The NFL Quarterback Shuffle

by user LastRow

We’re not here to start no trouble, we’re just here to do the quarterback shuffle. Sorry, you’ll have to forgive me as I just had a flash back to 1985. All Bear fans would understand this…For those that aren’t, YOU’RE Just NOT COOL ENOUGH! My condolences! Here it is week four in the NFL and already we have more teams with quarterback questions, than the U.S. Ryder Cup team has consecutive loses to the Europeans. I wonder if Phil Mickelson can throw a football better than he hits a driver? Well, of course he can…What kind of idiotic question is that? By no means can he do any worse, right? If there’s a backup position for J-Load with the Giants, surely Lefty can try his hand at impersonating an NFL quarterback. He already has some experience in impersonating a PGA Tour golfer…Why he does that every time he enters a golf tournament. Why not give quarterbacking a whirl…There’s around five teams or so teams that just could be in the market for his services.

Let’s start in Lefty home state of Arizona. This was supposed to be the year things were different in Arizona…People who believed this, well these same people obviously tell the difference between a dry heat compared to just plain hot. With two big time, big play receivers, with finally a proven running back, to go along with Kurt Warner’s old fogy body, there was a lot of noise coming out of Glendale…Not to mention the new eighth wonder of the world that they play in, better known as the University of Phoenix Stadium. These weren’t supposed to be your father’s Cardinals, thing is somebody forgot to relay the message to them. Now sitting at 1-2 Dennis Green is currently treating his quarterback duo like old folks treat the “Clapper”. Come on Dennis, one or the other! Thing is Warner’s stats aren’t really that bad…66 out of 103, giving him a 64.1 completion percentage, with 788 yards & 5 touchdowns. Just the turnovers are making Denny cranky, KW has four picks in three games and numerous fumbles, which incidentally was the prime factor in the Cards losing to the Rams on Sunday. So is Matt Leinart the answer? Let’s just say he better be…We all know Warner won’t last the year. However, to replace him with Mr. Hollywood in week four, well lets just say Matty’s face would definitely lose some of that Hollywood appeal after the Falcons would get done with him. After all, what kind of message would Green be sending to his team after three games by turning to a rook? New year, same old Cardinals.

Let’s zoom on down to South Beach and check-in with Nick Saban…A guy who isn’t afraid to make any sort of bold moves. Not everybody has the luxury of turning down a dinner invitation with the President of the United States. The questions started way before that whole episode. No stranger to make odd personal moves, but do you think if he had a chance all over again to either sign Culpepper or Brees…Would the choice still be the same? Through three games the Dolphins are also sitting at 1-2…A hell of a long way from preseason expectations. Through these three games, Culpepper is 58 out of 95 (although his completion percentage is good at 61.1), he has only managed to throw one touchdown while compiling 680 yards through the air…To go along with three interceptions in four games. Not bad numbers, but with a 1-2 record rumblings are beginning to surface regarding Joey Harrington. While there’s no question Daunte isn’t what he once was, a diminished Culpepper is without question a better option than Joey. And to think this cat had his picture on an entire building in New York. Only thing I can say Nick, you dug your grave, it might be time to lay in it. I guess Minnesota doesn’t look that dumb now for making that trade, do they?

From one Florida team to another. Who would of thought after three games into the season the Tampa Bay Yucs would have a goose egg in the win column…Well reality hurts, doesn’t it? What hurts more to an already suffering football team looking to ride the ship (no pun intended) is a ruptured spleen suffered by starting quarterback Chris Simms. Not that Simms was some kind of fantasy hidden gem over the first three games, only throwing 1 touchdown while throwing 4 interceptions in 106 passing attempts. Of those 106 attempts, Simms managed to complete 58, for a 54.7 completion percentage…Not numbers that would standout from any quarterback in the league. However, what really hurts is the starter slated for the week five game (bye this week) is none other than a fresh rookie…A virgin to a regular season game. New Orleans defense, enjoy your fresh meat…I’m sure it will be mighty tasty. Where’s Brady Quinn?

Speaking of Brady Quinn, how fast would he get killed if he was an Oakland Raider next season? If he thought he had a long day against Michigan that would be nothing compared to the kind of beating & pondering he would get in Oak-Town. Why they had a mobile quarterback in Aaron Brooks and he couldn’t even escape from injury…Not that he was putting up any kind of numbers. Yeah, Al Davis is pure genius…Let’s get rid of Kerry Collins & sign Aaron Brooks so he can go 6 out of 14 for 63, no touchdowns, no interceptions over the first six quarters of the season, before being overcome by injury. Seems to be working out well, doesn’t it? The best thing Brooks & the Raiders offense can do is take a sack. If Brady comes to Oak-Town he’ll be needing Touchdown Jesus…Too bad he’s not a big fan of Raider nation though.

While Kerry Collins flew the coop from Oakland to Nashville, ironically it’s just as bad there too. And Jeff Fisher wonders why Billy Volek wanted out… “Throwing this organization under the bus.” Let’s see Nashville or San Diego, tough call. Anyway Collins numbers have done jack shit so far for the Titans offense. He has completed 42 out of 90, for 549 yards, throwing 1 touchdown as opposed to six interceptions. Thing here is supposedly Vince Young isn’t ready. Um, I don’t know what he’s not ready for…Oh, maybe it’s losing, that must be it. Losing & getting the shit beat out of him isn’t something he did often in Austin…Although, I’m sure after three games Vince has caught on quickly to this theme. I hope that’s the reasoning, because really how worse off can Young be than what Collins has or hasn’t done up to time point in this season. It’s obvious this season is a washout, so why not let Young get all the experience he can now to help him start preparing for next year?

Ironically Ben Roshtisbeger aka Humpty Dumpty numbers are on the same level as Kerry Collins. Yes, surprisingly the Super Bowl champs are currently sitting at 1-2, with the lone win coming when Charlie Batch was under center. In two games Big Ben is 35 out of 71, right around a 50 percent competition rate. However the telling stats are the five interceptions as opposed to zero touchdowns. With all the things this guy has been through it probably does no justice to criticize his play and struggles…Although Batch did look real good in the season opener. With a diminished running attack, that puts more on Ben to make plays and after all he’s gone through, through the first two games it’s just not clicking…However, is this realistic expectations…Time for a change, you tell me?

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Date

Tue 09/26/06, 6:45 pm EST