same thought, right. A night where all your family, friends, coach(es) are in New York to support you winning the Heisman…I bet all wanted to say something in their acceptance speech about where the after party is going to take place. Good to see this award ceremony is only part of the “pre-game festivities”.

Nothing against Troy, but I would’ve done the exact same thing! Better use this award while you can, because in a couple months that paperweight will become just that…Although it will be a “glorified paperweight”! I’m just wondering,…Uh, just how the hell can a stripper tell this while giving lap dances to old Motley Crue tunes? Give me some of that Dr.Feelgood baby! On a night that ESPN documented your childhood growing up in the projects outside Cleveland…Where EXACTLY does a poor college kid get the cash to tip strippers at Scores? What, the “Heisman Alliance” has a running tab there? Is that where the after hours induction ceremony is held? Must have sold your textbooks early, huh Troy… Because according to the "dancers," you’re a very generous tipper. Aren’t all men? Well, except for Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods of course! Perhaps Coach Jim Tressel gave Troy his “Bowl Game Allowance” a little earlier than expected, huh? We know Big Jim likes to cut corners when dealing with those “polls” or is it “poles”?

Strippers, you gotta love them…Showing you a good time, giving you some loving, making you feel like you’re the only man in her life for three minutes, until the song’s over. Until you watch her parade over to the bar and start grinding on somebody else just like she was doing to you just 15 seconds ago…You just got to love that! The worst part is when a small talk conversation precedes all this…Am I right? I came here to get dances from naked women, not to shoot the breeze. For some reason though, they love to do that….Perhaps it’s in their job description? If that’s the case, get a load of this line that came out of Scores “Dancer” Girl Kendall regarding Troy Smith…."He will be a great pro…He's got it. He's a natural leader. I can tell." Don’t we all hear this at some point of the night when we visit our local gentlemen’s establishment? I know I have…And what’d you know, I’m not even in the Heisman Fraternity. That 350-pound fat ass sitting across the bar from me, yeah, he has “it” to. The guy that just walked in with one leg, yep, he sure has “it” too!

Okay, now that “it” she’s referring to, I don’t think I want to know about…Nor should we! Same goes for how Ms. Kendall “can tell”! Though I find it very amusing that someone who hugs pole for a living has the ability to put her NFL General Manager’s cap on as Bon Jovi’s “Shoot Through the Heart” is blaring in the background! Did she invite you and your family back to the champagne room? Is this where is discovered you had “it”…Whatever that means? Is there anything better than a champagne room occupied with a Heisman Trophy winner, an individual that refers to herself as Kendall, along with Troy’s mother & sister? Great way to celebrate getting your new paperweight!

Isn’t it clear that Ms. Kendall is definitely in the wrong business! Can you imagine if she was the GM for the Houston Texans last year…Perhaps Reggie Bush or Vince Young would be a Texan! Clearly she’s more than collecting a six figure salary that she most likely earns in $1’s…Why she’s shown the ability to earn a salary in $5’s or maybe even $10’s. Let me guess, while you were in the champagne room with Kendall, the two of you were going over game film of the Florida Gators, too. I mean it would’ve been such a waste not to watch some since this “stage prancer” seems to know so much more than just your average sports fan, right? Quite possibly getting her mojo runing in the process if you know what I mean? Looks like you Troy are preparing quite well for the National Championship game! I wonder if Chris Leak got this same treatment when he was in New York recently?

Instead of having a combine this year, instead of picking, sticking, and probing all these potential draftees…Instead of worrying about how many reps of 225 a guy can put up, just take them to Scores in New York! There they can be evaluated by Kendall and her staff of “qualified dancers” which include the likes of Candy, Muffy, Cinnamon, Sky, Diamond, Thumper, Bambi, and so on and so forth! I think this is a great idea, considering everything leading up to the draft is so overrated anyway! Shit, why stop there? Seeing as since “Scores Girl Kendall” has such good draft sense …Perhaps she can lend a helping hand to Mel Kiper? Easy on the hands there Mel! It’s not a for sure thing until Kendall “The Stripper” says it is…Mel you can’t afford to pass this great opportunity up to collaborate with her up! Your annual “Draft Bible” would be an unfinished one if you did!

Although Mel, I must warn you….Besides being one of the finest pole huggers that New York has ever seen, word is out on this bombshell of knowing talent when she sees it! LastRowSports.com has just learned since Kendall is one of New York’s very own, the New York Knicks have recognized this and feel that she can evaluate talent better than Knicks coach/gm Isiah Thomas. Preliminary talks are underway for her to succeed Thomas next year both on the bench and in the front office. Word has it, talks have stalled between the two parties as Kendall insists on bringing her Scores personnel over…That would be, Candy, Muffy, Cinnamon, Sky, Diamond, Thumper, Bambi. In a related story, early reports out of Alabama have Scores Girl Kendall agreeing to fill the coaching vacancy at Alabama since she has the ability to point out “natural leaders” Perfect fit…Makes sense, doesn’t it? Who wants Nick Saban, anyway. Although we can’t confirm this at the present time. So as one can see, this Kendall is one hot commodity…Better get your hands on her quick, (no pun intended)! Detroit Lions, where you at on this one?

So now that all of us understands that “Kendall” is quite more than she appears to be, I mean I don’t know why we would ever get that impression? It’s now time for me to close down the turnstiles, (no, not you Manny) for a little while to all those who pass through pass through on up to the LastRow at their own risk. Not because I want to, it’s because this thing that is coming up in a few days…Perhaps you all have heard of it? It’s called Christmas! Yes indeed, it’s time to get off my perch up top here, rent an oxygen tank to get down and hit the highways for a journey to Ma & Pa Fricker’s house we go! Woo Hoo!! Rudolph is all gassed up raring to go! So allow me to take this opportunity to say to whoever is reading this piece, whatever your beliefs are I hope you thoroughly enjoy yourself in whatever you do! To the readers out there, I know there’s not a lot, but you know who you are…Have safe and Happy Holidays!! I don’t know how long the LastRow we be closed, but rest assured everybody will know when the turnstiles will be opened once again!! ENJOY…I’M OUT!!

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