Throwing “My Fifth Annual Birthday Party”…Come Join Me!
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by user LastRow
I would like to take this opportunity to formally invite everybody, who decides to read this piece to my upcoming birthday party! It’s a way of showing everybody out there who support my Sports ScuttleButt and show me love on a daily basis. Don’t worry, this little birthday bash of mine will be taking place on Friday, so there’s no need to worry about how many Bloody Marys it will take to get you to work the next morning…I mean really, who plans a birthday bash in the middle of the week anyway? I guess the ones who only think about themselves?
I can’t give many details about this though…For my biggest fear is all those damn party crashers might come out of the woodwork. Although the information I can say is the guest list already includes all sorts of Hollywood types that will be showing up. The likes of Betty Buttaface & her best friend Muffy Smorgasboard…Two beauties if you haven’t seen them for yourself! Miss Piggy said she wouldn’t miss it…I told her we could do without Kermit showing his green ugly mug though! Smurfette said mark her down…And get this, she personally called blowing up my Razor just to say she wouldn’t be attending it with Papa! I wonder what that means? Minnie Mouse…I mean the eye candy list just keeps on getting better and better with each passing day! I’m still trying to find out if Bill Parcells will be making a cameo appearance. I hope he shows, then maybe he can give "The Championship Speech” again. You know, the same one he gave on Monday, a day after a pivotal win in New York! Remember?
Honestly, it’s so difficult for me to sit here and concentrate talking about it, because my mind is “already in L.A.” Shit, did I just say that out loud! Okay, so the party is going to be held in L.A., but not at one of those fancy mansions, or at an ever popular night club…No, No! I figured why not do it up right. What’s a better way of throwing a birthday bash than in a double-wide trailer? Now, I’m here to tell anybody who’s reading this and thinking of attending, there’s no need to give me a diamond-crammed watch worth nearly $50,000. Six carats is just too much bling and it’s also bad for the eyes anyway… “I don't want to blind anyone." Besides, I’ve been having a real bad tendency of dropping things this year! That wouldn’t be something I would want to drop! A nice Fossil or even a watch located at the Salvation Army store would be greatly appreciated! “By far, that could be the best gift I've ever would receive!"
In addition to the wonderful Salvation Army gifts I would like, it would also be a great birthday if somebody could be so kind and get me a mouth piece…Not just any old month piece though. One that resembles the size of a horseshoe that one may find on a Clydesdale! I think that should fit? Or how about a reunion of sorts with my best friend in the whole world, the one, the only Donavon McNabb! I sent him a text message telling him all about this…I haven’t heard back from him! Gee, I hope he got it!
I just hope I can stay awake long enough to enjoy this big shindig I have planned for myself. I have been diagnosed with some kind of rare sleeping disorder! Quite simply it’s referred to as, “When I’m bored, I fall asleep!” Gee, I hope that doesn’t happen at my party, but who knows? If it does, just somebody please wake me up…For I wouldn’t be a good host if I did that. Although I must say that in the past, throwing this birthday bash for myself, well, "Just from some of the feedback from my friends and some of the guys who went to the parties in the past, they definitely told me they enjoyed themselves!" I’ll have you know this is my “Fifth Annual Birthday Party” I’ve thrown for myself!
Now I know what you’re thinking…”What kind of lame ass throws himself his own birthday party?” “Aren’t friends supposed to do that?” Yeah, they are, but see I have no friends…Only enemies! Wait, I do have one friend. His name is Little T…And you bet your ass he’ll be there! You know he’s an author…Why before I planned this latest party, I picked up a copy of his party-planning book entitled, “Little T’s Party Planning in Order to Make Friends”! An easy read I might add! It’s on my level!
Hope to see you all there for this blowout! No reason to RSVP…My publicist has 25 million things going on right now! So as you can imagine, she’s a little distraught and may tend to easily get confused! That would be another fantastic birthday gift! If somebody knows where I can find another topnotch one like her…I’m worried about her! Sometimes she not all there!
Looking forward to seeing all you crazy cats in the double-wide trailer on Friday…Things will get going around 10 p.m., (that’s local time). Just rememember…WHAT’S GOES ON IN THE DOUBLEWIDE TRALER IN LOS ANGELES STAYS IN THE DOUBLEWIDE TRALER IN LOS ANGELES! I’m out…Gotta go catch my private flight!
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