The LaBeouf of the Week 6
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I (the Yammy) am a child trapped in a man’s body, and I (as well as other staff writers here at FleaFanatics.com) think Shia LaBeouf is a funny term that sounds like isht the bed, in French. Every week, this column will focus not on the fantasy players who have done well, but just the opposite. The Shia LaBeouf of the Week will be given to the fantasy player who had the highest expectations (whether for the week or the entire fantasy season) and instead Shia LaBeouf’d (performed miserably, for those of you who do not speak French). So, without further adieu (as I try to somewhat keep the French theme…feel free to send all hate mail to the Shimmering T), the Yammy gives you the Shia LeBeoufs of the week.
It is a sad day down here in Alayama, as my beloved Yankees have Shia LaBeouf’d in epic fashion. It appears that Chef Torre tried to serve some Taiwanese Wang that was a little undercooked and the whole team got food poisoning. I am not sure if some of the guys are going to make it, and those that do make it will have to deal with cleaning up what can only be described as a multi-colored stench. I am glad the Boss has his $200 million hose to wash things off.
With that out of the way, this is a football column. I would LOVE to take credit for a Frank Gore LaBeouf, and while his numbers were far from stellar (16 for 52, 3 for 23), I can’t call that a full fledged LaBeouf. I almost feel sorry for him that he has such an inept offensive coordinator and has to deal with Trent “Int” Dilfer (107 career TD’s, 120 career picks). For that, I can only give him the “Hershey Squirt in the Underpants Award.” Another runner-up to the LaBeouf of the Week Award was Mr. Underwood (known to you as Tony Romo). 4 first half picks against the #32 ranked defense certainly lays the foundation for a Shia LaBeouf of epic proportions. The fact that not 1 but 2 of those picks were taken to the house is an “Indian food topped with chili” Shia just waiting to happen. The 2 ADDITIONAL fourth quarter turnovers should have been MORE than enough to give Tony a bed not even a pig could slop around in. However, guess who was there to quickly clean up the mess and avoid permanent stains every time Tony had an accident…Nick Folk. Tony throws 1 to the house, and Nicky is there with the hose. Tony gets taken to the house AGAIN, and Nick throws down the plastic sheets. So Tony, Nick not only saved the game, but he saved you from winning the Shia LaBeouf of the Week Award.
Unfortunately, that means that Drew Brees is the unfortunate winner of the Shia LaBeouf Award for week 5. Now I was in New Orleans this weekend, and I know a little something about Deep South Shias. (Between 6 AM mornings on Bourbon St., fried food and cream sauces, I nearly Shia LaBeouf’d myself). But believe me, I was not nearly the smelliest thing in New Orleans this past weekend. Ladies and gentlemen, after a 1 year hiatus, the “Aints” have returned to the Big Easy, and these same Aints are being led by this week’s LaBeouf award winner. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the city of New Orleans. I go there at least twice a year, and I will most likely end up living there one day. However even my love of New Orleans cannot save Dirty Drew, as Brees has Shia LaBeouf’d one too many times.
In what could be characterized as the ugliest game of the week (3 ints and 2 missed field goals combined), Brees put up a respectable 252 yards, but had 0 TD’s and 2 very costly interceptions. When David Carr has a higher QB rating than you (75.4 vs. 58.1) and your season QB rating is 57.4, you have definitely overloaded on fiber and Shia LaBeouf’d for the season. What made this week worse was the fact that the Saints were still holding onto hope. At 0-3, there was a chance to turn things around, but at 0-4, with a quarter of the season already gone, hope has faded. Unfortunately, the offensive load dropped by the Saints offense in the House of the Rising Sun has not.
Even though he narrowly escaped winning the award last week, I believe this coming week’s LaBeouf winner will be Mr. Underwood. He looked shaky to say the least against the 32 nd ranked Bills defense, and while I do not predict another 5 int performance, I do predict a skid mark across that beautiful blue star in Texas stadium. The only thing filthier than the New England offense is their defense (5th against the rush, 6 th against the pass, 3 rd in points allowed), and Tony is poised to drop something filthy on all of his owners’ beds. New England looks determined to blow EVERYONE out, and this has statement game written all over it. All you Romo owners might want to consider sending him a case of Amodium AD so he can prepare himself for Sunday afternoon.
- The Yammy (ed. Golden Boy) at www.fleafanatics.com
