The Things I Hate About Sports: Media Personalities
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So Stephen A. Smith hates bloggers. I guess that means the feelings are mutual.
You see, Stephen, I hate you. I hated you even before you claimed internet blogging and the so-called unqualified bloggers will be the downfall of professional journalism. I hated you before you claimed to be an "expert". I hated you before you were given your own television show on ESPN. I hated you before some genius, whom I thank everyday for this before I go to sleep, mocked you and your cheese doodles at the NBA Draft a few years ago.
No, Stephen, I hated you from the moment you and your unapologetic self-righteousness showed up on a network that was beginning to overwhelm the public with its cornucopia of egos.
And I get it, you are paid to pretend like you know everything and be right about everything. I get that. Be right and never second guess or admit when you're wrong. I guess that's the difference between professional journalism and blogging.
According to you, at least.
But then I turn on the Jim Rome show and have to hear him force three Oregon Ducks into kissing his rear end for five minutes by asking them how they became fans of his show before asking a meaningful -- warning: term used loosely -- questions.
I turn on the Packers-Cowboys game last Thursday and see Deion Sanders sideline reporting for the NFL Network that featured his former team, talking about he and Terrell Owens play basketball together in the offseason. And guess what, he had nothing bad to say about the Cowboys. Go figure.
I turn on FOX for the Packers-Lions game and see another former Cowboy, Troy Aikman, being asked by Joe Buck if the Packers are in a class with the Cowboys. Guess what, he said "No."
And finally, last and certainly not least, I turn on ESPN Sunday mornings to see Tom Jackson, Chris Mortenson, Ron Jaworski, Emmitt Smith, Steve Young, and Keyshawn Johnson all examining each game as if they had never played for the teams they analyze.
I may not get paid for my writing, but allow me to let you, Stephen, in on a little secret that you learn in journalism classes, the secret of conflict of interest and objectivity. I see it everyday on your network, and it makes me sick. If that's how you qualify as an "expert" then I'll enjoy my time blogging.
Now that I'm finished ranting about your rant, welcome to the list, Stephen A. Smith. You've notched yourself at the tip-top, and I'm already kicking myself for not putting you in my introduction ahead of Jim Rome. Here are some others who are not so far behind:
Chris Berman: Berman's shtick was funny when I was 10, but 23 years of "Rumblin, bumblin, stumblin" gets old real fast. Here's a fun game to play during the Home Run Derby: Pick out 20 landmarks in the city the derby is being held, and cross off which ones he uses in the phrase, "Wow, he hit that one all the way to ___________."
Tim McCarver and John Madden: The bane of every primetime sports event I've watched in the past several years, these two guys could probably ruin a threesome I was having if they were commentating on it. They take the moniker "Captain Obvious" to superhero-like levels, and I just couldn't bring myself to list one ahead of the other. And I know that it's quite difficult to say something meaningful after nearly every play in a single game, but there is a host of other things you could say besides, "They need points/runs or they're in trouble." This is why I love Bob Uecker so much, when he doesn't want to talk about the game, he'll tell a story about some guy he met on a train back in 1968. The moral of the story: What you say doesn't have to make you seem smart, it just shouldn't make you sound dumb.
Jay Mariotti: Much thanks go to Tyrone Briggs for giving me my reasons. Other thanks go to Around the Horn for putting this guy on every afternoon. I'm not a huge Ozzie Guillen apologist, but I almost doubled over when I heard what Oz called Mariotti. And what really chaps my khakis is that the Sun-Times continues to provide this guy a paycheck after all he's done to become a distraction aside from simply writing the story and staying out the headlines. Oh, and before I forget to add them, the rest of the personalities ever showcased on Around the Horn. Half of these weenies couldn't win a debate with themselves.
Pretty much anyone on FOX who broadcasts the games: Most of the time, I really have no problem with FOX's pregame show. Most of the time. But it's clear that their well of talent runs thin past that.
The problem is clear with today's sports media. It's fine if they simply report the news or events from that day, but it's when they are the news that it becomes troublesome. And it's even more troublesome when the so-called experts blame the bloggers for ruining journalism when they could point the finger at themselves. It's discouraging when I hear better sports coverage on local channels and local radio broadcasts than I do on the national stage.
If anything, we're saving journalism. Do you think you're an expert because you have sources or a media pass? I've had them before. I wasn't an expert. I was a guy who, until my broadcast went out, had a little bit more information than everyone else. So, give us the passes. We'll gladly take your job if it means bringing some integrity back into the media.
