The Tony La Russa School of Thinking and Logic Wants Your Excuses!
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by LastRow
For all those who are interested in enrolling into the fine higher academic institution of learning at the Tony La Russa School of Thinking and Logic, LastRowSports.com would like to share with others what we’ve recently learned about this educational place. We all have seen first hand what kind of byproducts this special place can produce him the T-ster himself along with most recent graduate of the program, (please use the reference here if you’re in the dark on what I’m referring to. Forget Duke, forget Stanford, forget Notre Dame for that matter and all those Ivy League schools can take their SAT scores and have fun playing an intensely vigorous game of math scrabble, because nothing can even come close to the TLRST&L.
This is not a place where one sends his or her application in and then becomes anorexic waiting by the front window to attack the poor bastard delivering the mail like a Saint Bernard…Barking, juices flowing all over the place just waiting to strike. No it’s not like that at all! TLRST&L is like no where else in the country…Rather then filling out those long, boring, lame ass applications, writing essays explaining why you would be a good candidate to attend and collecting those oh so precious Letters of Recommendations, (gee, aren’t those swell! Now let’s all kiss on the count of three) there’s none of that! Nope! At TLRST&L, they believe that to gain a better grasp of a person is to meet them in person rather than judge somebody on sheets of papers filled out and test scores. Wow, you don’t say? I guess that would be Logical, right. I‘m sorry…I couldn’t let that go without mentioning that! I swear, I’m not gay!
So what do they look for in this interview? Well, that’s what everybody wants to know! However, LastRowSports.com has done a hell of an investigation on this matter…Almost like a deep cavity search to bring this top secret information to you!
As we all know, the founding father of the institution, Tony La Russa himself, loves the notion and uses quite well "The Dog Ate My Homework Excuse"…Why it was on display Tuesday night doing a hell of a jam job to Fat Albert! No, the whole "dog ate my homework" plea is the oldest trick in the book…Made famous the founding father. However, he along with the board of directors at TLRST&L are constantly looking for new and innovative excuses…Thus is why they believe in the interview process whole heartedly! To see who has the knack for coming up with imaginative ways to try and slither away from hot water… "Putting the creative mind to use" is their motto!
So with that all said allow us to portray some creative excuses that Tony La Russa can only dream of…And hopefully you’ll impress the committee board enough to gain acceptance into the Tony La Russa School of Thinking and Logic.
I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school. I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had.
Our puppy toilet trained on it.
Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked.
I put it in a safe, but lost the combination.
I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away.
Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing.
I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine .
I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to MY TEACHER'S already heavy workload.
I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.
My little sister ate it.
Could not log onto indianchild.com.
A sudden wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.
I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.
The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.
Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him but unfortunately my homework drowned.
I used it to fill a hole in my shoe, you wouldn't want it now.
My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.
I didn't do it, because I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.
I couldn't write yesterday afternoon, I don't understand it, my hand just refused to write. I don't know what got into it, it was like it had a mind of its own, it just wouldn't respond to what I told it to do.
I couldn't find my mind... I was sure I had it backed up on a disk somewhere, but I just couldn't find it yesterday.
I'm afraid I simply had better things to do.
My dog looked so lonely yesterday, I didn't have the heart to leave him all alone, so I decided to spend some time with him. I lost track of time, and by the time I finally got to my homework, I realized my dog had licked my hand so much that it had become paralyzed.
I had a very difficult choice to make: go to the beach with friends, or sit and do my homework. I chose to go to the beach, because my friends are more important to me than your homework will ever be.
I did do it all, but before I got a chance to save, my book crashed and I lost it all.
My pen ran out of ink, so I went to buy another pen, but I got lost on my way back and eventually got taken home by a tourist who luckily had a map with him. By that time it was late, and I tried my pen but I found it was a dud, and I couldn't go back again or I would never find my way home.
