Top Ten Pretend Athlete Endorsements
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by user Ufgators
After hearing the news that Derek Jeter has a new cologne out, it got me thinking about athlete endorsements. I pose the question: What are the best products that athletes endorse? Since there aren’t really any good products, I decided to come up with the Top Ten Pretend Athlete Endorsements.
Ricky Williams - Marijuana
We all know how Ricky Williams has an affinity for smoking marijuana. Why not honor the lunatic runningback by giving him an endorsement deal? We all know Michael Vick would support him.
Michael Vick - MySpace
Vick had his picture taken with his date, who then proceeded to put the picture on her MySpace page! Maybe he could be a spokesperson and tell men everywhere to make sure that their date doesn't have a myspace page that could potentially damage their reputation?
Mark Prior - Health and Wellness Magazine
How many times has Mark Prior been on the DL? A thousand times, at least! Maybe Prior can give tips on coping with numerous injuries, and how you should never, ever be a pitcher and be coached by Dusty Baker.
Chris Berman - Dating Tips For Men
You're With Me Leather!! Either Chris Berman is Don Juan with the lay-days or he has a power over leather pants. From what I hear, if you say "BACK BACK BACK...GONE!" it drives the lay-days crazy!! I was going to come up with a funny nickname, but Chris Berman beat me to it.
Harold Reynolds - Tips on Affection
Yessir, Harold Reynolds knows how to get intimate. In fact, Mr.Reynolds gives such great hugs, that it got him FIRED from his last job! Can you imagine that? Getting fired for giving a hug. I can see getting fired for a bear hug, but...I digress.
John Rocker - I Love New York Shirts
When I think New York, I think John Rocker. Oh yes, this man has so much spirit that he set off the whole nation! Maybe he can pass them out to people in Times Square, and on subways...
David Wells - Alcohol Anonymous
In his 2003 autobiography Perfect I'm Not: Boomer on Beer, Brawls, Backaches and Baseball "Boomer" confessed that he pitched a no-no with the Yankees while hung-over. I can picture it now: "Hi, my name is David and I have many, many problems."
Allen Iverson - Practice Makes Perfect!
We're talking about practice. Not a game, not a game, not a--not a ga--not a game, we're talking about practice. I mean C'mon man, we talking 'bout practice!
Stephen Aloyicious Smith - CHEESE DOODLES
I DONT KNOW IF YOU GUYS KNOW THIS OR NOT, BUT HE USED TO WORK AT A LIBRARY, AND THEY HAD THE NERVE TO FIRE HIM! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? QUITE FRANKLY, A LIBRARY AIN'T A LIBRARY WITHOUT STEPHEN A.
Isiah Thomas - "How To Succeed In The Business World"
This should do it for ya. Thomas has an insatiable appetite for failure; he can't get enough of it. Anything he touches turns...well, to a disaster, yet you know people will buy the book. I personally reccommend chapter 13: "Don't Worry! Take in as many me-first players as possible!"
There you have it. I hope you have enjoyed the list of pretend athlete endorsements as much as I have. You guys make me sick; you'll gobble up anything an athlete puts his/her name on. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some Flutie Flakes.
- Sources: Wikipedia, CBS Sportsline, ESPN, Google Images
Date
Fri 08/04/06, 6:13 pm EST
