The Fast Fifteen: Things Jay Mariotti Would Do if He Managed Chicago Sports Franchises
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by SSreporters
I watch Around the Horn, I survive it when he guest hosts PTI, then there are his local b*%^ings about Chicago sports teams. So I wondered, "What the heck would HE of all people do with these sports teams in Chicago?". I figured it out.
15. Chicago Bears, new QB Donovan McNabb goes 22-49 with 4 INT's in 28-27 loss to Seattle on opening day, Mariotti benches him, blames Grossman for bad QB curse.
14. Chicago Bears, after Rex Grossman, now a Falcon, rallies his team to stun Chicago at Soldier Field 38-30, Mariotti immediately blames Grossman for winning the game for a better team.
13. Chicago Bulls, now with Kobe Bryant, lose home opener to Cleveland 104-89, Mariotti then fires Scott Skiles.
12. Chicago Bulls, now with Kobe and LeBron, lose 2 games in a row, Mariotti says there is too much star power, trades Kobe back to the Lakers.
11. Chicago White Sox, After new signing Jeff Weaver throws for 3 innings, gives up 5 runs, 9 walks, and 10 hits, Mariotti punches Ozzie Guillen for destroying an undefeated season 4 games in. He would later have a kiss and make up story 3 weeks later.
10. Chicago Bears, After an 0-2 start, Mariotti tells entire team "it's over".
9. Chicago Bulls, after a 76-4 start, but a 2 game losing streak to end the season, Mariotti then says "You have to win consistently guys!".
8. Chicago Bears, with a 24-22 deficit, Devin Hester blows out his knee, they lose the game, Mariotti goes to the press conference and blames Grossman for invisibly hitting Hester in the shin with a baton.
7. Chicago Fire, after a 3-1 loss to Toronto FC, Mariotti calls for the banning of MLS.
6. Chicago Blackhawks, Well......he doesn't know what a hockey puck is.
5. Chicago Bears, Dominating the Steelers 40-14, an ever so pessimistic Mariotti calls out the team for not being able to finish games.
4. Chicago Bears, after the Bears re-sign Rex Grossman on an emergency situation, he's put into the game, wins it 27-20, Mariotti says "But Grossman was 24-25, his inaccuracies are mind boggling!"
3. Chicago Cubs, after winning 7-5 over the Mets (sorry Dan), Mariotti complains that their inability to hit is costing them games.
2. Chicago Bulls, After every loss the Bulls had that year (44), Mariotti fired the head coach.
1. Chicago Bears, after a stunning 44-34 loss to the Ravens, Grossman has a career ending injury, Mariotti gets drunk in celebration and dies.
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