The Who’s Now Grand Finale Sunday...Can I Get an Amen!
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by LastRow
Can we all feel the excitement? I know I’m busting and spraying bodily fluids all over the place…Gosh, is it Sunday yet? Perhaps it has something to do with my first fantasy football draft commencing on August 5? Although, just a question…Who in the hell has a draft before the preseason kickoffs? Am I the only one dumbfounded by that? And the answer to that question, is…Armchair! Nevertheless, experiencing what it’s like to live in Mel Kiper’s world is always a fantasy come true…My tighty whiteys always manages to get soaked! For me, well, it’s like my ESPY…Playing out live, right in front of me on my 17 inch CRT, (no, I have upgraded to a flat panel monitor…I’m kicking it old sckool, JACK!)
Speaking of saturated Fruit of the Looms, (I stick with the men of fruit) the question is what will flood them out more…The draft or the grand finale of "Who’s Now" on Sunday? Yes, the climax has come for a champion to be born, but more importantly the time has come to pull the plug on this idea that was clearly created in the marketing rooms at Bristol with the likes of both Michael Jordan & Isiah Thomas present in an effort to artificially manufacture news. Yes, it’s time to put this baby to bed…For good, I might add! Lets not make this an annual thing…Hopefully ESPN recognizes this failed miserably! Worse than a triple play combination of Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears!
SportsCenter has developed into nothing more than glorified Entertainment Tonight or The Insider…At least they have Pat O’Brain, who’s not afraid to indulge in a little tailgating before hitting the air waves. Before SportsCenter starts we know what they will hype/sell/fawn over. Think about it…Everybody can rattle at least five topics off the top of your head that will be on the 6:00 EST installment. The Yankees, Red Sox, Michael Vick, Brady Quinn, Barry Bonds. It is as if the show on which we all grew up watching the previous day's sports highlights has become some abomination, and only the imprints that it left on us while it was still pure and we were still young. For some reason ESPN thinks it's OK to make its own news, ranking it in the same league as the fear mongering local FOX affiliate(s) that tried to convince me last week that there was an EPIDEMIC of some disease that made BUGS CRAWL FROM MY SKIN, but what's more disturbing is that ESPN has done this for quite some time now.
Sure, July is usually a slow month for sports news. So why not just invent news, right? Um yeah…And those tabloids at the checkout counter, you know the ones who have that same triple play combo of Lohan to Hilton to Spears splattered all across them. Yeah, those! That’s how they make their living…By creating dumb shit like you did with "Who’s Now!" So, you’re in the same boat as them now! As if this thing couldn’t get any worse, they’ve outdone themselves yet again by deciding to withhold the unveiling of this dubious distinction until Sunday…My guess is so that we can be blown away on how many dumbasses indeed voted for this idoctic thing. I can just hear it now…"With a whopping 1,000,000 votes….". Can you feel the anticipation? Drum roll please!
The sports highlight show that we all fell in love with as a child…Yeah, well, you're now a peroxide-blonde, fake-breasted, Botoxed-faced, collagen-enhanced, anal-bleached shadow of your former self. Which brings me to this…If this month long epic catastrophe wasn’t enough of how comical this really was by itself, I know it just could’ve been me, but ever notice when the three-headed blockhead monster AKA the panel along with mister one-eye wonder Stuart Scott, always had the same damn clothes on throughout the course of the week? Okay, so it goes without saying that Scott couldn’t see to notice it, but yeah, how fake-breasted is this? I guess we went supposed to notice that, huh? Damn it…It was supposed to only be about that brackets I tell you! Well, it's only a matter of time now before ESPN opts for text messaging votes and "expert" analysis to decide who won the Super Bowl too!
Like we didn’t know that Tiger Woods was going to be in the Fake-N-Bake Finals…Although, having LeBron James beating out Shaq, well it just keeps with the theme of this simulated news story! What I do know is this "who's more now" segment is like watching a couple of fourth graders argue over whether Captain America could beat up Batman. And if these ankle biters knew their shit, they’d recognize that Captain America could never beat Batman. Batman is definitely NOW!!!!!!!! Bar None…How you doing William Floyd?
