The Pacman Jones “Incidents” Publication
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by user LastRow
With all these 2007 football publications hitting newsstands faster than I sit here and peck away at this keyboard, LastRowSports.com wanted to get in the pigskin publishing party. However, all these pigskin mags are the same…Saying basically the exact same thing, but in a different jargon. LastRowSports.com wondered why not create a little football publication of a different variety? We all know Pacman Jones is like a bad case of hemorrhoids…You never know when they’re going to flare up. So having said that, here’s a brand new publication solely focusing on Pacman’s incidents and how they rank up against one another…It’s believe that this is the first publication of its kind, not to mention it could be the last seeing how Pacman’s most likely not long for the NFL!
These incidents are ranked from most superior to others to least proficient using a rating system some might be familiar with in parenthesis. Without further ado… http://www.jibjab.com/view/118182 (if that doesn't work, go here and click on the same link http://www.lastrowsports.com/my-takes.asp)
1 - February 19, 2007: Jones was in the middle of a fight and shooting at a strip club in Las Vegas….Showering strippers on stage with $81,000 dollars. Jones was beating a strippers head against the bar while claiming to kill one of the club's employees. (Hall of Famer) In his own defense, Jones could only offer the following statement: "I thought there was some ghosts in the bar and they looked like a power pellet and Pacmans likes to eat power pellets because it lets us eat the ghosts, so I bit him." See that $81,000 indeed wasn’t for the pole huggers, it was for power pellets. This explains why he was running like a man possessed in the club!
2- June 18, 2007: Being sought by police for questioning about a shooting early Monday involving members of his entourage after a fight at an Atlanta strip club. Jones, his group, (Inky, Blinky, & Pinky) and three other people got into a fight about a woman. (All-American) Let me guess…The ghosts were getting too close and you were all out of power pellets?
3 - April 10, 2007: After an April 3, 2007 meeting with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, the NFL announced that Jones would be suspended for the entire 2007 season.… Sent to the principal’s office, which a very few select people are able to visit…Your pow-wow with Goodell should be commended. Well done! To commemorate this occasion he had a celebration down the street at Scores. (Division-I Stud) ''''' 4 - August 25, 2006: Arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication after being ordered by police to leave a Murfreesboro night club several times… What’s with throwing temper tantrums in police presence? If you were better behaved they might’ve given you some Teddy Grahams. And being charged with disorderly conduct too… That falls in the same boat as my dog NOT having the ability to follow commands! Sit Packman, sit...Good Dog! (Varsity Captain)
5 - July 13, 2005: Arrested and charged with assault and felony vandalism after a nightclub altercation. This began Pacman Jones NFL rap sheet. He already had a lengthy one from high school and college…Breaking shit is always fun, just watch out for the D.J. booth…Don’t beat up the D.J. spinning! (JV Squad)
6 - September 5, 2005: Jones was invited to attend the Nashville Sports Council Kickoff Luncheon. Jones went off on a verbal tirade while being told to wait for his car after the event. He then reportedly refused to tip the valet service…. Aw yes, the mentality of a 5-year old not saying "please" & "thank you", combined with a teenager making a gas run…Loved those days! Just imagine if there were no cookies left in the cookie jar? (Waterboy)
7 - March 23, 2006: Charged with marijuana possession in Fayetteville, Georgia... Why is this a crime anymore? Don’t 10-year olds get charged with this nowadays after authorities raid their treehouse? (Pee Wee)
''''' 8 - October 26, 2006: Jones was issued a citation for a misdemeanor assault after a female student from Tennessee State University claimed that Jones spit in her face at a Nashville night club. (Little Leaguer).....Real lame Alice!
9- October 2005: State of West Virginia filed a petition stating that Jones had not been contacting his probation officer and that he had not reported his July 2005 arrest… Should’ve gone with Cingular Pacman…Fewer drop calls! Damn varmints just don’t understand…The Ericsson T28 just doesn’t pick up reception in that state. (Tee-Baller)
Receiving Honorable Mention Honors - Jones was also sentenced to one year in prison for a bar fight in Morgantown, West Virginia while in college. The sentence was later suspended in exchange for two years of probation. College kids are so dumb! (You Throw Like a Girl)
