The LaBeouf of the Week
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I (the Yammy) am a child trapped in a man’s body, and I (as well as other staff writers here at FleaFanatics.com) think Shia LaBeouf is a funny term that sounds like isht the bed, in French. Every week, this column will focus not on the fantasy players who have done well, but just the opposite. The Shia LaBeouf of the Week will be given to the fantasy player who had the highest expectations (whether for the week or the entire fantasy season) and instead Shia LaBeouf’d (performed miserably, for those of you who do not speak French). So, without further adieu (as I try to somewhat keep the French theme…feel free to send all hate mail to the Shimmering T), the Yammy gives you the Shia LeBeoufs of the week.
What a week it was. I can’t remember more alleged fantasy studs LaBeoufing all at once in my many years playing this game. Marc Bulger (and the entire Rams offense for that matter), Drew Brees (and the formerly #1 rated Saints offense for that matter), Maurice Jones-Drew (looking suspiciously like a 1 hit wonder), Javon Walker (could not sniff the ball against Jacksonville), LDT (breaking hearts around the country), and Lee Evans (there is an APB in the Buffalo area for the artist formerly known as Lee Evans) have all qualified for 1 sloppy, Budweiser (or cranberry juice for those under the legal drinking age) and chili cheese dog fueled Shia…in the LaBeouf. However, our winner this week, to the chagrin of all of his owners, is Mr. Larry Johnson.
Larry, you held out of camp for more money, which is very understandable considering Herm is running you until the wheels come off; but seriously, you stink. There is no nice way of putting it. You can blame your QB situation all you want, but 42 yards on 24 carries, from a guy who is a consensus top 5 running back, is just pathetic. You came to training camp at the final hour, and you then proceeded to load up on White Castle and FiberCon. Rather than perform on Sundays, you choose to take a three hour nap, trying to hide from the mess you have left behind (10 for 43, 16 for 55, 24 for 42). Well, you can’t hide from the Yammy and your fantasy owners. It is only a matter of time before we bench you permanently to stop you from browning our Sunday sheets. Larry, on behalf of your owners everywhere, please make sure to get that late evening deuce in on Saturday night.
This week, we also have an honorable mention award for Mr. Shimmering T himself. I left Jason Campbell out of the voting this week because he deserved special considerations. The Shimmering T is not so “bright” these days, as it seems the space reserved for any QB playing the Giants belongs in the bust portion of his column. Tell me T, does 190 yards for 1 TD and 3 (yes 3) fumbles count as domination? Also, your column neglected to mention the following “gem,” but I will be honored to share it with our 5 readers. Shimmers sent a lovely text message at 8:25 PM on Monday calling for Drew Brees to “Go off for 30, at least.” A bold prediction? Clairvoyance? No, T, you need to add that loss to your record. 4 picks (1 to the house), a fumble and 0 TD’s. Looks like the Titans defense was closer to your predicted 30 than your boy Brees. Also, thanks for taking him off my hands, Eli is working out great this year.
-The Yammy at www.fleafanatics.com
