The LaBeouf of Week 12
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This week’s winner goes by a long list of names: the female version (Elisha); the emasculating (She-li); the all too appropriate (Captain Backfoot); the given (Eli Manning); and the new (The Shia LaBeouf award winner of week 12).
It is my fault. I had too much faith in these Giants. They were doing something they have not done in years, consistently beating the teams they were supposed to. After a very rough 0-2 start, they rattled off 6 wins in a row, albeit against very poor foes (combined 18-48 record), but they were winning. This year felt different than the past, the NY tabloids were not calling for Coughlin’s head, Tiki was not on the back pages calling out his coaches and teammates, and they looked like they were having fun.
Then, the Dallas game came up. The Giants were a different team than in week 1, right? They could not get shelled at home, could they? Well they did, and a little luster came off the NY Football Giants’ bandwagon. They regrouped for an ugly win in Detroit, which brings us to this week’s contest against the Minnesota Vikings.
My prediction was for a Giants victory and for Chester Taylor to Shia LaBeouf in spectacular fashion against a rejuvenated Giants defense. While they held Chester in check to a modest 77 yards (but one amazing TD run, can we please wrap up, just once, for me), there is no question of who this week’s award must go to. I should have looked at the stats from the last time Eli played the Vikings. If I did, last week’s pick would have been a no brainer. So, I choose the right game, but unfortunately I chose the wrong team. It seems Darren Sharper and the Vikings’ defense came to the Meadowlands prepared to spoon-feed Eli interception laxatives that lead to nothing but defensive touchdowns. I really think that Shia LaBeouf does not cover what happened in the swamp on Sunday. Eli single-handedly caused the entire East Rutherford area to be quarantined due to an enormous cloud of …Shia. Eli’s shia covered the field endzone to endzone, disgraced the locker room, and I can’t begin to show you any photos from the post game press conference room. The reporters needed waders to get close enough to ask Eli why he threw to the white jerseys instead of the blue ones (he must have thought the Giants played on the road this week). Eli had the same number of touchdown passes to the other team (3) that he has thrown in the past 3 weeks. This was the worst he has looked since his rookie year. Maybe next Thanksgiving, Mrs. Manning won’t be making her award winning laxative casserole and colon blow stuffing.
An honorable mention this week goes to the abomination that was the 3-0 Steelers “victory” over the Dolphins Monday night. The ‘Fins look determined to finish this season winless, and there really was nothing uglier than the 10 minutes of the Monday night game that I watched. If it were not for Eli, the Steelers’ management would have gotten the Shia LaBeouf of the week for the condition of Heinz field. In fact, Heinz field looked identical to the Meadowlands after Eli was done with it on Sunday.
This week, I am picking against my horse, the man who has single-handedly salvaged my fantasy season and is on the verge of leading me to the Promised Land. I apologize, but Brett Favre is going to Shia LaBeouf this week, just in time to keep me out of the playoffs. I have been extremely surprised by Mr. Favre’s play this year and have nothing but respect and admiration for him. However, Favre does not have much success against the Cowboys. He is 2-5 during the regular season and 0-3 in the playoffs against the ‘Boys, and in his last game vs. Dallas, he had 260 yards with 1 TD and 2 Ints. These are hardly stellar numbers. Mr. Favre, I hope you prove me wrong and don’t Shia LaBeouf all over the Dallas star because my playoff chances rest solely on your shoulders.
- Yammy at Flea Fanatics
